Tuesday, August 30, 2011

To Karl With Love

If they made this t-shirt for men, I would be the first in line to buy it. To say I love it... is an understatement. To quote Racheal Zoe "It's BANANAS!" As it stands, I may buy the women’s version, cut off the front and sew it onto a men’s shirts. (kidding) Those of you who know me well, you know that I have a huge distaste for logos. The Polo pony is barely digestible. I don't want to be your advertising. However, it's different when the logo is for a company or (in this case) designer I cherish. Karl Lagerfeld is one of my all time favorite designers. (With the death of Alexander McQueen last year he was moved up to first place.) This shirt is from his new collection for Macys which debuts this week. Please Karl...create a men's line! Preferably with this image on a heather gray men's tee.

*Karl Lagerfeld is the head designer for Chanel and Fendi along with his own personal label.



Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane Tips

Hurricane Irene is heading toward the Northeast and here are some helpful tips to help you through the storm:

Turn up your fridge and make it as cold as possible. If you loose power your food will stay colder longer.

During a storm it's very easy for a tree or branch to fall and cause major damage to your car. If you don't have a garage try a leaving it in a near by parking lot to avoid falling debris.

Everyone stocks up on batteries during a storm. Why? You can use them for flashlights... and what else? Your tv remote uses batteries but with the power outage kills that need.

I personally hate to read, but a power outage is a good time to finish up on any summer reading.

Secure your trash cans. They will be the first items to take flight or roll down the road during strong winds.

If you end up with damage to your home or vehicle consider calling your insurance company. Also consider when you call. If the damage is minor or cosmetic consider waiting a week or two to report the damage. Insurance companies are going to be flooded with claims in the days to come. Holding for an hour (or more) is not unheard of after a major storm. When the damage is weather related, reporting the a claim a week later won't have any effect on it's results. If you have damage that can't wait check to see if you can report claims online. My employer even has a mobile app for the iPhone. It will be much faster then calling (me) on the phone.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

9/11 Memorial

On September 12, 2011 the 9/11 Memorial Opens to the public. Unfortunatly I haven't followed the progress of the memorial over the past ten years. I knew there was a competition to find the winning design but I never took the time to find out what the designs actually were. For some reason I was under the impression that another large skyscraper was being built in place of the Twin Towers. A building that exemplified the idea that "from the ashes a pheonix will rise." My assumption was wrong and I am pleasantly surprised with the finished project.

The winning design is two large fountains in the foot print of each tower. Not what I expected, but in the best possible way. Surrounding each foundtain are the names of the victims who died. I think it's a wonderful moving tribute that also looks amazing. New York is full of tall buildings that stretch high into the sky and I love that the planners went in the opposite direction. Other then avoiding a man hole or puddle, how often do you look down in the city? Anything worth looking at is usually above your head. I've always been a fan of contrast and the soft green trees and peacful fountains are a perfect contrast to the steel and concrete buildings that surround the area. The next time I am in New York I'll have to try and take a side trip to see the memorial in person.


Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Goodbye Andy Gasp

It took 23 days, but Andy Gasp now has 100 friends on Facebook. When I set up his profile I wanted to see how easy it would be for a total stranger to start a life on Facebook. Armed with a picture of an unknown bear hotty I gave Andy a basic back story. He was born and raised in Columbus, OH because it sounded neutral and had a hint of middle America. Also my former employer Bath and Body Works is located there. He moved to New York to study fashion design at Parson's and now works for Hermes. You'll remember Hermes as the snooty French store that was having a private party and would not let Oprah in. When it came to his interest I tried to create an intellectual-hiptser vibe. The two books listed Stone Butch Blues and The Bluest Eye are two of the last novels I read in college. Two of the last novels I've read in general. Music ranged from Sonic Youth and Radiohead (hispter) to Robyn and Sara Bareilles (intellectual). His favorite tv personality is Gordon Elliot, who he has a cruch on. That post came from eating dinner at the bar of the Trumbel Kitchen. Our bartender was asking if it was strange that she liked him. She was turned on by his anger.
Andy aka Jim
Other interesting points: Two people that accepted Andy's request had de-friended me (Joe) months before. Three guys tried to chat him up through private message. I only answered one with a polite 'thanks you.' (It was hotty Matt the bartender's ex-boyfriend for those of you local to CT) He got de-friended once by a guy who recognized one of the photos as his friend Jim. He also supposedly reported Andy to Facebook but I have yet to see or hear anything about it. The main picture I found on Style.com. It was a snap of Alexander Wang w/ two models from Fashion Night Out in New York. "Andy" just happened to be a cute guy in the background. Special thanks needs to go to Chris Haese for providing the extra photos. Good job.

Where will Andy go? What will Andy do? He'll just fade away when he moves to Paris for his new promotion. I'm not going to do a big 'reveal' and expose the hoax. I'm not trying to piss people off or make them feel foolish. The profile will be de-activated for now. Maybe down the line I'll start it up again and spy on you.


Sunday, August 21, 2011

Make Me Over

I'm a result driven person. If you don't like the result, change the behavior. That's why I've been trying to change myself for several years now.

Problem: I've been unsuccessful in relationships
Solution: Fix whatever I'm doing something wrong.

It's no one else's fault. There are many things I'd like to change about myself and over the past couple years I've been trying to work on them. One of the major hurdles is figuring out what exactly I'm doing wrong. It's not as easy as it sounds. Who knew an unconcious effort to avoid kissing would make such an impact? So Here are some of the things on my personality make over list:

I love style and I'll never give that up. However, I've gotten a lot better at being style appropriate for the given situation. Being a bear with fashion sense isn't always a positive in my community. Yes people find it fun, amusing, and cute. But it's cute in the way your infant brother is cute, not I want to have sex with you cute. My old joke is

"No one fucks a guy wearing a fancy cardigan."

For the most part a lot of bears are turned off by anything overly stylish. I'm generalizing, but they tend to like a t-shirt and jeans kind of guy. It doesn't help that I like to talk about cloths and accessories too. The bear conversation basics are sci-fi/fantasy, technology, video Games, and men. The latest fall collections are not a popular topic. So I made a goal to be stylish yet simple in specific situations. Know when to wear the feather boa and sequin jumper and when to wear the black cocktail dress.

My grade so far: A

You get what you expect out of life. I have low expectation therefore I have low results. I get it. So one of my newer goals is to change my expectations and boost my self esteem. Become an optimist instead of a pessimist. Yes that glass is half full! This one is going to take a lot of work though. As I said before, I'm a result driven person. My past results and experiences have lead me to believe that I'll most likely be alone for a long time. There hasn't been much to lead me to believe otherwise. However, expecting it creates it. Now I just need to change my head. If I expect a man to come into my life then there is a better possibility that it will happen. And hopefully when he does I'll be smart enough to recognize it.

My grade so far: D-

Over Thinking
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that I over think everything. I tend to analyze a situation from every possible angle. Next I usually assign strong meaning to otherwise meaningless behaviors. Example: I once got it stuck in my head that all I wanted was for a man to wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook. If I ever meant anything to him, he'd wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook. It's so small and simple how can he not wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook. (You can see where this is headed...) Suffice it to say that he did not wish me a Happy Birthday on Facebook and my world fell apart. I look back on the whole thing as a learning experience. How was he supposed to know that's what I wanted when I didn't say anything. Plus people's lives get in the way and not everyone is on Facebook every second of everyday. Sometimes it may just be a simple mistake without any deeper meaning. Sometimes a rose is just a rose.

My grade so far: B

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Andy Update

I thought now woudl be a good time for an update from Andy. He's up to 70 friends on Facebook. Only about 10 of you are in on the joke. :-)

My goal is to up get to 100. Then he'll disappear.


Friday, August 19, 2011

Digital Dating

With Smart phones becoming more and more common, dating has become almost completely electronic. Here are some quick tips to remember when you're trying to get on and get off. (If you're unfamiliar with any of these apps look up the following: Growlr, Scruff, Grindr, Recon, Jack'd, BoyAhoy, Bendr, Manhunt etc.)

If you are on a dating app there is no excuse for not having a picture. Their phone has a camera! What smart phone doesn't have a camera these days?

When you're visiting a big city for the night/weekend it can be a perfect opportunity for some new cock and ass. However, you'll spend ALL day on every hook up site trying to set something up with no success. The second you leave the city, your Scruff, Growlr, and Manhunt accounts will blow up with dozens of offers.

Has there ever been an Android app that they made an Apple version of? (rather then vice versa)

Is it worth being polite online? Someone messages you on Growlr. You don't find them attractive and they are 2200 miles away. If you are polite and respond like a nice person, you get stuck in a never ending conversation with someone you don't like.

If you've ever opened up a sex/dating app and thought "Wow, OMG who are all these hot guys around me?" Double check because you're probably under the Global menu.

It's surprising how many unsolicited dick pics you'll get from 21 year olds around the world.

I would look at a lot more profiles if the person could not see me looking at their profile.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Dear Diary

I'm not a story teller. When I started this blog I made it a point not to focus on the daily stories of my life. I didn't want this to turn into a diary. Hopefully you've learned something new and laughed while reading my weekly babble. That being said, I realized that maybe it's time for a personal update on what's going on in my life.

This summer was generally uneventful. I went into it with a mindset of trying to scale back my travel spending. (Here is some back story: About a year ago I left my job as a retail store manager at Oakley to work for an insurance company. I am very happy with my choice even though it came with a $10,000 pay cut. Let's just say my spending hasn't been cut back as much as my pay check. Ouch!) I passed on Bear Week in Ptown because I can't justify $300+ a night for a hotel room in old rundown Cape Code. I wonder if Groupon has Ptown deals?

Otherwise work is going very well. I continue to work form home full time. Working from home has it's pros and cons. I save money on gas however it's very easy to become a hermit during bad weather. The two questions I get asked most about working from home are: "Do you work in your underwear? and Do you have men stop over on your lunch break for a blow and go?" With regard to dress code, I don't work in my underwear, although I could. My uniform is usually gym shorts and a t-shirt (with no underwear) As for sex, No I don't have hook ups lined up for my break. It's a good idea in theory, but getting a guy here exactly at 1:00pm to swallow his cum and out the door by 2:00pm is tricky logistically. My job is very time specific and scheduled down to the minute. There's not a lot of wiggle room. Add in the fact that my sister has been off for the summer and we live with 3 Pugs who go bonkers whenever someone comes to the door. Here's a secret: I moved into this apartment in March of 2010 and I still have not had sex here. With the dogs and my sister being a home body I have decided not to bring guys home. It's just easier that way.

Now to the subject I tend dance around...Dating. I'm currently single. I've gone through several phases over the last couple years from wanting a boyfriend to enjoying the freedom of singlehood and back to wanting a boyfriend. Right now I'm not sure where on the spectrum I've landed. Being alone sucks, but getting my heart broken sucks too.

Next up on the horizon is my 30th Birthday Labor Day weekend. I've decided to go to the underwear party at the Alley in Boston that weekend. Stay over night in a hotel, have a nice dinner etc. After that I have no major plans for the fall. A trip back to Toronto my be happening in October as well as Spooky Bear on Halloween Weekend. I've never been to Spooky Bear but this year I'm going to try and make it up there. Now I need to come up with an awesome costume.


Saturday, August 13, 2011

Late Night Realizations

I couldn't sleep around 3:30 - 4am this morning. Here is what I discovered:

I watched Russian Dolls on Lifetime. Picture a Russian blend of the Jersey Shore and the Real Housewives. I think I liked it. Especially the Grandma Pagant.

When I can't sleep my mind starts to race and go over all the details of life. Ususally that means a low self-esteem spiral into why I'm so fucked up. And yes I'm really fucked up. Very similar to Miranda from Sex in the City, I'm emotionally crippled and I tend to only like men who don't like me in return. Oh and I have a repetitve patern of being replaced.

The topics I came up with for future blog posts are: I can't stand Tyler Perry, I should buy a fancy box to put all my feelings in, and Why have I been trying to change myself for the last 10 years?

I want to like Fran Drecher's new show Happily Divorced but it's kind of boring and not that funny. The show has also used every cliche' sitcome storyline in the book.  However I could watch the Nanny for hours on end.

I get paid on Monday and Monday can't come quick enough. Seriously. Visa is gonna get a work out this weekend.

***A special Note*** I purposely chose NOT to use spell check on this post. I have always had a learning disability and I'm a horrible speller. Can you spot all 4 spelling mistakes?


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Don't Turn Around!

Here is one thing I hate: You see a guy from behind and he looks hot enough to suck on the spot. But as he turns, you get a look at him from the front...and he looks like Steve Bushemi's ugly brother. NOOOOO! All that potential waisted. Even worse he could turn around and be a butch lesbian! (Yes, we've all had it happen) Everything about the studly hunk of man to the right says hot...but you never know what's lurking beyond the beard and sweat shirt. He could have a face tattoo and rotten teeth. Some people are just better looking from behind. I guess if your tongue is buried in his ass it doesn't matter as much, but an ugly face can kill a hot body very quickly.

I don't know what the front of this man looks like but I home it's good. Whatever your definition of good is,

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Shopping Tip #4

Try Everything On!

When you're out shopping try it before you buy it. Here are two examples. I have purchased these two shirts from the Polo Factory Store. Take a moment and study the pictures, What we're looking for here is fit. They both fit well. The strange part is the light blue polo in the top picture is a size Large. The bottom plaid button-down is a size XXL. It's a perfect example of two items from the same store that are cut differently. Try it on.

The second story isn't about fit. Instead it's about hanger appeal. We've all been in a store and picked up an item that is perfect. Perfect until it's on and it looks like a Euro trash pimp. It's common that once on, an item of clothing can look much worse then on the hanger. Have you ever had the opposite happen? I was in J. Crew with a friend over the weekend. He picked up a pair of chambray shorts. When I first saw the shorts I cringed. Not only did I dislike them, I loathed them. They looked like fat old man shorts. He persisted and I suggested that he try them on to be sure. When he came out of the dressing they looked amazing! So amazing that I wanted to drop to my knees and burry my face in both his front and back end. I was proven wrong. The shorts looked much better on him then they did on the hanger.
So my advice: Try it on. You may be surprised by what you see in the dressing room mirror.

P.S  I apologize for the poor picture quality.


Sunday, August 7, 2011

So You Think You Want To Be A Reality Star

On Monday, the Village Voice published the standard contract MTV gives out for the Real World. It's pretty outrageous. As you read it, you can almost see the problems from past seasons that they are trying to prevent:

30@200.jpgWe Have Obtained a Copy of MTV's Standard Real World Cast-Member Contract

Last Wednesday's Village Voice cover story profiled the DeBartoli sisters, two Staten Island sisters who starred in the never-aired Jersey Shore precursor Bridge & Tunnel and signed enormously binding contracts, legal documents that seemed to be written in another language but that they accepted anyway. This is standard practice for all its reality-show subjects, and though the following is a different document than the one the B&T girls inked, we've managed to get our hands on an unsigned Real World contract. The 30-page spectacular is worth careful scrutiny, but please enjoy the amusingly specific highlights we've summarized below. Happy Birthday, MTV!

Under the stipulations of the following standandar contracr, participants in Real World--the grandaddy of "reality" shows, after Cops--agree to the following terms:

• You may die, lose limbs, and suffer nervous breakdowns. (Stipulation 1)
• If you undergo any medical procedures while involved in the show, they carry the risk of infection, disfigurement, death. (4)
• You may be humiliated and explicitly portrayed "in a false light." (12)
• Producers are under no obligation to conduct background checks on your fellow cast members. (7)
• If you contract AIDS or other sexually transmitted diseases while filming ["gonorrhea, herpes, syphilis, pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), Chlamydia, scabies (crabs),'hepatitis, genital warts, and other communicable and sexually transmitted diseases or Pregnancy; etc"], MTV is not responsible. (7)
• Interacting with other cast members carries the risk of "non-consensual physical contact" and should you contract AIDS, etc. during such an interaction, MTV is not responsible. (7)
• You don't have STDs, but accept that other people on the show might. (18)
• You're not pregnant and you won't become pregnant before the show's done filming. If you do become pregnant, you'll tell the Producer immediately--and pregnancy is grounds for dismissal. (38)
• If you get kicked off the show, it will be filmed. (14)
• You can't change your physical appearance during filming, without the Producer's express permission. (26)
• You grant the Producer blanket rights to your life story. (49)
• The Producer can do pretty much anything they want with your life story, including misrepresent it. (49)
• Your email may be monitored during participation. (20b)
• You promise not to hide from MTV cameras in establishments where they can't film. (20a)
• You authorize the Producer to have total access to your school records, government forms, your credit history. (19)
• The production crew can show up at your personal house at any time to film and/or to take anything they want, as long as they return the objects once production has ended. (20a)
• Under ordinary circumstances, all of this would be considered a "serious" invasion of privacy. (11)
• For one year after the show's final episode airs, cast members are required to participate in all producer-determined press and forbidden from engaging in any media (radio, television, chat rooms, blogs) without the Producer's written permission. (9)
• The Producer holds the authorship and copyright to every photograph, email, website, sound or video recording, documented performance created in relation to the program, on every medium imaginable. (8)
• You're obligated to participate in a Reunion Special for up to five years after the show ends, you'll be paid $2500 for your involvement, and the Producer only has to give you 14 days notice. (50c)
• You're required to participate in book or home video projects for two years after the show ends, and you'll be paid $750.00 for each one. (50f)
Also, worth noting:
• While you're on the show, you're responsible for all long-distance phone charges. (16a)
• The explicit list of physical tasks you might be subjected to, enumerated in the contract, include traveling by "air (whether via helicopter, commercial airliner, glider, private aircraft or otherwise), train and/or automobile, as well as strenuous and/or dangerous and/or mental activity, including but not limited to, horseback riding, jogging, bicycling, motorcycling, exercise and/or weight equipment, skydiving, swimming, bungee jumping, parasailing snorkeling, jet skiing, amusement park activities, rock climbing, engaging in contact sports, hiking, kayaking and boating." (1)

To read the full artticle and contract visit:


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Shopping Tip #5

August is a big season for clothing retailers. They are changing over from summer to fall and get ready for a busy back to school season. To make room for all new sweaters and coats they need to sell off summer shorts and tshirts. This is your opportunity. Go shopping now for summer cloths. You can get great deals on the end of season clearence racks. Tank tops, bathing suits, and sandals will all be marked down. Buy now and save it for next year. Don't waist time because all the good clearence sells out quickly. By September it will all be gone.

American Eagle Flip Flops
$17.50 now $9.95

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Meet Andy Gasp

I'm trying out a social experiement. I created a fake profile on Facebook. His name is Andy Gasp. I want to see how many people will befriend someone they don't know just because they see a cute picture. For this to work though, I need your help. Send Andy a friend request to get the ball rolling. People are much more likely to 'friend' someone if they see that they have friends in common. Once I get a decent list of 10 or so people I'll start sending out mass friend requests! I want to create a whole personality for him. Right now he works for Hermes the snooty French fashion brand. But maybe he'll have a career change soon or go back to school for his masters in Underwater Basket Weaving? He'll have a back story and I've already chosen tv shows, movies, and books for him to like. The sky is the limit when it's all imaginary. This will be our little secret. How funny would it be if he became more popular then I am.

I'll post updates about how the experiment is going :-)

Monday, August 1, 2011

James and the Giant Asshole

Merriam Webster defines Closure as:
an often comforting or satisfying sense of finality ; also: something (as a satisfying ending) that provides such a sense

I wanted to make a post about closure. But I'm not sure what I can write to give the topic a new slant. So instead I'll tell a story: Several years ago I had a very close friend 'James.' He lived with his partner of three years and I was the "other woman." His relationship consisted of constant fights over cheating on both side. 'Lets get mad and scream at each other even though we both are doing the same thing' was often the theme. (Hold your eye roll, it gets worse)  James had always told me how much he loved me and how we should move in together and date and blah blah blah. But I always held back because he had a boyfriend. I would only consider dating him once he was fully broken up and single. Time went on and we became very close as his relationship became even more of a trainwreck. His relationship finally ended one night when I got a call in the middle of the night to come and pick him up at the Yale New Haven Psych Ward. From there I drove him to his apartment with a police escort to pack up his belongings. The next moring I put him on a plain and he flew home to his family in Maryland. Coincidentally enough we had been planning a visit to Baltimore for the following week. So as planned I flew down the next week to visit and see how he was holding up. In that short week a lot happened. Here in Connecticut I started to let my emotional guard down becuase he was finally single. I even considered moving to Baltimore. (Commence eye roll) During that same week in Maryland, James found the new love of his life. So 7 days later when I flew down with my heart on my sleave I was horrified to find that I had already been replaced. I've started to realize being replaced is a theme in my love life.

At this point in our story you might be asking how this relates to closure. Good Question! While I was on this emotional gun shot of a vacation, James and I had a very honest conversation. He told me in simple terms "I don't love you as much as I love Paul, I have never loved you as much as I love Paul and I never will." Yes this was heart breaking to hear and I was devistated. However it was total closure. I was over it after a week or so. When you are told very clearly 'why and why not' there are no other questions to ask. It was the best thing that could have happened. I also avoided a disastrous move. Yikes! With all this said, if your relationship/friendship looks grim and doomed you may as well get it all out in the open. Be honest and tell them all the feelings you've been holding back or get answers to the questions that will keep you up at night for the next year. From my experience the other person will not always want to open up and share their feelings but the most you can do is own up to and resolve your side of the situation. Like Salt said "Life is to short in this crazy world to let a fight go on."