Joe's Spank Me Time

Is This Normal?

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines 'Normal' as:

a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle

b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern

 

 

 

I was on Oprah.com looking for something else when I stumbled upon the quiz "Are You Normal?" The quiz was strange but it does raise a good question. What is normal? and is normal something you wish to achieve? I don't know what the experts say, but this is what MY NORMAL is:

 

I am dyslexic

I have two webbed toes

I wish I was a motivated person

I love cookies

I hate nuts in brownies

I like men with meat on their bones

I love Vogue magazines

I sleep naked

I shave in the shower

I love to dance

I love my body

I dislike my personality

I don't like clothing with company logos

I always set my alarm, although I never need it

I don't have a favorite desert

I don't have a favorite dessert

I am a horrible speller

I want to see a major label fashion show

I hate wearing a shirt and tie

I value creativity

I usually go to sleep at 11:30pm

I am most confident in my sense of style

I still like animated movies

I am completely comfortable in my sexuality

I want to work in fashion

I don't want to live in New York

I don't have a favorite movie

I want to travel more to new places

 

 

Favorite IPhone Apps

 

There are millions of IPhone apps out there and I don't have that many dowloaded when compared to most people.  I will only download an app if it's free and I know I will  use it. Here are my top favorite apps of all time. Facebook goes without saying because it is easily the app I use the most. The other four might not be as obvious. One of the first apps I ever downloaded was Style.com. There are many features to this app and I never use most of them. The one and only feature I use is "Look of the Day." It features 5 pictures and you have to choose which outfit you like the best. I LOVE it. Tumblr is an app that one of my great friends turned me on to. Although I prefer to use the real web version, it's still the best way to kill time looking a naked pics of hot guys. Flixster's app has become a necessity. Looking up movie times online is the biggest pain in the ass because all the movie sites are so loaded down with adds. Flixter is simple and easy to use. Last, but certainly not least is the Yellow Pages app. I have a love hate relationship with the YP. The app is a bit slow and clunky, however is the most useful app I have ever used. Not only can you find the name phone number for businesses, it also links you to directions. I have used it more times then I can count!

I Give Thanks I'm Not At The Mall

Today is Black Friday, historically one of the busiest shopping days of the year. However the last Saturday before Christmas usually beats it out it total sales. Having worked at the mall for many years, I want nothing to do with shopping in stores today. Today is a much better day to shop online. For the most part the stores have the same promo's online that they do instore. I saw this sweater from Old Navy in the store a few weeks ago and thought it was cute. But I refused to pay $50 at Old Navy. When did ON become expesive? Today it was on sale for $15. Score! Click and Ship. So I've done my part for the economy. Has anyone else found great deals this weekend?

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and I am totally stealing this quote from someone on facebook, "On this day we should all reflect on the 4 Great 'F's' in life; Family, Friends, Food, and Fucking!"

I think that just about sums it all up.

If you happen to be alone, today is the perfect day to snuggle up on the couch and watch old 30 Rock episodes on Netflix while eating a pre-made Mrs. Smith Apple pie. Let Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin be your family today.

Would You Bareback the Devil?

The Vatican came out with a landmark decision today. Condom use is the 'lesser of two evils' when they are used to prevent AIDS. Still evil, but not as bad as a deadly disease. What's sad is that this is truly a landmark decision. Up until now all forms of pregnancy prevention where deemed a sin. However now Pope Benedict XVI has slightly changed his tune. This quote from Yahoo News puts it best:

"This is admittedly a difficult distinction to grasp," he told The Associated Press in an e-mail. What the pontiff is saying is "that someone determined to do something wrong may be showing a glimmer of moral common sense by not doing that wrong thing in the worst possible way — which is not an endorsement of anything."

So if you're are going to be an evil sinner, be a moral evil sinner.

Never call your parents late at night.

My sister called my mother tonight at 10:05 pm. My mother was in bed, so my dad answered the phone. As my father walked up the stairs to bring her the phone, she was convinced the late night phone call was because I had just had a heart attack. Her words to my sister "This is to late to call. I thought that this was finally the phone call that Joey had had a heart attack."


Sigh......
That's all.

Hammacher Schlemmer for the Holidays

As you start your Holiday shopping this season, don't forget about the always exciting and always impractical Hammacher
Schlemmer. (http://www.hammacher.com/) If you've got money to burn on the person who has everything, they are the perfect shopping destination. Featured items include a Flying Car and a Personal Submarine. My favorite is the Authentic Boardwalk Photo Booth. I'd love to have this in my home so guest at parties could snap pictures of themselves. With a retail price of only $11,000... it's a steal! Get them before they sell out. Hammacher Schlemmer will even ship it to you for $1,5000.

*Gift Wrap Not Available.

Mega Dirty Mind

I treated myself to a movie this afternoon and went to see MegaMind. Am I the only one who found the scruffy MetroMan totally hot?!?

Which brings up the question, which cartoon characters would you have sex with?

My other two favorites are Chris Griffin from Family Guy and Stan Smith from American Dad.

Joe's Spank Me Time

Wow.
I want to go to there.

Epic Fail

I've had a bad week. Ok, lets be honest...it's been more then a week. I've been unsure how to address everything is one post. However. after tonight I knew I needed to post something.

People still surprise me. Last week I started chatting with a guy who said he was new in town and wanted to meet me for dinner. Naturally, I assumed this was a date. I was wrong. Lesson #1, unless he specifically uses the word 'Date,' never assume. It turns out he has a partner in Stamford, CT. He also hoped I'd be a stoner. Or as he put it "You're not what I expected. I thought you were going to be a cute chubby stoner. But your into material things, look at your fancy sweater."

Is this for real? Am I in the Twilight Zone? Talk about being kicked when you're down. I was hoping this date could lead to something more, or at least give my self esteem a boost. That was an epic fail. As a result, I'm thinking about going into hibernation. How wonderful would it be if I could just curl up in my big empty bed and spend the next 3 month fast alseep.

Happy Holidays

'I Love You Phillip Morris' Trailer HD

I'm not easily offended, but Jim Carrey's new movie makes me raise an eyebrow. I often ask myself, are they laughing at us or with us? The new movie 'I Love You Phillip Morris' walks that fine line. Let me be the first to say, I have not seen the movie, so this is all speculation. Hopefully it will be funny, light hearted and nothing more. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going to boarder on bad gay puns and stereotypes. Check it out for yourself and decide.

http://www.phillipmorrismovie.com/

Costello and Tagliapietra

I wanted to give a shout out to two of my favorite ready to wear designers Costello and Tagliapietra. Apart from their great designs, I also love their personal look! Let's be honest, most fashion designers look like a train wreck. For example, I adore John Galliano but he looks like a gay pirate. But these husky hotties are right up my alley. Check out style.com for a more photos and info. The pictures below are two of my favorites from their Spring 2011 show which premiered in New York this past September.

1 Girl 5 Gays

Logo has just started running a new show "One Girl Five Gays." It's from Mtv Canada. I think it's worth watching, although I still haven't decided what I think about it yet. The premise is that it's a round table discussion with, as the title says, 1 girl and 5 gay men. Topics include 20 questions about love and sex. A revolving group of 'regulars' are featured with the female host Aliya Jasmine. AJ is the most likable character. However, the problem is that the men chosen tend to be a little self righteous and even a little prudish. Check it out weeknight at midnight on Logo or Logotv.com to watch full espisodes.

The Reform Party vs. The Tea Party

 

They say history repeats itself....

and they were right.

It's non of your business

With Facebook becoming more invasive of our lives, privacy can go out the window. I thought I'd remind everyone of some tips I've picked up to help maintain some your boundaries. The first and easiest tip: It's a bad idea to list your employer in your profile. I picked this tip up several years ago at a legal seminar at work. The theory being if you list your employer, all the content of your page can then reflect on the company. For example, let's say you work for a Enron and have risqué pictures on Facebook. Enron could turn around and fire you because you are representing them in a negative light. That being said, you are not home free just because your employer is unlisted but it helps.

Second, get to know the Facebook security settings. Facebook has implemented some new security features but you have to go and find them because most are not the default. One way to help make your life easier is to associate every friend with a specific ‘Friends List.’ Family may go onto one list, while work colleagues could populate a second. You can then go ahead and assign each list specific security settings. An offshoot of this setting is one most people are unaware of. The next you are updating your status notice in the bottom right corner the small symbol that looks like a padlock. When you click the lock and choose Customize>Edit, you can specifically choose who will be able to view this post. So the next time you are drunk and posting how horny you are, do your 12 year old niece a favor and exclude her. (or include only her if that’s what you’re into) If you're skeptical like I was, I tried it out and it worked. I posted something and hid it from my sister. Then I went on using her account and it was successfully hidden.

Joe's Spank Me Time Vol 3

Keeping Warm

 To update your look this winter get these two key pieces. First a pair of cut off gloves. Channel your inner Madonna with this pair from the Gap for $14. Next is a knit hat with a brim. The built in brim is key to turn the otherwise boring skull cap into a trendy option. I love the snow flake pattern on this hat from American Eagle for $20.



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Picking Favorites

I like lists. They usually take shape in the form of my Top 5 Favortie _________ .

This week's list is My Top 5 Favorite Vacations. It was very easy to choose which vacations stand out as the top five. In no particular order: Nice, France; St. Maarten; TBRU in Dallas, TX;  Paris, France; and Walt Disney World Orlando. Special mention goes to Las Vegas which almost beat out Disney for the last spot.

The Secret Boyfriend

Boy meets boy. Boy likes boy. Friend tells boy about boy's boyfriend at home.

I'm learning! This weekend I thought ahead and asked Bob the simple question "Wait, does he have a secret boyfriend I should know about?" That's called progress. On a related note, the man who began the Secret Boyfriend phenomena came to Albany with said boyfriend. It's always fascinated me who people pair up with. As a casual observer, some partnerships make sense while others leave you wondering...WTF?

Otherwise, it was a great weekend in NY as always.  

Dear Santa, What I want for Christmas...

 

ICK ICK ICK

Am I the only person who doesn't like this muscle? I hate it and find it creepy!!! Granted, I'm the wrong person to ask because I'm also not a fan of washboard abs either. But really, It's creepy.

It's Shopping Season

I love to go shopping. So I thought as Christmas Season nears, I would feature stores that had cute gift items. The first one I found is Uncommon Goods. http://www.uncommongoods.com/ They have a lot a cute items for every price range and most are made from recycled materials. (FYI the recycled materials are used in a fun way, not an earthy crunchy way) Check it out. They sell everything from dishes and bar wear to belts made of VW seat belts. One of my favorite items was the Men's Wallet made from recycled newspapers.

Best Costume Winners!

I had a quiet weekend and therefore didn't dress up for Halloween. However I wanted to give props to those who did. As they said on the show Parks and Recreation, "There's no better party then a gay Halloween!" Hands down my favorite costume is Mike and his Care Bears. I'm also so jealous I didn't think of this idea first! You guys look great.

CareBears + Pink Harness = Fucking Fantastic