I started thinking about this post specifically with regard to sex. Have you ever had mediocre sex with someone and afterward you thought to yourself, "That was a waste of time and it's not happening again." Maybe he has a hot body but he also likes baby talk or he's one of those sexy muscle bears who's into man smells. It's one of those situations where you can fake interest for a night but once you shoot your load... it's over. Remember Janice on Friends? Then a funny thing happens, after a couple months he hits you up on Growlr and somehow sex amnesia kicks in and you forget why you swore off him the last time. Whatever the downside, there is usually an upside that helps wash away the bad memories. His hot bubble butt blurs your memory of his excessive popper usage. "I don't know why it's been so long.. he had a really great ass. I should invite him over." The amnesia is never permanent though. Once he's lying next to you trying (and failing) to get hard, all your memories flood back and you realize your mistake. "Oooooh yeah, now I remember..."
After thinking about sex amnesia a little bit more I realized the same concept can be applied to general social situations. Time and distance can blur that mental note you made. For example that friend you hid on Facebook because of his constant negativity. When when you see him out at a dinner party you start wondering why you distanced yourself from him in the first place? You even tell him, "We haven't talked in forever, we should hang out more." Good old amnesia is in full effect until the next day when he calls to tell you how his evening ended. Apparently he left the restaurant to 'go find food' (heavy air quote usage) with the excessively nose-itchy James. Finding food of course turned into a stop at an abandoned car wash were he got car head in exchange for making a purchase from James' coke dealer. Much like the limp-dicked popper queen from above all your memories come back. You vow to avoid him at all costs. That is until 3 months from now when you'll inevitably hear yourself saying, "Oh my god sit down, I haven't seen you in ages..."
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Rupaul's Drag Race! Start Your Engine!!
The All Star season is here and I'm hooked! This season Ru has changed it up a smidge and put the queen in pairs. All your favorites are back so let's break it down queen by queen.
Alexis Mateo- Alexis Mateo has a great personality and is fun to watch. She's the girl that is talented and will make it far but has no chance in hell of ever winning.
Chad Michaels- Oh Chad, you're scorned from loosing to Sharon Needles. (BTW Sharon, if you're reading this, you're still my favorite!) Back to Chad... you're professional and polished but I've decided I don't care. Like the judges always tell you, you're a bit to perfect. My advice: Get completely trashed on those Absolute cocktails and stumble onto the runway in a junkie whore homage to Courtney Love.Give them dirty angry slut realness. Also, I was kind of hoping you would get kicked off in the first round.
Jujubee- I can't say anything bad about Jujubee. In fact I know/knew her personally. She lived across the hall from me in college. (True story) Honestly, Jujubee is a well educated and a down to earth wonderful person. She's the most together Drag Queen I've ever met. Go Jujubee!!
Latriiiiiiiiiiice Royale- Ok now we're getting somewhere. Latrice has a real shot at winning. I would love to see her walk away with the well deserved title.
Manila Luzon- Manila is another one of my favorites. When it was down to her and Raja I had a hard time picking a favorite. I can't put my finger on it but there's just something I really like about her. She's going to go far and has a shot a the final title.
Meme Imfurst- Ugh. Honey, you're a mess. The question "Why is she even on the show?" was asked several times during the premier episode. Nina Flowers was right, "Someone has to go home first."
Nina Flowers- Ms. Flowers should have won season one. She was FIERCE!! If she can bring it as well as she did in season one, she may be unstoppable. In the first episode she didn't stand out as her normal self instead looking old with an awful runway wig. Hopefully she comes back strong!
Pandora Boxx- Unfortunately you got paired with Meme Imfurst so you were behind the eight ball to begin with. However, you gave up and gave in. Your misery was palpable to everyone. If you put on a smile and made the best of it I truly think you could have avoided elimination. BTW... why in the hell did you let Meme Lip Sync for both your lives?
Raven- I like Raven because she has style but with some edge. She has that 'not to perfect' quality that Chad Michaels is lacking. Also she could be a strong yet surprising contender for the win.
Shannel- I hate Shannel. Her costumes are too gaudy and over the top... and that's saying a lot on a Drag competition. Plus she thinks her shit don't stink. She needs to be taken down a peg and then sent home!
Tammie Brown- We didn't see much of Tammie Brown on her season because she was kicked off early. She seems strange and weird in a good way so far. We'll have to see if that turns really good or really bad.
Yara Sofia- I like Yara Sofia but I can't understand a word she says. I suspect she'll stick around for a while but like her partner Alexis, she has no chance of ever winning.
-Untucked is AMAZING and it may be better then the actual show.
-I hope one of the episodes brings back all the former winners as a panel of judges.
-Why does it seem like a win on Drag Race equals a ticket to oblivion? It seems like we only hear from the runners up? Raja occasionally pops up in that Absolute Ad but otherwise they don't get much airtime. I counting on Sharon Needles to kick that curse in the ass.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
When I write a blog piece I try to be as honest and forth coming as possible. With that in mind, I thought this would be a good time to update you on my relationship status. When I first moved to Dallas I met a wonderful guy. Since then we've spent a lot of time together and he's become an important part of my life. What can I say, I'm a smitten kitten. There's one detail I should mention though. While we are going on dates, we're not officially dating yet. Don't worry it's not like the subject has been ignored, it's just better for us to take it slow and steady. I'll admit I'm a little scared of screwing things up because I have such a lack of dating experience and he's a little gun shy after a very long relationship ended. That's why easing into things works best for us. It also just makes sense to me on a deeper level. I associate a deep bond with time. The biggest crushes I've had in the past have always been for guys I've known for a reasonable length of time. I do not believe in love at first site. Taking our time also gives me a chance to see myself in the 'boyfriend' role. It's not a switch that happens over night when you've been single as long as I have.
A lot of people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the slow and steady concept. When I explain it to them I get the same exact response: "Well as long as you're happy..." Friends wouldn't be friends if they weren't looking out for me and I know my best interest is their number one priority. They are afraid I'm being strung along only to end in heartbreak. You don't have to worry, my eyes are as open as my heart. However please know that your concern means a lot to me and I'm blessed to have people who care so much about my happiness. I can't predict what will happen in the future but I know I'll survive and be happy.
The only problem that remains is should we be called Roey or Jussell?
Friday, October 19, 2012
Thursday night was the season 10 finale of Project Runway. There’s a lot to discuss. First things first, the judges chose Dmitry as the winner. I usually agree with the judges or at the very least can see there point of view. I couldn’t believe how much they loved his garments. Throughout the season Dmitry made well tailored clothes that got him to the final 4. During the critique for his final three looks (officially getting him to The Final Runway) the judges warned him that his looks could come across old. After he switched around some of his pieces the judges applauded him for making it look fresh and young. Young? Were we looking at the same models? The jacket with the fringe sleeves paired with draped baggy black pants. GAG! I thought most of his collection was horribly ugly. I did like his first look, the white dress with the cut-outs. However it was 2 sizes to big and didn’t fit the model. If you’re doing a dress with cut outs the dress should fit her like a glove. There is also an element of boring to Dmitry.
So Dmitry won and life goes on. Honestly we’ll never hear anything from him again as he fades into forgettable history. As for the other 3 designers, let’s go through them one by one. I felt bad for Christopher who was the front runner all season. He fell apart in the finale. I really enjoyed his print made from his mother’s xray and he had a lot of great pieces. I think he just got overwhelmed with the stress and made bad styling choices. I’m not sure if he had a winning collection but he had a collection that was at least good enough for runner up. Melissa was next with her rocker meets Macys looks. Her collection wasn’t ok… Many of the dresses were nice but safe. Nothing stood out except for that stupid white sheath dress that had the model hobbling down the runway like a Japanese geisha with bound feet. The red (leather?) dress had a punch of color but I hate asymmetrical hems on a one shoulder dress. Do one or the other, not both. I thought her show was the weakest of the bunch. My favorite moment of the episode was when Christopher (in his confessional interview) bitched about Melissa’s ‘blood orange’ dress, “Blood orange? Are you kidding me… (eye roll) It’s fucking red.”
That leaves Fabio who should have won. I am shocked that I liked his collection the best because from the entire season I can’t remember one notable piece he made. His collection was the most unique which was helped by the fact that the other three designers could’ve have combined their efforts into one big (dark) collection. I wanted the final two to be Christopher and Fabio with Fabio pulling out the win. At least the judges liked his collection as much as I did.
Why don’t they have the finale live? Everyone knows they tape it weeks in advance with decoy collection to through off the audience. Side Note: I wish they would have a special ‘behind the scenes’ episode where they showed the fake collections.
A tip to future PR contestants. Have a plan. Going onto the show you can expect to have the following challenges: Men’s wear, the Real Women (plus size) challenge, the unconventional materials challenge, and the make your own pattern challenge. Every season they may tweak the details but you can have a general idea in your head. If your strength is gown making practice a killer pair of pants. Practice whatever your weakness is because there will be a whole challenge devoted to whatever it may be. Finally, plan and prepare your final collection. You may not have the money to buy fabric ahead of time but muslin is a cheap way to prepare possible outfits. Think of things to make ahead of time: patterns, sketches, jewelry, accessories etc.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Designing Women has been one of my all time favorite shows ever since I was a kid. One of my favorite moments from DW was when Julia Sugarbaker confronts the current Ms. Georgia World after she has bad mouthed Susan Sugerbaker. (a former titleholder and Julia's sister) To be honest, it's one of my favorite scenes in television history. Unbeknownst to me, my favorite scene of the series is an iconic gay monologue. I had loved it for years before I knew that there were thousands of gay men who shared my opinion. Local bars in Dallas broadcast it on their TV's on week nights. It's one of those random pop culture moments that links us all together. Well, those of us in a certain age range. Without further delay, I give you "The night the lights went out in Georgia."
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Today is the 2 year anniversary of The Gay Gasp. The traditional gift for a 2 Year Anniversary is cotton, which I interpret to mean clothes. So if you want to send me presents I'm a XL-XXL at Threadless.com. The Gay Gasp started while I was bored working from my home office on a slow Sunday afternoon. It seems so far away now. Well I guess it is because it's literally over 1000 miles away now. This past June I broke out of my comfort zone and moved half way across the country to Dallas, TX. The move was a long time coming although once I set the wheels in motions it went much quicker then I expected. For years I had always fantasized about living somewhere completely different but I never had the courage to do it.
The number one question I get asked is always "Why did you move?" It's an understandable question that has a two part answer. The first part is Weather. I hate winter. To be more specific I hate snow. Remember January of 2011 when Connecticut got a major blizzard every couple days? That was my breaking point. I can deal with cold if I have to but snow fucks everything up.
As I said, the weather was only half the reason for my move. It's also the easier to explain. The second part is a bit more complex. This seconds part of why I moved is what I wanted to focus on for my anniversary blog post as a way of showing where I was and how far I've come.
I'll begin by saying pointing out that I was born and raised in Connecticut and until this year I had lived there my entire life. I still consider it my home. Connecticut is a beautiful state that has a lot to offer. Side note: you can always tell when a bashing is going to ensue because I always start out with a bland compliment. Connecticut is a state filled with wonderful (gay) people most of whom are 40+ and partnered for many years. I don't mean that as a knock on age, I only point it out to show the different stage of life they are in. There is a serious lack of options if you're single and ready to mingle. I could also go on and on about CT being boring, lacking a good bar scene, and being so repetitively mundane that it could drive a sane person to hysterics. While that all may be true, the biggest problem in Connecticut was me. I was becoming a bitter and jaded. My default reaction to everything was a groan and an eye roll. Lucky I had an amazing group of friends that prevented me from turning into a total kill joy. I guess the easiest way to explain it is by saying, I moved because I just needed a change.
Now I'm hear in Dallas and moving did everything it was supposed to do. I feel like I have a fresh perspective on life. Everything is new and exciting again. In addition to a fresh perspective I have an active dating life. A dating life that includes more then just a random hook up every so often. It's like God wanted to give me a sign that I made the right choice so he sent me the hottest cowboy in town as soon as I arrived. While I'm still technically single it's nice to know that the possibility of finding a boyfriend is out there. Before I moved I truly believed it wasn't in the cards for me.
One more thing. I've been meeting a lot of new people since I've been here. Some are transplants from other states and some are born and raised Texans. Every so often I meet someone who does nothing but bitch and moan about Dallas. When I meet these guys I listen and offer a sympathetic ear because I know their pain. I was one of them 4 months ago. Maybe I should suggest they move to Connecticut? Gasp!
The Gay Gasp will go on as I move through life and get annoyed by meaningless celebrities. If you ever have an questions or have a topic you'd like me to address please feel free to leave a comment. (Comments can be left anonymously) That's goes for everyone except the Meg Ryan super fan... you just need to let it go.
Monday, October 8, 2012
I was out at the Dallas Eagle Friday night and ran into a friend who is recently engaged in Paris where they had been visiting his fiance's family. We got talking about all the time sensitive wedding details that needed to be dealt with. Having a France fiance naturally means a wedding in France. Planning any wedding takes time and energy but once you move it overseas the To Do list doubles as the time line is cut in half. As our conversation progressed I somehow transformed into the gay wedding planner giving suggestions on save the date cards and venue choices. Once I got home I thought about our conversation and it struck me that all this wedding planning knowledge came spilling out of my mouth from unknown origins. How and why did I know so much about weddings? The answer was clear... wedding planning must be my Secret Gay Skill.
You're Secret Gay Skill is that one skill that comes naturally without any training. When I mentioned the phenomena to two friends visiting from San Antonio and they agreed. Their SGS was catering family functions having never had an organized cooking lesson. Somehow it just came naturally to them. My secret gay skill happens to be wedding planning but yours can be anything from arranging flowers to furniture. My friend Punk is great at putting eye makeup on even though he's one of the butchest bears you'll meet. You probably have a SGS lurking deep down just waiting for that moment when it's called to duty.
I'll be the first to admit that save the date cards are not a revolutionary idea. But to someone in the dark it makes a world of difference. So the next time you're folding napkins into swans or expertly hand painting pottery don't assume everyone can do it as well as you can. It may just be your secret gay skill.
P.S. Apart from that first conversation, I don't want to take credit or infer that I'm planning the French wedding.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Lifetime is remaking the classic tear-jerker Steel Magnolias with an all blacktress cast. This is the head to head line up of who's playing who in the new cast:
Sally Field = Queen Latifa
Sally Field = Queen Latifa
Shirley Maclaine = Alfre Woodard
Dolly Parton = Jill Scott
Julia Roberts= Condola Rashad
Olympia Dukakis = Phylicia Rashad
Darryl Hannah = Adepero Oduye
For the complete cast list visit www.imdb.com
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
1. Leave any non-sex-necessities in the car. Yes theft may be a risk, but a bigger hazard is your own forgetfulness. In the rush to get dressed and get out it's very easy to forget personal items like your watch, glasses, or phone. Best to only bring your keys.
2. Be warned, if a guy is heavily into poppers... it's going to take a lot for him to cum.
3. If you've never met or had sex with him, don't drive more then a half hour for a hook up. Worse case scenario: he's ugly and can't get hard. Now on top of your shitty night you have a long drive home. Don't do it!
4. No pictures = he's ugly. Trust me, this is always true.
5. When a guy is coming over (this works for any company) txt him a picture of the outside of your house or apartment building. GPS is great but it always helps to have a visual reference.
6. If you show up and it's an instant NO, be honest and leave. No need to waste each others time.
7. When you're about to cum, let him know. If he's cum shy he can move out of the way. If he's a cum pig he can get his mouth closer. It's also helpful if you're not a huge cummer. Have you ever been having sex with someone and thought to yourself, "Did he cum? Was that it? Should I keep going?"
8. Keep bottled water in the fridge. A cold bottle is a nice thank you gift after a guy has just coated your throat.
9. There's still a surprisingly large group of closeted married men who want their dick sucked. There no advice here... just an FYI.
10. The later and hornier it gets, the lower your standards sink. This has been termed the Bad Decision Bear. The BDB takes over and you end up fucking an ugly troll because he's the only one who said yes at 1am on a Tuesday. Don't have instant sex regret. (The cure for the Bad Decision Bear is jerking off and going to bed)
P.S. The pic is from Tumblr and I don't know who it is. Although I still want to bury my face and tongue is beefy ass.