Dear Republicans,
I've had a good night sleep so I'm feeling extra nice. Due to my good mood I thought I would give you some advise after a big lose on Tuesday. You were running against President Obama who did not have strong approval ratings. Now that the election is over I'll even admit Obama was beatable. But you still lost and even though that gives me evil pleasure. I want to help. The Republican Party is like the Oldsmobile auto brand, past it's prime and due to be discontinued. Rather then face extinction, here are some tips to update and revamp your image.
1.FIRE DONALD TRUMP
Donald Trump is a racist buffoon who loves to hear himself
talk. He has questioned the president’s birthplace forcing Obama to
release his birth certificate. Not to be dissuaded he went on to question the
president’s education based on no evidence of dishonesty. It boils down
to pure racism. Deep down I think/hope that the Republican party doesn’t
agree with what Trump says but they play nice because he one of the only
celebrities they have on their side. (Apart from Clint Eastwood and we saw how that worked out) Here’s the thing though, Trump is
incredibly racist and he’s doing much more harm then good. Even the average
citizen who may dabble in racism can tell something’s wrong and he's gone a bit to far. When I say dabbles in racism I simply mean the kind of person who uses the N word followed by the classic phrase “I’m
not racist, I have black friends.” While we’re on the subject of racists,
the Republicans need to de-friend the Tea Partiers. They are also shockingly
racist. The first Tea Party rallies were only a month or two after Obama took
office back in 2009. That means they weren’t angry with Obama as much as they
simply wanted their white guy back. 2. YOU NEED NEW MEMEBERS
Your core support group is shrinking. Actually dying may be
a more appropriate word. Straight angry white guys do not have the same power in numbers as that they used to because they are literally dying. Minority groups
as a whole are growing and republicans have done nothing to reach out to them.
I saw a commentator on CNN speak about Obama’s win of swing state
Nevada. She had this to say, “Many of the Hispanic voters in
Nevada didn’t love
how Obama first term, but they were terrified of
life under Romney.” I think a lot of (minority) voters across the country felt the same way.
They chose Obama because they really didn’t want Romney or the republicans.
Like minorities, young voters see republicans as out of touch. Times have changed and
republicans have not. It reminds me of the church. Religion’s influence
has seriously eroded over the last 25 years and they have done nothing to reach
out to younger parishioners with ever changing needs. Adding insult to injury,
Republicans rely heavily on religious voters. Oops! You're screwed on both ends.
3. LET GO OF THE GAY THING
Shockingly, I’m going to reference an American Guy
episode to help make my point. (I know, I know) In the episode, and anti-gay
republican Stan Smith has the epiphany that (gay) Log Cabin republicans did not
choose to be gay but they did chose to be Republican. Why turn away potential supports
because of one (non-life threatening) issue. When you discriminate against gays
you are also loosing out on their money and voting power. It also sends out a general vibe of anger and hatred that's not attractive to anyone. If the Republicans were a guy on Growlr, he'd have the long profile diatribe listing everything he doesn't like. Don't forget, no fems or fatties. Back to politics, warming up to
gays would send a message to other voters. Whether you call us the Heathers or
the Plastics… lets face it, we’re the cool kids and everyone wants
to be wear we are and do what we do. If you get the gays I promise black, Hispanic, and
other minority voters will slowly follow. I also won’t go into the
long diatribe about how gay marriage literally has no affect on straight
people’s lives what so ever. NONE! Why do you care so much.But that's a subject for another post.
4. CUT OUT THE CRAZIES
Similar to the Donald Trump, the Republican party seems to be overrun with crazies. Michelle Bachman, Rick Santorum, Newt Gingrich, and Sarah Palin amongst others. I can think of 4 high level crazies right off the top of my head and I don't even follow politics that closely. It doesn't stop there, you had not one but two idiot candidates talking about rape. RAPE! I've never taken a public speaking class but I'm sure lesson #1 is don't talk about legitimate rape. It's time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of all the nut jobs giving you bad press. They're making the democrat's job way to easy.
I hope this helps. I'll personally never vote for a republican candidate but it's always nice to have an enemy that puts up a good fight. Obama nailed Romney's ass to the wall on election night. Hey, maybe that's what Todd Akin meant by legitimate rape?
Yours Truly
The Gay Gasp
P.S. Romney lost the state of Wisconsin even though that is the home state of running make Paul Ryan. To make it worse, Romney didn't even win Ryan's home county. You'd think Ryan would have enough family members and friends to have an edge but Obama still won. Yikes.
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