Grrrr

If you follow me on Twitter you know that I never pass up the opportunity for a good sneak attack photo. So imagine my dilemma when my roommate decided to try on his new harness and jock strap in Dallas. If you were in my shoes what would you have done? Well I'm not ashamed to admit I snapped away. Later when I showed him the picture he described me better then anyone ever has:

"Joe is like a (white) tiger you bring home as a pet. He's cute and fun to play with and everyone loves him. Then one day he rips your face off. But you really can't get mad at him because I was your fault that you forgot he was still a tiger."

I couldn't have put it better myself.

Gasp!

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Is Madonna Over?

Madonna’s newest album MDNA came out yesterday to lukewarm fan fare. On iTunes none of the album's songs were in the Top 10 and the full album came in at #2 behind Lionel Richie. Obviously it’s not going to be a runaway hit. Madonna has a unique problem. She's the queen of pop music with a career that has spanned more then 30 years. She has success that puts her in an elite group with The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, and a handful of other acts. Her unparalleled success and longevity has also raised expectations to unreachable levels. I'm not going to write a boring review of the album but I am interested in everyones reaction to it. For the record, the only song I bought is Girls Gone Wild. I still haven't listened to the rest, although that may be enough of a review right there.

I didn't think about Madonna or MDNA yesterday unit I started to read Facebook. Everyone debated MDNA's quality with comments ranging from "Madonna's new album is terrible!" to "I have been a fan for over 30 years and I think the album is AMAZING!!" What was interesting is that out of nowhere someone mentioned Cyndi Lauper: "Cyndi's all blues CD was #1 for 18 weeks last year and her dance album before that was killer." I guess the general feeling was that Madonna was overrated while Cyndi was far underrated. I had to laugh. I’m a fan of Cyndi Lauper and I'm not knocking her, however she is NOT underrated. She is probably very appropriately rated. She's one of those artists that will always be referred to as "critically successful." I'll translate: critically successful means that although the music may win awards, no one cares and no one buys it. (See also: Bon Iver and Arcade Fire) Cyndi is not overrated because she was never as successful and therefore brings low expectations. As for a #1 Blues album, I'd hardly call that a relevant success especially because all the songs were covers. And let's get real, who was her competition on the blue's charts? If I had all my friends buy it, I could probably release a best selling blue's album.

Both singers exploded onto the music scene in the mid 80’s and for a while it was a close race to see who would ultimately get to the top. Unfortunately Lauper never reached the potential everyone thought she had. Once the 90’s came Madonna continued to dominate while Lauper faded away. She has continued to record albums with weak record sales. Yes she's talented but in today’s world that's not enough. There are plenty of talented people to outshine her. Case in point: Christina Auguilera. She's gifted and has a powerful voice, however she was never able to outsell her less talented rival Britney Spears. 

Getting back to Madonna, if I were her record company I would have released the album the week after the Super Bowl while everyone was still buzzing about her performance. Strike while the iron's hot. The only buzz now is that her new video was banned from Youtube. (I wouldn't be surprised if Madge asked them to ban it as a publicity stunt) The Super Bowl was also when I started to notice the high expectations. I absolutely loved her performance and assumed everyone else did too. My sister said she was disappointed with the show. When I asked her why she simply said, "I don't know... she's MADONNA. I was just expecting something more." That's the problem in a nut shell. She's MADONNA, we just expect more. To answer the original question, No I don't think Madonna's career is over. Her success is cemented regardless of what she does in the coming years. Although she may be past her prime, I'll take past prime Madonna over critically successful Cyndi Lauper any day.

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Polka Dot Parade

The Project Runway All Stars Finale is over and done with and Mondo was crowned the winner. While I was watching the show there was one dress that I couldn't take my eyes off of. It wasn't one of Mondo's winning looks nor Austin's wedding gown. Angela Lindvall wore a black Stella McCartney polka dot dress that has been worn by half of Hollywood. The dress was first worn by Kate Winslet, who also gets points for wearing it the best (although that's not saying much) and has since been seen on Jennifer Lopez, Susan Sarandon, and Kris Jenner. Is California having a dress shortage and there's only one dress that gets passed around like the traveling pants? Whatever the reason, someone needs to burn this cheap looking polka dot abomination STAT! (or at the very least wear it in a different color)

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Spit Roasted and Mr. X

Sex. The best sex you've ever had to be more specific. While I was in Dallas for TBRU I met a guy and had great sex with him. It stood out because it was much better then I had expected. It wasn't THE BEST, but still memorable. It also got me thinking about the best sex I've ever had and who it was with and why. As I starting asking around, people were getting confused so I'll try and be as clear as possible. First think of the person with whom you've had the overall best sex with in general terms. You'd probably consider him your favorite sex partner and for our purposed I'll call him Mr. X. My Mr. X is a friend who is extremely sexy physically and also has the type of personality that turns me on. He just knows how to get me going. There is no one specific time that stands out but he is by far the #1 person I jerk off thinking about. Your Mr. X may be a current boyfriend or a former roommate. When I was asking around for some informal research, one of the questions I left out was if your Mr. X is your current partner. Although the answers would be interesting, I didn't want to cause any fights.

Now that you've thought of your Mr. X put his name off to the side.

Now think of the specific best sex you've ever had. It may be a random hook up with a stranger or a long awaited rendezvous on your honeymoon. Personally, the best sex I've ever had involved a random online hook up and it was a threesomes. The best way to describe it would be to use the term Spit Roasted. It's the slang term for getting fucked while sucking someones cock. It drove me so crazy that I unexpectedly came with and physical contact with my cock. It was the first time it happened and I though I was going to piss the bed until then I realized I was cumming. It was a bit surreal. Again for the purposes of clarity I'll refer to this sex as Situation Y.

With that said, this is where my curiosity came in. While I was being spit roasted, Mr. X was not involved. When you look back at your Mr. X, was he involved in your Situation Y?

Like I said, I did a little nonscientific research at TBRU and asked a room full of friends. It seems most of the people I asked had a similar story to mine. The person with whom they like having sex with the most (Mr. X) was not involved in the specific best time (Situation Y). I also discovered most of the 'best time' stories had some aspect of the being so unexpectedly good that it only added to the excitement. 'I didn't know my upstairs neighbor was gay much less a pig bottom.' They also had a similar thread in that the person(s) involved fulfilled some sort of fetish or sexual preference. In my situation the guys had beefy bodies and a big juicy ass which only added to the pure satisfaction.

I found it interesting that most people (myself included) did not have the best sex of their life with the person they like having sex with the most. It stands to reason that emotional connection comes into play when you get specific people involved and the best situation was pure lust. What's your story? Did your Mr. X also give you the best sex of your life or was it a random gentleman who blew your mind? (literally)

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Vacation Diary

Naples

I'm back from vacation and ready to jump back on the blog band wagon. The first stop on my journey was Naples Florida to visit my parents. They first went down to Florida several years ago for a week's vacation. They fell in love with Naples and since then they have extended their stay each time. Now they are up to two months each year. I like going because it's a very relaxing visit and a nice chance to spend some QT with mom and dad. Most of our day was spent at the beach although I'm sad to report that there was a major lack of eye candy. The one thing you should know about Naples is that it's old person paradise. Trying to find someone under 65 is a scavenger hunt. Every so often I'd see a hot piece of man cake walk by in the sand who was obviously also visiting his parents. It's true, at times I felt like I was Jerry Seinfeld visiting Del Boca Vista. At night the AC was set at a chilly 78 degrees as I slept in rock hard twin bed. It was a great way to relax before heading to Dallas for Texas size fun.

Cajeta

Every year on St. Patrick's Day weekend Dallas hosts Texas Bear Round Up. I first went 5 years ago and vowed to go back. Not only did I go back, but I've brought more and more friends with me. This year a got there a day early which proved to be a wonderful decision. My goal for going a day early was to get some rest. As relaxing as Naples can be, I always sleep poorly due to the heat and awful bed. So when I arrived in Dallas my plan was to relax, shower, and go to bed early. I'm happy to report that I was in bed and asleep before 11:00 pm. Once Thursday rolled in all my friend started arriving. This year my roommate was my dear friend Justin. I knew if I got him down to Texas all the bears would eat him up like pudding. I had my traditional TBRU dinner at Uncle Julio's which wouldn't be complete without the Cajeta. [Vanilla ice cream with toasted coconut and pecans. Topped with our home-made caramel sauce and whipped cream] After dinner we headed back to the Hospitality suite where drinks flowed for free and the bears became shirtless. Also that night was the first of many pool parties. I always hit the pool parties even though critics point to the murky gray water as causing a human style Kennel Cough to all those who enter.



Big D Bear Dance

There are two parties I love the most at TBRU. First is the Friday night Big D Bear Dance held at S4. S4 is a huge two story nightclub that packs in the curvy cuties and pumps out loud dance beats. This is where I found the love of my life. Yes ladies and gentlemen I can say for the first time ever: I AM IN LOVE! Who is he? His name is the Apple Pie Shot. It was the best shot I've ever had and you can fall in love too. It's as simple as Apple Shnapps, Goldschlager, and Pineapple Juice. Absolute perfection! (and it smells just like apple cider)

Mr. Joe 'Bunny' Parker

The other top party, which is one of my favorite events of the weekend, is Sunday Church at the Hidden Door. It's a fun and relaxed atmosphere made all the better by the one and only Mr. Joe Parker. The first time I went to the Hidden Door was on Easter weekend and Mr. Parker got the idea to put on a pair of bunny ears and dance for everyone to see. To say that he's hot is an understatement. With his ginger beard and perfect body I spent the whole afternoon drooling. I was more then happy to see that he has made it a yearly tradition. This year was no different and he was in all his bunny glory. (and just as sexy as every)

The rest of the weekend was spent underwear shopping at Skivvies, brunch at Black Eyed Peas's, and and more free drinks in the hospitality suite. I love TBRU because it's the most organized event I've ever seen and it's full of hot tasty men. This year they set a record with over 1700 men registering. The final gift from the TBRU gods was an entire row to myself on the plane ride home. A perfect end to a perfect weekend.

Brunch at Black Eyed Peas

A special thanks goes out to my friend and roomie Justin. Traveling with friends can always be tricky but we made a great team. He also gave me the best advise I've gotten in a very long time. I always tend to be a love pessimist but he got me to change my outlook and take a chance on the guy who I've been crushing on. Justin has an amazing insight into feelings and relationships that comes from a very centered and caring place. I joked with him that if I'm his fashion guru, he's my dating guru.

It's sad that TBRU is over, but I look forward to another year of booze, bears, and bunnies.

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Vacation Teaser

I thought I'd post the pictures before the strories...

Updating

I've been on vacation for over a week and did not have access to my laptop. Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm typing away and a new post should be up by tomorrow morning.

Check back soon!

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Let's Talk Politics

Last week I was in the middle of a debate about deregulation. When I say in the middle, I mean physically in the middle between the two people having the debate. Political issues rarely interest me and I choose not to form an opinion because I recognize my own naivety on the subject matter. As usual though I thought it would be a good topic for a blog post. However it’s tough to write a decent article when you have no opinion on the subject. Then I realized I could tackle it from a different perspective.

During major elections I always try and get out and vote. Once I’m in the voting booth my choice is always easy, Democrat across the board. My choice has less to do with political ideology and more to do with the lack of a better option. A clear line has been drawn down the middle of the current political map dividing everyone into either Republicans and Democrats. With only a two party system there is not a lot of room for options. In general, Republicans are socially conservative and believe that less is more when it comes to government interaction. Democrats on the flip side are pro regulations and socially liberal. But what happens when you have one key issue that negates every other issue? Obviously in my case that would be gay rights. I'm always going to vote for the candidate that is more socially liberal and who supports equal rights. By default that means that I always vote democrat. There in lies the problem. What if I want socially liberal with deregulation or vice versa? I wish conservative didn't automatically equal republican and each party had more of a mix.  

The more I think about it, the more I find these combinations an oxymoron. Republicans are in favor of deregulation and less government interference in their business lives. However they are all for government getting into our personal lives making rules on birth control, abortion, marriage and death. Shouldn't it be the Democrats that want social regulation along with their corporate rules? Logically it would stand to reason that someone who is so intent of regulating our bodies and minds would want the same rules applied to business and industry. When you really look at it from an outside perspective, the combinations don't make sense. It makes you start to wonder is one side's opinion is only based in opposition to their rivals. Can Democrats have an opinion without knowing what Republicans think? That would be a good sociological experiment.

 

For the record, I'm a registered independent.

An Open Letter to Rihanna

Dear Rihanna,


Let me begin by saying that I'm a big fan and I love your music. You continue to come out with hit singles that fuse R&B rhythms with great dance beats. We Found Love the current hit song from your sixth album Talk the Talk is better then ever. Bravo! At the young age of 23 you've become bona fide superstar.

You are no doubt a busy woman so I'll get to the reason for my correspondence. At one time you were dating Chris Brown until that fateful night when he beat you up. Since then it appeared like you distanced yourself from him and continued on with your career. Any simpathy the public may have had was just washed away when you announced the duet (titled Birthday Cake) with your former abuser. I listened to Birthday Cake and it's a shitty song. Adding in the violent past you shared with Mr. Brown makes the song even more vulgar. Part of me feels bad for you because you're obviously young and lack the self worth to know you deserve better. You probably think he's changed and learned his lesson. That's a load of crap.

Whether you like it or not Rihanna, you're a role model for young women. The choices you make in your personal life have broader consequence. Your actions reinforce the message that a strong and successful woman is pushover for a man. I can hear the Woman's Studies majors churning out their thesis papers as we speak. By supporting you it feels like I'm supporting a PRO-domestic violence charity. Chris Brown has also moved on with his career much to the dismay of the general public. It bordered on offensive when the Grammys had him perform twice. He has every right to live his life but the Grammys didn't need to promote him. What was truly shocking was the wave of tweets and messages that followed the show. Maybe you caught Buzzfeed.com's  25 Extremely Upsetting Reactions to Chris Brown at The Grammys . Many of the posts had a similar tone: "Like I've said multiple times before, Chris Brown can beat me all we wants... I'd do anything to have him oh my." [posted by @kelllllx]

So Rihanna where do you go from here? My (unsolicited) advice is as follows:

1. Do a major TV sit down interview with Oprah. (her network could use the ratings) Distance yourself from Chris and take a public stance against domestic violence
2. Pledge to donate the proceed's from Birthday Cake sales to a women's shelter.
3. Get some much needed therapy.

Sincerely

The Gay Gasp

Elementary Refresher: Congress

The US Federal Government is broken up into three branches: executive, judiciary, and legislative. The executive branch consists of the President and his cabinet while the court systems make up the judiciary branch. This refresher is going to focus mainly on the legislative branch filled with our elected officials.

I started to research the our government because I did know what the difference was between a Congressman and a Senator. Truth be told, I couldn't remember. I'm sure way back at St. Marys, Mrs. Kenny taught us all about it and over the years that brain space has been replaced by Rihanna song lyrics. The legislative branch of our government is broken up into the the House of Representatives (nickname- the House) and the Senate. The term Congress is an umbrella term for them both. Therefore, to answer my original question: a Senator is the same as Congressman but a member of the House of Representatives is also a Congressman. While we're on the subject let's dive in a little deeper. The House of Representatives has 435 member representing each of the 50 states. The number of representatives vary from state to state based on population. As the population grows and redistributes the number can change. For example Connecticut has 5 Representatives down from 6 several years ago. The Senate however consists of 2 Senators from each state regardless of size or population. For a bill to become a law it must be passed by both the Senate and the House of Representatives and then be signed by the President. If you like to go more in depth and learn about the Legislature visit the links below as a start.

To find out who your US Representative is:

http://www.house.gov/representatives/

To find out who your US Senator is:

http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm

Hopefully this helped clear up some confusion and now we'll both be a bit more aware during the next election. In general politics bore me, but it's good to have a basic knowledge about the people who run the country.

Gay Gasp Gossip

This is what's been on my mind this week:

Taking a look back at one of my more memorable posts, I think it's time for a Triad update. You'll remember I mentioned that several of my friends were giving triads (in some form or another) a try. I'm sad to report that three of the relationships are no longer a three some. In most cases the three downsized to a traditional twosome. The good news is that two of teams are still going strong.

Are dildo's TSA approved? Has anyone ever traveled on a plane with sex toys? Do you have any tips? Does and don'ts?


I've started the packing process for vacation. This year I'll be on vacation for 10 days straight! Gasp. First I start out in Naples, Florida with my parents and then off to Dallas for TBRU. Both are warm climates but very different audiences. One if comfortable and polite then next is bearish and sexy. I don't know if my suitcase hold that much... This is going to be a challenge especially because I want to bring more then one pair of shoes. Big shoes take up a lot of valuable packing space.

Dear Kirk Cameron, I honestly didn't know you were still alive? You have every right to voice your opinion and it's cute that you think anyone cares. KTHANXBYE.

TV News: Sharon Needles is my obsession on RuPaul's Drag Race and thank god Jarrell went home on Project Runway. Oh, and Tyra... I'm over ANTM. I fast forwarded through the first episode just to get to judging and then I fast forwarded some more. Plus I've switched from Chelsea Lately to Bravo's Watch What Happens Live. (weeknights at 11:00pm) Also, Sandra Bernhard's Sandrology is shockingly funny. Finally, did anyone watch La Lohan on SNL? I'm happy to say she wasn't bad. #SnookiProblems

I think my next audiobook purchase (for the plane) will be Ali Wentworth's new book Ali in Wonderland.  (she was on In Living Color and now she's married to George Stephanopoulos)

One of my favorite bags is my infamous PanAm bag. However I've had to pack it away because that shit ABC show of the same name is ruining it's vintage charm. I don't want people to think I'm pimpin' Christina Ricci. Gag. Hopefully it'll get cancelled soon so I go back to looking retro cute with my white leather carry on.

My favorite new commercial is White House Black Market's add featuring Coco Rocha. Amalzing.

If we're doing Charlie's Angels, I'm Farrah Fawcett!

Feeling a bit nostalgic I went back and read through my old Livejournal. I kept the online journal from 2006 to 2008 and it made me cringe a bit to read through my old ramblings. It also gave me an important realization that I'm always trying to change myself. I've always tried to look at myself objectively and change the things that aren't working. Whether the goal is to be more outgoing or save more money, I've always got a new mission or resolution. Yet it seems that through the years I've done nothing but stay the same. To quote myself:

'Recently I've been aware of how naive I am. I wonder if people think to themselves, "That poor boy, he's so clueless about life." I realize that I don't and can't know everything, but I thought I was doing pretty well and on a good path to wisdom. Now, I find out I don't know a damn thing. Everything I though I knew about myself is crap! I question every choice or instinct I have. I don't know when to trust myself. I've been spun around so much, I'm lost in the middle of the woods.' [April 2006]

First things first... How mellow dramatic and cliche is that?!? Gag. Yes I know I'm fucked in the head but I'm much better at editing myself now. You don't want to read my online therapy. To avoid that trap I've started to ask myself a simple question: "Is the post meant for the public or is it a passive aggressive way of telling someone something?" My other observation is that I'm meant to be single. [I'm going to try an walk the fine line between observation and online therapy here] I've had mixed feelings about my love life over the years but I've learned an important lesson. If god sent me my perfect man, I would still find a way to fuck it up. Very simply, I don't have enough self esteem to make healthy choices but there's no sense in beating myself up about it.

When I turned 30, one of my goals was to stop over analyzing all my thoughts and feelings and no more trying to change myself. After 30 years this is me like it or not. I've been doing very well so far but old habits die hard. But as the British say 'Keep Calm and Carry On.' I'm going to forge ahead into a great future and even though I may not have a boyfriend, at least I have a full closet.

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