Thursday, October 27, 2011

Tyler Perry

I detest Tyler Perry. He's extremely successful yet he has not come out of the closet. Ok, if you want to stay in the closet that's your business. I may not totally respect a closeted celebrity, but I understand it. What pissed me off about Mr. Perry was when he went on the Oprah Winfrey Show to talk about his childhood molestation. Any type of abuse is awful and I don't mean to diminish that in any way. I have a problem with him because the theme of the show was about honesty and he was finally going to talk about the abuse so that other men would not feel ashamed. Oprah filled the audience with other abused men who held up pictures of themselves at the age when they were first molested. Very moving. But it also sends a different message. He is unconsciously telling the public that he is more ashamed and scared of his homosexuality then he is of being sexually molested as a young boy. When you sit down for the big Oprah honesty interview how is that not one of the topics?!? "So Tyler, tell us about your long time partner Nathan."

Fuck you Tyler Perry.

This makes me want to praise Ellen Degeneres even more. She is one of the only celebrities who came out when she had everything to loose. So many stars announce they're gay after they've made their money and their carrier is slowing down. People like Rosie O'Donnell, Ricky Martin, Jodie Foster, Cynthia Nixon and Lance Bass all came out when they had little to loose. I'm not going to applaud you just because you stopped lying. I don't lie every day but you don't see me on the cover of Time magazine. Ellen took the road less traveled and came out while her show was still on the air. Bravo! Jane Lynch should also get a round of applause. She was never in the closet. She has always been open and honest about it. Good for you Jane!

Random Thoughts

If I ever have an office... I'm totally stealing this idea!


Monday, October 24, 2011

Joe's Spank Me Time

Special Edition: Porn Twins

I love Tumblr. However I keep finding pictures of my friends naked... or so I thought. This week, for the third time I found a picture that looked like someone I know. I didn't want to jump to any conclusions so I did some investigating first. As it turns out (in all three cases) they are not who I thought they where. It's just another case of having a porn twin. Can you guess the local look a like?

 *If you're not local to Connecticut I apologize because you probably won't recognize anyone or see the likenesses. But at least you can enjoy the pictures for they pure porn pleasure.

Saturday, October 22, 2011


When is the last time someone surprised you? Either from a suprise party, gift, or any act that was completely unexpected. Maybe even something that was out of character. (Unfortunalty a suprise may be negitive but we'll stay on the side of positivity for now) We all love our friends and family but it's easy to predict their behavior due to the nature of our relationships. After knowing someone for years, you know who they'll lust after and how many bottles of wine they'll order at dinner. I'll be the first to admitt that I'm one of the most predictable people on earth. I remember talking to my friend Joe once while on my day off. Before I said anything, he was able to list verbatem what I had done that day. He got everything right even down to my shopping list at Stop & Shop. Mind you, being a person of routine isn't a bad thing. I just think every now and then you show throw them a curve ball.

Whenever I start to think about what people have or have not done to me, I try and remind myseld of my own actions. Therefore I'm going to atempt to get out of my comfort zone a little more often and surprise people. I'm not sure what exactly that means... but keep an eye out. Maybe you'll find me reading a book outside on a camping trip with my boyfriend in a pair of tivas. (Talk about a shock!)

Just as a side note: I tried to remember a time when some really surprised me. One story that stood out in my mind was about Joe as well. We had been dating for only a short time when I went up to visit him in New Hampshire. It was the middle of winter and a huge ice storm rolled into town. Soon the power went out. I was very disappointed because we had planned on watching the Golden Globe Awards that night. Joe knew how much I loved award shows and felt bad that I missed it. A week or two later he gave me a gift. When I openned it I found the official program from the the Golden Globe Awards. Apparently he called the Hollywood Foreign Press claiming to be 'god knows who' and talked them into sending him the hard to get item. It was awesome. Very memorable and unexpected.

What's your surprise story? Or How are you going to surprise someone soon?


Thursday, October 20, 2011


Website Spotlight: 

If you haven't clicked on you must check them out. They have an amazingly HUGE selection of shoes. I picked out some of my favorites that would be perfect for any fall festivity. I mean, futuristic white boots... could you die! (To be honest they're a little too over the top even for me) Don't worry if you buy the wrong size, their return process is a breeze. They have everything from designer labels to basic lifestyle at every price. But if you're looking for something a little stylish and different, give Zappos a try.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Fall's Top 10

October is well underway and the temp is falling. Don't let that get you down though. There's plenty to be excited about and the Gay Gasp is here to highlight Fall's must haves:


1. Project Accessories- I love this idea! The team at Project is finally capitolizing on their success with a spin off. Molly Sims will host the show starting October 27th.

2. Project Runway All Stars- Heidi and friends are following in the foot steps of Tyra and having an all star season. As always (just like ANTM) there are the faces you instanly remember and the ones that make you think... "Who the hell is that?" Either way I'm pumped! Tune in November 3rd.

visit for more info

3. Anonymous- (Out 10/28) Another take on the story of William Shakespeare. This films believes the conspiracy theory that all of Shakespeares famous works were writen by someone else.
4. J. Edgar- (Out 11/9) You can tell from the preview when a movie is trying to win an Oscar. This movie about J. Edgar Hoover is one of those movies. It's a story that is full of legend and gossip. I know Leo and friends won't disappoint.

5. Red State (10/18 on DVD)- A Kevin Smith directed horror movie about a religious zelot who captures sexually active teenagers. 

6. Bad Teacher (10/18 on DVD) Honestly, I thought it was funnier then Bridesmaids.

7. Pumpkin Pie Blizzard at DQ- Ok, I have to be honest... I tried this last night and it was a little disappointing. The first bite was good but most of it just tasted like vanilla ice cream with pieces of graham crackers mixed in.

8. Pumpkin Pie Cheesecake and Pumpkin Everything- I love pumpkin flavored desserts. Cheesecake being high on my list. Does Ben and Jerry's have a pumpkin pie flavor? I'll check it out and report back.  

9. Holiday Treats- Put your fat pants on because it's the season of weight gain. Halloween Candy, Thanksgiving Pies, Christmas Cookies and New Years coctails.


10. Cold Weather- Warm temps are great, but it doesn't leave you much options for clothing. Boots, coats, jeans, pants, hoodies, cardigans, vest, sweaters, and SCARVES! Oh my!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Halloween Costumes

Can't think of a clever Halloween costume? The Gay Gasp is here to help. If you want something simple and easy look to the headlines. With Steve Job's recent death, he has been a major topic in the news. He also is know for a signature look that can be copied very easily. Cheap jeans and a black turtle kneck are all you need. If you're worried the costume will be boring... cover the shirt in fake blood and go as zombie steve jobs. In need of something bigger for you and your friends? Group costumes are always a hit, as was the movie Bridesmaids. Buy some horrible pink dresses from Salvation Army and your the stars of the hit comedy. Wether as a group or single, the Jersey Shore cast won't let you down. Hit up Marshalls for a super tacky Ed Hardy shirt on clearance, get a gold chain and some bronzer, and poof! you're Ronnie or the Situation.  Tip: if you want to try for Snookie, recycle last years Amy Winehouse wig.
If you want something more classic try a sport such as rugby, basketball, baseball etc. They may not be the most exciting, but guys look hot in sports gear and you're likely to get laid as a hot rugby player. The sexy theory works for any man in uniform. You can raid Army Surplus for military inspired duds or a uniform shop to look like a doctor, mechanic, firefighter, or chef. When you've got no time or money use what you have around the house. Go out in your rattiest tshirt and boxers with a case of beer and you instantly turn into a fraternity rapist. Whatever your costume is, it's better then going as nothing at all. Never show up to a costume party without a costume. You instantly become a douche bag.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Fashion Dropout

Kanye West
Kanye West wants to be a fashion designer. Hold your eye roll... He's been working hard on his line which finally debuted last week at Paris Fashion Week. He's trying to go the road of a serious fashion label, not just a raper with a clothing line. Celebrities turned designers are rarely successful. The holy trinity of success being Gwen Stafani's LAMB, Victoria Beckham, and The Row by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. Kanye isn't that good yet, but the cloths were decent. Nothing exceptionally great... but not bad for a first try. The 23 looks were a mish-mosh of black, white, and beig, most mixed with fur. From the pictures it reminded me of a season finale on Project Runway, the idea of luxury but there's still something missing. All of the reviews I've read mentioned a problem with fit. Look at the black pants on the left. They look too long and the leg opening is a wierd boot cut. Over all I'd give it a B. The big test will be in 6 months when he has to put out another collection. Will be grow and learn or sink and suffer? For the record, I like Kanye West's music a lot. Most people think he's an asshole, but at least he has talent to back up his bullshit.

Above: Victoria Beckham, LAMB, The Row
visit both for more information.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Big Love

What's the newest trend in the gay community? The second boyfriend! Now that we have marriage in New York, the gay trend setters have decided they want more. More I tell you! It's a controversial topic in the straight world, but gay men have figured out that they won't find fulfillment from just one person. Open relationships have been around since the beginning of time, but the new development is a permanent third. Polyamory, most common in hippy commune communities and the Mormons religion, is starting to infiltrate queer society. Currently I know 5 couples that have brought a permanent 3rd into their relationship. From what I can tell the arrangements can vary from triad to triad. Some are and equal partnership amongst all three members and some are situations where one person has two boyfriends. But inquiring minds want to know... with a triad is double penetration required? (I'll do some more private investigating on that matter) While the site of three gay men together elicits gossip and glares, everyone involved seems to be happy from what I can tell.

If you want to get on board with this trend, here are some suggestions to finding your second soul mate:

-You already have a partner to fall back on, so for boyfriend #2 try something new. Take inspiration from the Paris runways and go ethnic. Asians are always sleek and sophisticated and Brazilians are notoriously good at Jenga.

-Look far and wide. Over half of the triads I know have a member who are or were out of state. Why not plan ahead and snag a man in your favorite vacation destination such as Hawaii. That way you'll have a free place to stay next year.

-Guys named Trevor are the best gardners while men named Butch are the best in bed. Choose accordingly.

I sollute the gay pioneers of love and sex. One day Facebook will recognize your union(s) and allow multiple relationship status picks.


Sunday, October 9, 2011

Happy Anniversary

Today is the One Year Anniversary of the Gay Gasp. It just occurred to me now that my anniversary date is 10/10/10. The funny thing is that I can't remember if I did that on purpose or if it was a divine mistake. We'll just say it was on purpose. My first year has been a successful one. I love that you enjoy reading my rambling and I'll continue to try and keep it new and interesting. Call it a gay cliché but part of my inspiration was Carrie Bradshaw's column on Sex and the City. This blog is my version of magazine column. A bit of fashion, sex, observation, and life experience hopefully done in an amusing way.

When I started this blog I was in a shitty point in my personal life. Hopefully this didn't show through that much. I've tried very hard to edit out a lot of my emotional bullshit. Basically, I was broken. But in a small way the Gay Gasp has given me something to focus my time and energy on rather then dwell on the past. I'm glad to say as summer started my mood improved and it's gotten better ever since. I'm stronger and I'm fighting the good fight.

The Gay Gasp will continue for many more years. Interestingly enough, the original title I wanted to use was Plan B, but the name was already taken. I think it worked out for the best and I wouldn't change a thing. But enough about the past...let's focus on the future. What's next for the GG? I'll continue to update as much as possible. Check back on Wednesday for "Big Love."

*I'd like to give a special thank you to my friends Stan, Steve, and Justin. You were there for me and answered my calls. It means a lot to me.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Joe's Spank Me Time

This is Brandon Sheets. He was on The Tonight Show w/ Jay Leno last night, with his father, promoting their show Storage Wars. He's also FUCKING HOT! With such an adorable face and a thick build... I would do dirty dirty things to his naked body. I've never seen the show, but now I may have to tune in (with no pants on). Catch Storage Wars Wednesday at 10pm on A&E. 

P.S. To all my fellow internet stalkers out there, find more pics of him! Naked is always A+

Thursday, October 6, 2011

My Soundtrack

If you had to create a soundtrack for your life, what songs would be on it? I created my list last night at 3am when I couldn't sleep. Some of the songs remind me of a specific time in my life (Pink) while others are tunes I used to be obsessed with (Blur). It was also fun to take a trip down music memory lane... I haven't listened to 10,000 Maniacs in decades!

Joe's Life Soundtrack:

Pearl Jam-Daughter
Tori Amos- Cornflake Girl
Whitney Houston- Same Script Different Cast
Whitney Houston- I Have Nothing
10,000 Maniacs- Because the Night
Gwen Stefani- What You Waiting For
Pink- Glitter in the Air
Blur- Great Escape
Filter- Hey Man Nice Shot
The Cranberries- Zombie
Imperial Teen- You’re One
Deborah Cox- Absolutely Not
Beyonce- Satellites
Lady Gaga- Bad Romance
Lady Gaga- Paparazzi
Rihanna- Only Girl in the World,
Rihanna- Don’t Stop the Music
Hole- Miss World
India Arie- Video
Kelly Rowland (w/David Guetta)- When Love Takes Over
Missy Elliot- 4 My People
Florence and the Machine- Dog Days Are Over
Adele- Hometown Glory
Adele- Rolling in the Deep
Madonna- Celebration
Madonna- Like a Prayer
Madonna- Hung Up
Madonna- Vogue

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Gay Gasp Investigates

The Golden Girl has been in re-runs for decades and I can still watch it over and over again. The Nanny is headed in that same tradition. If you're like me, you watch them both. I never get tired of either show and they remain funny as the years go bye. Why do both shows capture the attention of a gay audience so easily? Maybe it's because they have a lot more in common then you'd think. Many of their episodes have similarities, while others are just drown right the same plot. If you don't believe me see for yourself:

Plot:  Were you switched at birth?

The Nanny: Fran gets a call from a black women claiming to be her real mother
Golden Girls: Sophia's long time friends claim Dorothy and Gina where switched at birth

Plot: Jeopardy

The Nanny: C.C.'s father gets Fran on the game show and she wins
Golden Girls: Dorothy tries out for Jeopardy but doesn't make it on

Plot: The Sperm Bank

The Nanny: Fran is think about having a baby on her own
Golden Girls: Blanche's daughter visits Miami and wants a baby

Plot: Childhood nanny back in town

The Nanny: Maxwell's childhood nanny pays a visit
Golden Girls: When Blanche's father dies, her childhood nanny come back to town

Plot: In love with a thief

The Nanny: Fran is purposed to by man who later steals jewelry as they are ring shopping
Golden Girls: At Blanche's Midnight Madness party, a british man steals her necklace

Plot: Held up at gun point

The Nanny: Fran and Sylvia are held hostage at a bank
Golden Girls: The girls are held up at Rose's office before Christmas

Plot: Sister moves in

The Nanny: Fran's sister moves in to cook while Niles is away
Golden Girls: Dorothy's sister comes to Miami when she looses all her money

Plot: The pen pal

The Nanny: Val and Fran's long time pen pal comes to New York
Golden Girls: The convict Blanche has been writing to gets out of prison

Plot: The boyfirend hits on her best friend

The Nanny: Val's new boyfriend makes a pass at Fran and they get into a fight
Golden Girls: Dorothy's doctor boyfriend hits on Blanche and they get into a fight

Plot: Feuding Family

The Nanny: Sylvia and her sister Aunt Rita haven't talked because a fight at a party
Golden Girls: Sophia's sister Angela comes to Miami and to continue their fight (which started at a party)

Plot: Date with a highschool classmate

The Nanny: Fran goes on a date with an old classmate who threatens to kills himself
Golden Girls: Dorothy goes out with the man who stood her up for her junior prom

Plot: Moving Out

The Nanny: Fran and Val move into an apartment in a gay building
Golden Girls: Rose moves out after a near death experience

Plot: Unclaimed Baby

The Nanny: Fran kidnaps a women's baby my mistake on the subway
Golden Girls: A baby is left at the house after a marathon

Plot: Heart Attack

The Nanny: Niles becomes a pest when after his heart attack
Golden Girls: Stan moves in and takes advantage after his heart surgery

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Meet the Boys

For the past couple years 3 boys have been an important part of my life. The pugs: Fitzy, Archie, and Doug. All three dogs belong to my sister but now all five of us are roommates in a 3 bedroom apartment.

This story starts 10 years ago. At the time my sister Sara was living in her first home as a newlywed. Wes, her ex-husband, had just become a Waterbury policeman and was consistently working the night shift. Understandably, she wanted a dog to keep her company as well as make her feel safe. So she did a lot of research into which small dog bread would be best for her lifestyle. In the end, it came down to either a pug or a shih tzu. She opted for the pug because Wes didn't want a total girly dog. That's when Fitzy came into our lives. He was a tiny little pug puppy brought home in the middle of winter. My sister couldn't bear to bring this small helpless pooch out in the freezing cold to go to the bathroom. That's why all three dogs are littler box trained. As time went on she felt guilty about leaving Fitzy home alone. He needed a friend. One year later Archie arrived. Both dogs bonded quickly and it stayed that way for several years. As they got older though, Sara started to worry about what would happen when they die. "If I get a third dog, I'll still have a companion if something should happen to the first two." Doug was brought home from the breeder 4 years ago to fill the void. Now we're living happily ever after in West Hartford.

Ok, so happily ever after may be an over statement. Living with three dogs is a chore. Two dogs are perfect, three is one to many. Trust me on this, three is too much. Sara would tell you the same thing. We love them anyway though and they keep life interesting. It's never a dull moment around here. Your heart melts when the look up at you with their big bug eyes and scrunched up little faces.

Daily Life

Fitzy- Each dog has a distinct personality. Fitzy is the oldest with a touch of anxiety and nervousness. The poor thing can never relax. He's also the best trained. (best being a relative term) From the beginning Fitzy and I  have had a natural bond. I'm not sure what it is, but he's always liked me best. We're generally inseparable at home. I'll be cleaning and doing chores and he'll still follow every step I take like a shadow. If I stop for a moment he's instantly sitting on the top on my feet. When I'm sitting on the couch he's either on my lap or snuggled next to me.

Archie- Archie can be described in one word: Tongue. His tongue doesn't really fit in his mouth. Even when he's sleeping, it hangs out onto the pillow. This also is the reason why he's most people's favorite. Archie was the runt of his liter and therefore has a small head, big paws, and an over abundance of thick fluffy fur.  His nickname is "Piggy" or "the Pigman." Unlike Fitzy, Archie is the most relaxed and easy going of all the dogs. You can almost imagine him like a stoner. The Seth Rogan of pugs. The only thing he wants is a soft pillow to lay on and a belly rub. He'll sit for hours on end if you rub and scratch him. His other quirk is his nightly routine. Every night he walk about 4 laps around our apartment with a stuffed toy in his mouth whimpering and crying. It's hysterical to watch.

Doug- Doug is the youngest and just coming out of his puppy phase. He still wants to be chased and play catch. Doug annoys the hell out of me sometimes. With Sara or anyone else, he'll sit down and relax on the couch and behave. With me it's a different story. He can never relax because he's so excited to sit on my lap. He'll literally stand on all fours and try to attach my face with his tongue. And he never gets tired of it...ever. Like Fitzy and I, Doug has grown to love my mother. When Sara brings them over for a visit, it's usually a struggle to get him to leave.

I love all the pugs and the unconditional love is something that everyone needs. However, if I ever lived on my own I'm not sure I would get a dog. There is a tremendous amount of  money and responsibility that comes along with a dog. They take over your life and your home but they also fill it with love.

Random Facts:

Pugs shed. I can't begin to describe the epic amount of hair in our apartment. We vacuum, we swiffer, we dust and it's still not enough. It's a loosing battle.

They have their own doggy dermatologist. Yes that's correct. Fitzy and Archie go to a dermatologist for allergies. They're also on allergy medication.

They love to sleep under a blanket. If you are sitting on the couch, one of them will come over and start to scratch at you thigh or waist. This is their way of telling you that they want you to put a blanket on your lap so they can sleep underneath it. No kidding.

We have to feed them specific amounts at specific times of day. (and they know when it's dinner time...they have an amazing internal clock) If we left the food out all day, they would truly eat themselves to death.

Pugs like to be around people. Like most dogs, pugs like it when everyone is home.