It
occurred to me that I’ve probably picked up some new readers in the last
couple months who may not be familiar with my style. First, let me say
welcome and I appreciate you taking time out to read my musings. If
there’s a chance that you’re
going to continue to read The Gay Gasp there one important thing you should know:
I am and have
always been a very bad speller. Horrible in fact. If you’re going to
continue to read what I write then you should expect
spelling/grammatical errors. It’s just a fact of life. Don’t be
confused, I do try my best to get everything
right and every post goes through a spell check program. Unfortunately
there’s often a word or two that slips through the cracks. Think of it
this way, my spelling errors are like a special gift to all of my
grammar Nazi readers. Every time I make a mistake
you can get that special feeling of superiority you love so much. It’s the gift that
keeps on giving.
While we're at it, I should also touch on subject matter. As you ready you might start to think I am talking specifically about you. Trust me... I'm not. My everyday life does inspire my writing but it is almost never about one specific person. While there may be a person who sparks the initial thought, I need to see the actions repeated by other for it to warrant it's own post. Otherwise my blog would turn into one big burn book. Also, if you're self aware enough to think I'm talking about you it's most definitely not about you.
Gluttony, Sloth, Lust, Greed, Wrath, Envy, and Pride. Better know as the seven deadly sins.
My mother is sensitive toward anyone or anything that makes women look bad. She's convinced Martha Stewart was imprisoned and treated unfairly purely because of her sex. (I agree) She also thought Paula Dean got a bad wrap during the whole racism controversy just because she's a woman. (I disagree)
With that said you might not be surprised to hear that my mother also hates Madonna. So much so that ever since I can remember she only refers to her as 'The Pig Woman.' (Okay, she sometimes uses the nickname Slut Face too) Her distaste stems from a strong feminist conviction that Madonna makes women look bad. She's a slut, she's a pig, etc etc. You get the idea. Obviously I don't agree. In fact Madge is one of, if not my all time favorite celebrities. However I can see her point. Madonna pushed sexual boundaries for many years and that's not my mother's cup of tea. We agree to disagree on the subject but I respect her point of view.
Madonna isn't the only star my mother condemns. There is one other woman who gets her blood boiling just as much. Is it Kim K? Rihanna? Lady Gaga? Lindsay Lohan? All good guesses but no. My mother can't stand Oprah. I've been a hardcore Oprah fan for many years. You would think Oprah is everything that my mother values. A strong self-made women who created an enormous empire based on positive ideals, charity, and female empowerment. She knocked over racial barriers and broke the stereotypical mold for female celebrities with her weight fluctuations. Isn't she the feminist ideal?
My mother hates Oprah for one reason and one reason only. Pride. In the words of Kathy Griffin "Oprah thinks she's Jesus." It's true, Oprah thinks she's hot shit. But if there was ever someone who could back up her self esteem... it Oprah! My mother turns her nose up though. Remember when Oprah gave her entire audience a car? "You get a car! You get a car!" It put my mother over the edge. All she would talk about was how Oprah didn't pay for the cars. It was really Pontiac who did the good deed and Oprah took all the credit. In my mother's mind, Winfrey's pride cancels out every other good deed she has done.
Although this is an extreme example, I've noticed the same sentiment rings true for most people. Drug addicts, cheaters, and abusive husbands can all have a second chance however pride is the kiss of death. I'll give you an example, how many times have you ever said or heard "God I can't stand him. All he does is post Instagram selfies all day. I could never be friends with someone like that." Or even better "The worst thing about him is that he knows he's hot." Remember that One Direction song What Makes You Beautiful? The answer to the song's title question is you're beautiful because you don't know you're beautiful. Basically they are saying they love you because you have low self esteem. That's extremely fucked up when you think about it. There's an unspoken truth that if you're great in any way, you need to be quiet and humble about it and when someone points out your gifts you should deny it and act embarrassed regardless of your true feelings.
Personally I've always been attracted to a guy with a cocky attitude. Whenever I hear someone complain about excessive selfies I usually disagree. I guess never really understood why pride is so universally accepted as the worst of all the seven deadly sins.
Syria has been in the news a lot lately and there is even talk of a coming war. It occurred to me that if you asked most people they wouldn't be able to find Syria on a map. I'm here to help. Here's a quick geography look and lesson.
Location: Middle East Region
Population: 22 Million
Religion: Muslim
Capitol: Damascus
Last week I took a mini vacation from blogging for my birthday. Let me get you up to speed on what's been going on:
I just learned that monumentous is not a real word.
I made the controversial decision and changed my first name from Joe to Joey on Facebook. Okay, I'm kidding, it wasn't that big of a deal but it has created a lot of buzz. I unexpectedly turned heads by adding a Y to my name. It didn't seem so strange to me because my entire family calls me Joey. I'm a junior and my father is and always was Joe. So one night I had a momentary whim and changed it assuming it would largely go unnoticed. Also, it should be mentioned, this doesn't affect any name changes in real life. If you already call me Joe you can keep calling me Joe. Joey is just another option. Other welcomed nicknames include: The Gay Gasp (used by Darren and Mark Albert), Joe Bob (used by my Dad when I was little because my middle name is Robert), and Joseph (used by a lot of work colleagues). Or if you can come up with something more creative that's possible too.
New Music Alert: Royals by Lorde
I turned 32 on Labor Day. I like being an even numbered age.
I'm looking forward to seeing Blue Jasmine. Cate Blanchett, Alec Baldwin and Andrew Dice Clay... Sign me up. Side note: I've always secretly loved Andrew Dice Clay.
My parents and sister live on diet soda. More specifically, they live on diet Pepsi. I grew up hating diet soda. Since making the switch I realized an important lesson. I don't hate all diet soda, I just hate diet Pepsi.
On a related note: In the past 6 months I've lost about 25-30lbs. I try to write about my life with honesty but my feelings about it are complicated and I'm not sure how to tackle the issue in a blog post. I also hate when people go on and on about weight loss. More to come... maybe.
Up coming events: Dallas Pride, a Miranda Lambert concert, and a possible visit from my sister in October.
Miley Cyrus. Whether you loved or hated her performance, she's stole every headline away from music's biggest stars despite loosing in every category for which she was nominated. Is it slut shamming or self expression? Who cares. It's publicity.
Loser of the Night? Katy Perry. She got no screen time during the show and when it was time for her performance most people had already shut off the tv. It's not her fault, the closing act is always a tough slot. As soon as the final envelope is opened we're all ready to run. Perry gave a good performance but it wasn't flashy enough to overcome the other artists or the shitty time slot. It also doesn't help that she hit the red carpet in a gown already worn by model Coco Rocha at the Met Gala.
The Most Grateful?
Ben Affleck. Talk of the VMAs diverted the public's attention away from their hatred over him as Batman. (For the records, I don't get why everyone is so angry)
Honorable Mention:
Lady Gaga. She was the perfect mix of crazy and fun to make it a great. Plus, the opening act is the best slot of the night. Everyone is excited to see the show and there's need to out-do previous acts. (Learn from this Katy)
Macklemore + Ryan Lewis. The Same Love performance was too simple to grab attention yet still very good. Side note: Where did JHud come from?
I Wanted More Of:
N'Sync. I'll be honest, I got a little bored during JT's performance and was hoping for much more than the 30 seconds he gave his former band mates. Plus, of all the N'Sync hits.... why did they chose Girlfriend??
Laughable Loss of Street Credit:
2 Chainz. Nothing kills thug-street-cred like showing up to an awards show wearing the same thing as someone else. Oh... did I mention he was wearing the same thing as a female singer Grimes.. and the 'thing' in question were silk pants.... Yeah Really.
All in all I think it was a good show. Everyone stuck true to their image. If you were a fan of the artist performing you probably loved their performance. If you hated the whole show and bitched about it on Facebook, you're our generation's version of a crotchety old complainer: Although you may have some good points, your over all anger says more about you than the actual subject you're complaining about.
P.S. The real loser of the night? Kanye. I bet you already forgot he was even there.
Remember Columbia House? The mail order CD delivery company was all the rage in the mid 90's. How could we resist... sign up and get 10 free discs! Lets enjoys some 90's tunes with songs from my 10 free CD's:
