Joe's Spank Me Time

Writer's Block

I don't really have much to post about. I guess I'm feeling a bit uninspired. So with that in mind I'm going to try something new. A stream of conscious post. Basically, once I start typing I won't stop and therefore have to type whatever comes into my head. It will be interesting also because I am not going to spell check it, so everyone can see what a truly horrible speller I really am. Ready...Set...Go!

Do you know that song by the Black Eye'd Peas? The one with Fergie singing the corrus "...every night and day. I'm addicted and I just can't get enough." I have that corus stuck in my head almost everyday without fail. I don't know how the rest of the song goes, just that. It comes from nowhere and boom it's glued to my brain. Getting songs stuck in your head it rough especially when you're not sure of the right words and basically you just have a melody in your brain. I want to buy a flesh light as I posted in an earlier post, but they are expensive and I still haven't heard any personal testimonials about them. Maybe while I'm at Pride (either boston or NY) I'll stop by a porn shop and pick one up. Rather then have to pay shipping and handling which is a killer. Although I'm not sure I want to walk around the whole city of Boston with a Fleshlight in my hand. Maybe it will be a conversation starter? It is an unusual accessorie, at least for me. Speaking of Pride...and summer activities in general. I had an epiphony the other day. (I'm sure that's spelled wrong) I've always placed blame on certain social situation due to the situation or location. Basically I always thought that if I went someplace new, things would be different. If there were new guys guys around my date book would be full! NOT SO! My Ah Ha moment was when I realized that  it was not my enviroment that was the casue, it was my own actions. I need to act differenlty to get different results. Because lets be honest, I could be in San Fransico at the world largest bear bar and if I still act the same way, I'm going to get the same results. My resolve this summer is to be more outgoing and less shy with my thoughts and feelings. Similar to when I drink and my "filter" is gone. Thats going to happen more often. So don't be surprised if I start to confess long held crushes (your name begins with J) and long held annoyances. I'll try to use my new power for good, but with the good comes the bad and I can't help it if some evil slips out.

That's just as it came out of my head. The only editing I did was basic punctuation. Spelling and grammer have gone untouched. :-)

Happy Birthday

My 30th Birthday is turning into an existential crisis.

Normally I don't do anything for my birthday. If I don't expect anything I can't be disappointed. But turning 30 is a big deal to me and I want to make a big deal about it. There in lies the problem. What the hell do I do? The last party I had was a skating party at High Rollers when I was 10. But a party doesn't feel right because I'd be embarrassed to have people over to my shabby apartment and most of my friends will be out of town anyway. So my natural choice is travel. New Orleans is in the running because Southern Decedance is that weekend. Although I'm worried that I won't have fun. The focus of the city seems to be hard core drinking. As much as I've grown in that area, I still get bored with it for a whole weekend. Plus I want the weekend to be about me and I think that will be difficult to maintain in the Big Easy. September 2nd should be a symbol of the next ten years. Good thing I'm not putting to much pressure on it or anything! :-)

As you can tell I over think everything. Maybe I'll wait until the last minute and be totally spontaneous and go somewhere on my own. Maybe get a hotel room in New York for the weekend to walk around and explore. But even New York seems routine. What's the complete opposite of what I'd normally do? No really...I'm asking.

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O is for Over

The Oprah Winfrey Show celebrate it's final episode on Wednesday May 25 2011. I'm not sure what to say other then it's a really good show. She's talked to everyone about almost everything. Don't worry it's not like she's fading into oblivion. The Big O has started her OWN network. The only show I've ever watched on it is Oprah Behind the Scenes. It's a very interesting look behind the scenes of her final season. Otherwise the programing is pretty boring. Who's tuning in to an hour long reality series staring the Judds? Gag me. Just start airing past Oprah espisodes. That's what I want to watch... not Wynonna and her oddly orange hair.

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Off The Grid

Wikipedia defines Six Degrees of separation as:'

'Six degrees of separation (also referred to as the "Human Spider Web") refers to the idea that everyone is on average approximately six steps away from any other person on Earth.'

I suspect the gay universe is 5 degrees of separation, and the bear universe...well that's about 3. What's the point of any of this? I'm single and trying to meet single men is difficult. Trying to meet NEW single men that are not entrenched in my social web is near impossible. I refer to these rare men as 'off the grid.' If you're cute and bearish in the northeast you've dated or fucked someone I know. I once went on a date with a guy who lived an hour away. I thought I had found someone new. Not only did he already have a boyfriend but he spent most of the evening going on and on about my friend whom  he met in Ptown. (A couple of months later he ended up at a party of yet another friend) Is this a regional phenomena or do guys is San Diego have the same problem? This issue is not going away. On the flip side I save time. When I am interested in someone I just ask a friend for the stats and info. Therefore I don't waist my time on a hotty with a boyfriend. Although...my new theory for finding a boyfriend is that I have to steal him away from someone else. All the good men are gay and taken.

P.S. Here's a game- Go on Facebook and search a generic name like Tom, Mike, or Steve. Scroll down the list of people who all have at least 1 Mutual Friend.

P.P.S. I also get very annoyed when I meet someone new and they are not on Facebook. I know, hipocrisy.

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Joe's Spank Me Time

He should be sitting on my face.

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The Gay Pilrimage

A blog about the daily events in your life is boring. 'I went here, with him, and did that' ...it's basically long form facebook. However I had such a good time in New York this past weekend, I couldn't let it pass without a special mention. So indulge me for a moment. So without further adieu...here's a recap of Saturday in the city:

We drove. No traffic and a free parking spot. Score! Thank you Russ for driving.

I went to the city on a gay pilgrimage. The Alexander McQueen exhibit finally opened at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. With the exception of Stan and Joe, most of my friends don’t share my interest for fashion and I was planning on going solo. I was proved wrong when Justin asked to come along. Soon Russ and Josh joined in and we had our 4some.

The exhibit had a line that was an hour long. When we left there was an hour and a half wait. To say there was a lot of people is like saying the north pole is a bit chilly.

One of the life’s best simple pleasures is a big soft pretzel from a street vendor.

Central park is great for people watching. Where else can you see a half naked black man do bare foot yoga complete with two giant rubber balls while a bride takes her wedding photos 10 feet way?

If you have a large group (in numbers or physical size) I recommend Dallas BBQ. It’s shockingly big especially for a NYC restaurant. In addition everything come in standard or Texas size.

Rice to Riches. I HATE rice pudding. Although I have a laundry list of food issues so that should come as a big jaw dropper. But Rice to Riches is endearing and cute. With a modern atmosphere of white and orange, the shop is fun and charming. I dare you to try and not take a cell phone pic of one of the clever saying posted to the wall. (I couldn't resist) If your like me and rice pudding isn’t your groove get a White Chocolate Mocha Latte. Maybe the best coffee I’ve ever had.

New York City men. I’ve never found the men in NY to be all that sexy. They’re not ugly but they’re also not HOT. I wonder if the sexy boys are like a hidden gem. You have to stay a while and do some digging before you can uncover them. “Come out Come out where ever you are!”

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I Need Your Help!

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"Did you hear the joke about the black guy?"

Has racism been making a comeback? Or is it that people are more honest about it? Most of the ignorance I witness is in the from of jokes and there seems to be a growing comfort level with these jokes. You never know the background or history someone else has. Wouldn’t you be afraid of saying the wrong thing to the wrong person? Then again, I’ve seen a person make racist remarks around black/mixed people.

“It’s just a joke, I don’t really mean it.”

Are you kidding me? Would it be worse to keep it a secret? I guess if the tables were turned, I would want it out in the open. In addition I am also at fault for letting the remarks go by without protest. By not saying otherwise I feed the assumption that it’s acceptable. Although I find it especially odd when gay people are racist. The generalizations and ignorance around all minorities have a similar foundation. If it’s different it’s scary, wrong, or bad.

Hopefully next time I will have more answers then questions.

Cute Face vs Big Dick: Round 2

Nothing gets to me like a cute face. Everyone has their own idea of what makes someone cute. Personally, I have a weekness for round faces with facial hair. However a cute face can be ruined by a the bad personality. As I was pulling pictures for this post I found it hard to pull pictures of people I didn't like. That's why I chose to only use picture of people I know and like. All the men pictured have both the looks and the personality to match. You'd be lucky to date any one of them.

P.S. There are two footnotes to this post. One...this post was the rebuttle to Cute Faces vs Big Dicks. However that doesn't mean any of the men pictured are lacking below the belt. Second: I have to give a shout out to one of my good friend Bob Malden. I wanted to have his picture in this post but the space and lay out just wouldn't allow it. Sorry Bob!

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Cute Face vs Big Dick: Round 1

Is there such a thing as a dick that's to big? For example. Mr. OXO on the  right: He's not my usual type, but his thick dick is so mouth wateringly hot that I just can't resist. But his face isn't cute and that's the problem. If I saw him out in public I wouldn't give him a second look, only to miss out on all that ass splitting perfection. Have you ever noticed that the guy with the biggest dick is plain and unassuming from the neck up? I usually will go for a cute face, but maybe I should start to rethink that decision.

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Everyone Should Have a Goal

Fuck Yes! I totally agree...ok except I'd kill to be on the cover of Vogue. But yes to everything else.

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Did Your Stylist Quit?

What happened? Monday night was the Costume Institute's Gala for the Opening of the Alexander McQueen exhibit. Most of the celebs that attended looked ridiculous. It goes to show you that even the fashion set can get it wrong. Really, go to any website and look up pictures from the event. It was one trainwreck after another. Rumors were that Beyonce was actually BOO'd by the paparazzi! The two biggest offenders: Carolyn Murphy (left with Tom Ford) and Naomi Campbell (right). Both are two of the world's most beautiful women and yet they both look HORRIBLE! I'll begin with Naomi. Here is a valuable lesson. Don't compete with your own look. If you wear an intricate dress always pair it with simple hair. Also, what's wrong with your face? You don't even look like yourself. Now to Carolyn Murphy, what exactly are you wearing? It looks like a used purple dish towel covered in black mesh lace. I'm horrified to learn that it's a Tom Ford design. Two of the bright spots were Madonna who kept it clean and simple is a blue 40's inspired dress and Jennifer Lopez in 70's inspired Gucci. (Click on any of the pics to view the larger image)

If you get a chance to check out the other photos, be sure to look out for the other messes like Christina Ricci, Rihanna, Fergie,Serena Williams, and Kristen Stewart. Fergie could have been saved if she took off that stupid beaded head band. 

http://omg.yahoo.com/photos/the-2011-met-gala/4801#OmgPhoid=1 

As a side note: if you're looking at the pictures on Yahoo, the captions don't match the picture starting around picture

God Save McQueen

One of the things on my bucket list is Alexander McQueen's Oyster dress. The inspiration was a women who drowned in a gorgeous gown. The top half was designed to look like it had been torn and ravaged by the sea. The bottom half is made up of thousands of layers of silk organza. It was love at first site and I have wanted to see it in person since 2003 when it first appeared. Now it's finally going to happen. Starting May 4th the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York City is having a special exhibition called Savage Beauty in celebration of his career. The exhibition is in collaboration with the Costume Institute. The best press for the event was Kate Middleton walking down the isle in a gown by Sarah Burton. Sarah Burton was McQueen's right hand women and predecessor to his fashion thrown. On May 14th I'll be heading down to NYC to finally cross this off my list. I am so excited!!

Visit:  http://blog.metmuseum.org/alexandermcqueen/ to find out more information about the exhibit which runs until July 31st.

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