1. You've never seen the official invite, everyone 'just knows'
2.The food will consist of hot dogs, hamburgers, mac&cheese, sides dishes, chips, and cookies.
3. Alcohol will consist of: Beer, vodka, coke/diet coke, cranberry juice, and flavored vodka no one knows what to do with.
4. Its a great place to find pot
5. There's a designated spot along the house/fence where you should piss
6. At some point there will be minor argument over who's iPhone should be the DJ
7. A cute bathing suit isn't important because its going to come off anyway.
8. Someones having sex upstairs
9. Someones getting jerked off underwater
10. There's never enough noodles
11.You've been introduced to the host couple but you're not sure which is which because they're always introduced as 'Todd and Rick.'
12. There will be a Twerk-Off. Someone will win, some one will cry.
13. That guy you hate will be there and you'll have to fake a smile all day
14. Someone will want you to take an action shot of him jumping into the pool. Afterward he'll realize his phone was in his pocket and is now ruined.
15. There's never enough ice or sunscreen
16. 5 other bears will be wearing the same Old Navy bathing suit as you. You know the navy blue one with a white stripe down the side...
17. You'll leave shoes, sunglasses, underwear or some other accessory behind.
18. Two words: Jello shots
19. The street will be to narrow and the parking will suck.
20. Watch out because someone might shit in the garage.
P.S. I LOVE Buzzfeed! Check them out in case you've been living under a rock and haven't yet.
Thank you to Andy, Gates, and Steve for the photos. If you ever need head at a pool party, let me know :)
Gasp!
Low budget Jello Shots ... I fill mine to 3/4 at least! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis I can agree with. The Buzzfeed story is like no party I'd been to.
ReplyDeleteDAMN! This hit it right on the head. More alcohol than I have ever seen in my life, the food....yes, carbs are our friend. Everytime there is the ass clown that I hate there and I do admit to thinking of ways he could die under mysterious circumstances.
ReplyDeleteActually going ro a bear pool party today
ReplyDeleteOK, I know this is dark, but true:
ReplyDelete21. All of the guys you think are really hot still avoid you mercilessly.
22. A really drunk guy not only spills his drink on you, but his plate of spaghetti as well.
23. You leave after the 4th time someone asks you why you are there because you aren't hairy or stocky enough.
Bear chasers have a tough life sometimes...
DeleteTHIS. Especially 21 and 23. I'm beefy enough and finally (at the age of 39...go fig), I have a beard that's somewhat worthy of the name. I have been called a bear a few times. I doubt I will ever consider myself a bear. After having been on the outside for so long, and building up so much bitterness for not belonging, I'm not sure I'd want to be considered a bear. Bears can be so cliquish sometimes.
DeleteNo. 14 was hit right on the head. I see it all the time
ReplyDeleteNever heard of #20 happening, but I do have to add another pair:
ReplyDelete24. The guys who are really hot refuse to take off their shorts.
25. The guys who aren't even remotely hot are the first ones naked.
So true, why do the really out of shape ones, the real Santa Claus types, always strip down like they are The Man?
DeleteThe really super hot guys don't strip (they do once they get drunk) because they can feel all the stares and lust vibrations. And they want to ward off Papa Santa Claus groping them.
The out of shape, Santa bears are probably the ones who have the best self esteems and personalities and are totally comfortable with them selves... The hotties are only thinking about what people think of the hence the big ego dressed up as shyness...
DeleteI'll take Santa over the pretty muscle bear cub ANY day, thanks...
#9? All the time!
ReplyDeleteI miss bear pool parties.
ReplyDeleteI only hear about them after they are over. Out of the loop, sadly.
ReplyDeletebear parties can be fun, but it seems at these functions everyone knows everyone and no one even tries to get to know the "newbies". There's plenty of junk food but besides the hamburger and hot hot dogs, how many bbq hotdogs in a crockpots can someone bring and the countless bags of chips. That's not even counting the numerous bargain basement grocery store cookies and bad desserts. It's sort of a diabetic older crowd coma waiting to happen. There should be a plethora of music, mix it up a tad with a sound system that everyone can hear. Why does sex have to play an important part at a social gatherings, is this what pool parties are all about. There is a time and place for everything.
ReplyDeleteThere's also the periodical check up of who's beard is developing hot badger daddy stripes, who left their Just For Men in for three hours, and which cub got a suit job so he had to shave his face and 360° around his neck. There's the bear with a second rate bear logo tee that you spend the day redesigning in your head. Three bears will have kids from a straight marriage and one or two will have grandchildren but have the sense to not talk about them. You're too drunk to remember who's backhair is soft as kitten fur and who's is rough as brillo so you keep checking them all every two hours. The cabbie that drives you home will be the hottest mess of the night.
ReplyDeleteit's just a hot mess all around......period!
DeleteI've never been to a bear pool party, and based on the horror stories i've heard about the ones in my area, I probably wouldn't want to go.
ReplyDeleteI love bear pool parties! We have the best ones where I live! So much fun! Also most of these are all true...bahahahaha! Enjoy life! Party More! Work less!
ReplyDeleteI had to go home without my underwear, once. Someone stole it...
ReplyDeleteExclusive group, generally unfriendly to those that are "new" or do not have a full chest of hair, tattoo, and/or beard.
ReplyDeleteI've never been to a bear pool party, never hear about them until after the fact. I'd go in a heartbeat if I knew ahead of time, though. And yes, I'm a bear.
ReplyDelete