The 5 Stages of the Secret App Told by Leslie Knope

 

Secret is a new app where you share secrets completely anonymously. 

Curiosity: 
You keep hearing about this app Secret and decide to check out what all the ruckus is about.

Obsession:
You read as many secrets as you can. There is never enough!









Investigation:
When a shocking secret is labeled as 'friends' you spend the afternoon trying to figure out who it is.












Annoyance:
Total anonymity isn't conducive to positive and supportive comments.









Closure:
After reading 50 secrets that all say something about wanting to quite work and run away, you realize the novelty has worn off. It's just the same old shit on the internet packaged in a different way. 

#MapGeek

Most Selective Colleges by state

Top 10 Most Selective States
∙ Pennsylvania – Curtis Institute of Music – 5%
∙ Massachusetts – Harvard University – 6%
∙ California – Stanford University – 6%
∙ Connecticut – Yale University – 7%
∙ Maryland – United States Naval Academy – 7%
∙ New Jersey – Princeton University – 7%
∙ New York – The Juilliard School – 7%
∙ Illinois – University of Chicago – 9%
∙ Rhode Island – Brown University – 9%
∙ New Hampshire – Dartmouth University – 10%

 US Map by region

 How many Rhode Islands fit in each state

There is more money inside the green circle then outside of it.

How Much People Want to Leave Their Home State

visit http://auntannsglobe.tumblr.com/ and http://twistedsifter.com/ for more fun maps

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

I've started watched John Oliver's new HBO show Last Week Tonight and I give it two thumbs enthusiastically up. It feels like a fresher version of the Daily Show. This story about GM is a perfect example. Informative and funny.

Last Week Tonight airs on HBO on Sunday nights. (Find a friend with an HBO GO account)

Joe's Spank Me Time

An Open Letter To Myself In 10 Years

Good Afternoon,

Hello future me. Hopefully you’re reading this from the home you purchased in the Dallas suburbs. I’m picturing a lounge chair on a covered porch or back patio. It's 2024 and I'm sure Jay Z and Beyonce have been divorced for several years and the Real Housewives' movie probably won the Oscar for Best Reality film at last years ceremony. I am curious though, did they ever find a suitable vehicle for Ellen Cleghorne?

The point of this letter is to help guide you as you grow older and to make sure you avoid the common pitfalls of old age. Don’t get caught in common trapping of old age where you dismiss new ideas and innovations. No the music of your generation wasn't any better then the new music. It may feel like a burden to get used to a new phone, tablet or computer operating system but in the long run resisting new technology only harms yourself. You don't get extra point for still using an iPhone 7. Societies never de-industrializes and therefore technology will always continue to evolve. Embrace it. Change is what makes life possible.

By now you are entering your daddy phase of adulthood. This is what you've been waiting for. Finally you are growing into your looks. There are no doubt a whole crop of young cubs eager to get a piece of your salt and pepper goodness. Don’t be too hard on the young cubs and show them some love. They are navigating their way through life and maturity just like you did once. Keep in mind you were just as naive and raw at that age. Also consider that you probably think you’ve learned all of life’s lessons by now but if fact there is still a mountain of wisdom you have yet to acquire. I bet by age 60, you’ll look back at your 40’s and think how young and clueless you were.

At this point you've been with Russ for close to 12 years. He’s probably napping in the other room right now as you ready this. As a 32 year old in the past, I don't know what a 12 year relationship looks or feels like but I bet that any relationship takes constant effort. Avoid taking him for granted like so many other couples you see around you. Remember why you first fell in love with him in the first place. Although no one is perfect, he’s the best man you ever met and more importantly he’s the best man for you. Maybe go out and surprise him by getting some Lindt peanut butter truffles. 

Other general pieces of timeless advice:

-Hot and Crazy are better friends than Oprah and Gale.

-Anyone who uses "everything comes back in fashion again" is just making an excuse for being cheap.

-Overcast sun provides great lighting for selfies. Brightness without the glare.

-Eat more vegetables

-Get in the habit of flossing

-You should really start to work out. You're too young for saggy old man ass but it's not far away. Tone  your glutes. Trust me, you'll thank me later.


.

In case you missed it...

Pure Awesomeness!

The Met Gala 2014

The MET Gala was Monday night and as usual it brought out the fashion A-list. Here are the best and the worst.




BEST DRESSED:

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen.

Bow to the Queens. MKO is in vintage (stripped) Chanel and AO is in vintage Gianfranco Ferre'. I'm obsessed with Mary Kate's navy stripped stunner. OBSESSED! This is the best they have ever looked.

The Best

Best Ball Gown:

Style was on the side of the Sarahs. I was stunned to see Ms. Silverman looking so polished and elegant in Zac Posen. SJP killed it as expected in a gorgeous black and white ODLR. Ball gowns generally aren't my favorite but if you're going to the fanciest of all fancy balls take a cue from these ladies. Both had killer hair too.

Stylish Songstresses:

Florence Welch in Valentino was a close second for best of the night. I love everything about her look. In fact, I may use her color scheme the next time I redecorate. Lily Allen nailed it as well in a Chanel column dress. Allen's classic and sophisticated dress paired with a voluminous up-do makes for a great overall look.

Best Risk Takers:

I think this is the best Lena has ever looked. (in Giambattista Valli) She looks genuinely happy and the shorter length is more playful for a causal girl. Now if we could just get her to take her damn arms off her hips! Kirsten Dunst made a bold choice when she stepped out in Rodarte's Star Wars' Death Star print gown. Love it or hate it, I'm glad these ladies took a risk.

Honorable Mention:

Karolina Kurkova and Emmy Rossum both looked great. I like that they both wore gowns with a print. Neither is a show stopper but a solid A none the less. 

The Worst

Ugly dress + messy hair = Fashion FAIL

Kate Upton proves that just because you're a model doesn't mean you can wear anything. Dolce & Gabanna didn't do her any favors in this black ruffle nightmare. Messy hair and a god awful head piece only make it worse. The we have Katie Holmes in mustard Marchesa. Ugh... she looks like she's been sleeping in that gown for a week. She also wins the awards for the worst hair of the night.

What The Fuck?!

Sandra Lee looks like an escaped mental patient who has delusions of being Cinderella. When she escaped she must have brought Neil Patrick Harris and partner David Burtka along for the ride. NPH looks like a Broadway usher who's tux doesn't fit. David Burtka obviously moonlights as a guard for the Queen of Hearts. Both men are wearing shoes uglier than I ever thought possible on a man.

Sad Satin aka 'Bridesmaid Revisited'

The best word I can used to describe Zoe (in Tommy Hilfiger) is utterly boring. A more accurate description is wrinkled dress you bought at the  Macy's one day sale. Rashida Jones on the other hand can't hide her embarrassment behind her fake smile. She's standing next to the designer of her gown Tory Burch and knows they look like models in a David's Bridal discount fashion show.

WORST DRESSED:

Elizabeth Olsen in Mui Mui.

Interestingly enough the best and worst dressed all stay in the Olsen family. Elizabeth obviously got all the boobs in the family and none of the good taste. She might as well be carrying a sign that says "look at my tits." Otherwise she looks like a tragic ice skating reject with grade school hair and awful shoes. Nothing about this look is good. NOTHING.

BTW:

Bradley Cooper put on 40lbs and grew a beard. Enjoy it while it lasts. 

24 Thoughts Everyone Has While at the Mall

1. Finally the Apple Store moved to a bigger spot. Oh look... it's still too crowded and there still aren't enough employees.  

2. J Crew is too expensive. I'll just go buy it at the outlet. 

3. How the hell does Brookstone stay in business?

4.Damn. I forgot that Old Navy is across the street.








5. I might be gay, but still I'm not stepping foot inside Victoria's Secret.








6. I need some Sbarro pizza.

7. Is Cache a story for expensive hookers?







8. Does H&M recruit their staff at drag bars?

9. I wonder what the employee discount is at Godiva?

10. Remember when the Gap was cool?

11. Do Ruby Tuesday restaurants exist outside of the mall?

12. Where are the bathrooms?

13. Is my coupon for Bath and Body Works or Bed Bath and Beyond?

14. I can't decide if Urban Outfitters looks super trendy or super homeless. 

15. I hope that mall cop wipes out on his segway.

16. Someday I want to meet the person who says "Yes I furnished my entire home at the generic oriental store at the mall."

17. Do I smell Auntie Anne's pretzels?

18. Every kiss begins with Kay...








19. I liked Express Men better when it was still Structure.

20. I need to put a Craigslist 'Missed Connection' add for that sexy daddy bear cooking at Williams Sonoma.

21. I'd kill myself if I had to work at Build A Bear. 

22. Oakley sells clothes!?

23. Sears is the retail version of your elderly great grandfather. They consider it a successful day as long as they stay alive.

24. The only thing standing between me and the freedom of the outside world is the long walk through the fragrance counters at Macy's... *The music from Mortal Combat starts to play in your mind*

Azalea or Azealea?

A while back I wrote an article about how female artist are often pitted against each other. Usually the comparison is shallow and chauvinistic. However this is a case where even I can't help but pair them up. They even have specifically similar names?! 

Azealea Banks came onto the music scene in late 2011 with her hit single 212. There was early buzz that she could be the next Little Kim. Oddly her growing popularity and push from 212 was never capitalized on. You and I may not be music producers but even we know that if a single is taking off there should be a full album shortly coming on its heals. That's a no brainer. Unfortunately she was so hipster and indy that the song only had a small EP that came out a year later. I can't tell if it was mismanagement by the record company or just artistic laziness on her part. Either way fans waited for a full album that never came. Supposedly her debut album is set to be released this summer.  

Iggy Azalea is an Australian up and coming rapper who's sound is very similar to Azeala Banks. Iggy is starting to get the same kind of buzz that Banks got a year or two ago with her hit single Fancy. While both girls are young and new to the music industry, it seems Iggy is much more prepared for her climb to success. Her debut album, The New Classics, was released last week. 

While Azealea Banks has been wasting time doing god knows what, an Ausie has come along and taken her place. Back in 2011-2012 there wasn't much competition in the female rap world. Nicki Minaj was the only one in the game and the public was already starting to get sick of her. It felt like Banks had an open path to success. Now with Iggy on the scene the rap race just got a little more crowded. While the race isn't over yet it's looking harder and harder for Banks to compete.  

It's tough enough to make an impression based on musical talent. But as we all know success is never based on talent alone. In fact one rarely has any impact on the other. We live in a world where image plays a major a role. Advertisers and image makers have a narrow cookie cutter image map from which they work. When you start to compare Iggy and Banks from a marketing stand point things only get worse for Banks. Azealea Banks is a pretty black girl with a big smile. She gives off the party girl next door vibe. There is nothing wrong or flawed in her presentation. Unfortunately Banks is still at a disadvantage. It's not that she is doing something wrong it's that Iggy has won the social lottery. This is where I should probably mention that Iggy Azalea is also a model. Seriously. She was signed to Wilhelmina Models in 2012. Whomever you are and whatever your career is, you never want to go up against someone with equal talent who also happens to be a model. We live in a culture where a pretty blond girl is immediately appealing. I guess harsh sexual lyrics are easier to digest if paired with a socially safe image. 

There has always been criticism in the music industry that white people become much more famous and successful for doing what black musicians have already done. Rock and Roll originated in black culture despite Elvis Presley getting most of the fame and credit. Blond boy Eminem shot to national stardom and outsold all of his black contemporaries in the early 2000s. Most recently Miley Cyrus caused a stir because she was twerking on stage despite the practice existing for many many years before she and Robin Thicke came along. General society still tends to ignore black culture until a white person does it. It's as if society needs a white person to give a condescending stamp of approval. Sadly I think Iggy Azalea will be another in the long line of many who will out pace her fellow musicians just because someone thinks she looks good on the cover of a magazine.