Dear Russia,
The Library is open!
You
recently passed a set of laws that basically make it illegal to be gay.
Even showing public support for the gay community is crime punishable by prison
time. Seriously? Where do I even begin?! Before I’m about to read
someone, I try to give them
at least one compliment. It softens the blow. However in your case I
couldn’t think of a single nice thing to say. Tolstoy’s classic Anna
Karenina came to mind but then I remembered the most recent film version
was so completely British that they didn’t even
try and hide their accents. Is your country so bad that actors don’t
even want to pretend to be Russian? No really, what do you have going
for you? Yes you’re an enormous land mass but let’s be honest… most of
your square footage is frozen wasteland. I doubt
there was a long line of empires ready to fight for that. Its like
getting 10 free acres of land in North Dakota. There’s a reason its
free. What else… ? Oh yeah you’re really cold and really poor. I mean
that whole communism thing worked out great for you. Let’s
recap: Freezing weather and widespread poverty paired with legal
discrimination and hate! I’d have more fun searching for mosques in
Alabama.
Why
are you so against gay people? Are you worried their happiness is going
to bring down your ‘great’ nation? (There’s heavy air quotes and side
eye around the word great) Are you just trying to grab headlines? You
haven’t been relevant
since the cold war and this stinks of a cry for attention. You’re like a
once popular actress who’s now reduced to film school art projects.
You’re the Sean Young of countries. For the last couple decades you’ve
been quiet. Honestly I just assumed you drank
too much vodka and passed out in the snow. (I assume the same thing
about Sean Young) Little did I know you were locked away planning to
unleash hate and discrimination on your citizens.
So you’ve decided to
play the crazy hate card. You’ve been out of the
game for a long time and the world is a much different place now. We’ve
got the middle east and North Korea who have taken crazy to a new
level. They love hatred and tyranny and even they’re laughing at your
pathetic attempt at evil. Many Americans are calling for a boycott of the Olympic Games set to take place there in 2014. I don't know if we should go as far as boycotting, but I would love it if the cast of RuPaul's Drag Race led the athletes as they walked into the stadium at the opening ceremonies. Don't fuck it up!
Sincerely,
The Gay Gasp
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