My New Years Resolutions

 

Every year I make New Years Resolutions that I take seriously.

For 2011 I resolve to:

Be optimistic. Optimism is the theme of 2011. I've been through a ton of shit and life can only get better. This year will be bigger and brighter. The year of the come back!

Be more responsible with my health. I usually only go to the doctors when something is wrong, and even then I only go to a local walk-in clinic. I haven't had a primary care doctor in a decade. In 2011 I will try and be more responsible and make routine appointments to maintain health and wellness. 

Pay off Debt. I did it once, I can do it again. When 2012 comes, I vow to be totally debt free. With my car paid for I can use those monthly payements toward my Visa bill.  

Let go. Oddly this resolution was inspired by the movie Black Swan. Natalie Portman was told to relax and loose control in order to be the best Swan Princess. In her case, she lost control and tried to kill herself, but I think the general sentiment still holds. I tend to get caught up in my head and over think everything. So this coming year I will actively work toward letting go, thinking less, and doing more. I've learned that I have to keep putting myself out there even if I keep getting hurt.

 

Are Blondes Forgettable?

 

Are blonde actresses forgettable? I was pulling up pictures for a "Whatever happened to..." post about celebrities. As I thought of actresses that have faded away, a noticeable trend emerged. Most of them were blondes. Consider the cases of the women to the right. Among them were varying levels of career and talent. Helen Hunt and Mira Sorvino, even won an Oscar for their work. Even with awards, none of these women were able to keep their career going. These stars of the past are the reality show stars of the furture.



-First is Helen Hunt. She was an Oscar for Best Actress in As Good As It Gets while staring in the hit sitcom Mad About You. However after her Oscar win she wasn't able to maintain steady work.  

    




Mira Sorvino

-Second is Mira Sorvino. Her career hightlights include a Best Supposting Actress Oscar for Mighty Aphrodite in 1995, and a starring role in the cult classic Romy and Michele's Highschool Reunion.





Alicia Silverstone

-In 1995 Alicia Silverstone was on top of the world after staring in Clueless. Fun Fact: Clueless is a remake of the Jane Austin novel Emma. After that, her career quickly went downhill. Now she's writing lifestyle and health books.

Mena Suvari

-Mena Suvari is probably the least successful of anyone on the list. Her star making role was in American Beauty. She never really had another role that lived up to all the hype. Her career was over before it started.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

-Sarah Michelle Gellar. She started the vampire trend back in 1997 with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her film career included Cruel Intentions and I Know What You Did Last Summer. She is also married to fellow has been Freddy Prinze Jr. I can just imagine her on Dancing with the Stars.

Eastern Europes Newest Export

Take a good long look at the model of the right. At first glance, would you say man or woman? The model is in fact a young man by the name of Andrej Pejic. Pejic (19) is the new hot commodity in the fashion world. Strong and butch is out and androgyny is back in a big way. Shown here with Karolina Kurkova while shooting a new add campaign for Jean Paul Gaultier, they look as if they could be sisters. He has also been chosen by Marc Jacobs to head the spring campaign for the Marc by Marc Jacobs label. While it's not my taste, if you're looking for a "maybe it's a girl or maybe it's a guy" look, he is defiantly the king. Do a Google image search for Andrej Pejic and check out his photos. He REALLY looks like a woman. I can only imagine his potential if Rupaul could get a grip on him.

Black Swan vs. The Social Network

 

I thought I'd give a general wrap up of 2010 Movies. Easily the two best movies of the year are The Social Network and Black Swan. However if I were an academy voter, I don't know which one I would choose as the best film of the year. It's a very tough call because the two movie are so completely different. Black Swan is a gritty psychological thriller where as TSN is based on a true story. Before I saw Black Swan yesterday, I had the Social Network locked as the best movie of the year. But Natalie Portman changed that. Now I am very torn. I'll be tuning in come Oscar time to see what Hollywood decided.

Kinight and Day also deserves and honorable mention as a guilty pleasure favoite. The Tom Cruise and Cammy Diaz flick is by no means an Oscar contender, but it's just a fun movie. Cruise is cast perfectly as a crazy ex-CIA agent. Not surprisingly...he plays crazy very well.

In The Navy

There have been a lot of political goings on recently. To begin with, the military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell program was repealed Wednesday. Basic Civil Right issues like this always make me laugh a little. I just picture our children being shocked that gay people were not able to serve openly in the military. Just like we look back at Rosa Parks and are astonished that she was not able to sit in the front of the bus. It's seems so simple and such a basic right, how can the government be so behind the times? The analogy could be made 100 different ways. Women's right to vote, interracial marriage, etc...all of these fights are laughably out of date. Oh, and remember when Shannon Faulkner dared to enroll at the Citadel? That too was going to ‘bring down’ the military. Now gays in the military will go the way of all the others and become everyday and common place. The way it always should have been. When we are finally awarded the same rights as everyone else (gay marriage), I imagine the general consensus will be "Well Duh, it's about time." So with that I applaud President Obama for bringing the military into the 1980’s.

Joe's Spank Me Time

This guy is HOT and I'd love to suck on his nipples and cock, however he would triple in hotness if he would just exhale and let his belly out. You're not fooling anyone Mr. Bear.

Not Even the Devil Would Wear this Prada

Fashion takes many forms. A lot of people don't understand high fashion because most of it blurs the line between artistic and wearable. However, with all that being said...some of it is still ass ugly. Take this pair of women's shoes prominently featured in the Spring/Summer 2011 Ready to Wear show by Prada. Vogue Magazine has also featured the footwear in their recent issue. They look like corrective shoes from a 1950's metal hospital. You be the judge. Must have or Must ignore?

A Look Back at 2010

I feel like I've lived through a war these past two years. and there have been a lot of lessons learned during all of the battles of 2010. I hope the war is over and life will go on much more smoothly in 2011. Which has also inspired me to add a New Year's resolution involving optimism. This past year marked the end of my retail career which had lasted for a total of 8 years. I loved working at the mall for many of those years, however I should have left earlier then I did. When your instincts tell you to move on...LISTEN! But what's done is done. I got out and that's all that matters. The other major change this year was my move to West Hartford. Again, this was a wish I had had for many years but I lacked the budget and roommate to fulfill it. Now I'm in the insurance business and living in an apartment with my sister. A far cry from this time last year. 2010 Has also brought many new adventures in my personal life. Granted, many of the adventures I would have paid good money to avoid. But as the saying goes: "That which does not kill us, can only make us stronger." I won't bore you with all the details because I made a promise to myself not to use this blog as my personal therapy session. What I will say is, much of what happened this past year was about growing up and getting a clear picture of who I am and what people think of me. The good news is I'm able to laugh off some of it already, and hopefully as time passes the laughing will continue. No one knows what 2011 will bring, but I hope that it brings new friends, new experiences, and new beginnings.

Also, keep an eye out for my official list of 2011 resolutions coming soon!

The Golden Globes

The Hollywood Foreign Press announced their 2011 nominations. The Golden Globes signal the beginning of awards season. (I was going to try and make a sports analogy using 'first round drafts' and 'cuts,' but I don't know enough about sports to make sense of it) I won't bore you with every category and nominee, but here are some of the highlights. One thing to remember is that the Globe's have separate categories for Comedy and Drama. I'll start with Drama...Best Picture is a close race between Black Swan and The Social Network. Personally my vote goes to the Social Network. Best Actress will go to Natalie Portman for the Black Swan, the rest of her group is a bore other then Halle Berry. But Halle already has a globe, so give it to Portman. I'd like Jesse Eisenberg to win for Best Actor for his turn as the founder of Facebook. As for Best Supporting Actress, I'd love it if Mila Kunis won (Black Swan)...if only to think that Meg Griffin would be an award winning actress.

The comedy categories get a bit more bizarre. Apparently The Tourist is a comedy. Who knew? It got nominated for Best Picture, Best Actress and Best Actor. This is laughable. The Hollywood Foreign Press knows they need big stars to get big ratings. If they nominate Angelina and Johnny Depp, then the two stars will be much more likely to attend the show. That's a cheap ploy and it's probably going to work. Oh, and did I mention Burlesque is nominated for Best Picture. Way to set the bar high Golden Globes. There was one saving grace, Emma Stone was got a nom for her performance in Easy A. (Easy A was one of my favorite movies of the year) The Golden Globes also has nominations for television, but those went as expected. Glee, Mad Men and Modern Family all got their share of bids.

Laya One On Me

Last night I caught Carrie Fisher's one woman show "Wishful Drinking." To be honest, I could take or leave Carrie Fisher. Having never been a huge Star Wars fan, I don't have the emotion connection with her that others do. Still, when I saw it playing on HBO it peaked my interest. It was great. I was glued to the TV for the entire show. Before this, my basic knowledge of Fisher consisted on knowing her parents, her turn as Princess Laya, and Postcards From the Edge. Oh and the fact that she's bat shit crazy. The politically correct term is Bipolar with a dose of Electro Shock treatments thrown in for fun. Either way, she's a funny performer who's had a long and very interesting life in Hollywood. One of my favorite parts of the show was the visual diagram of her fucked up family tree. Her parents were the older generation's Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt. However in their case the temptress brunette was Liz Taylor instead of Angelina Jolie. If you get the chance to see it on TV, I highly recommended it. The best word I can use to describe it is Captivating.

Did Someone Say Sale?

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An Apple A Day...

I hate going to the doctor. Several years ago I went to the doctor for my regular STD test and was ready for the "safe sex" talk that accompanies it. The lecture is understandable and doctor's should inform their patients as much as possible. However on this occasion, the doctor felt the need to lecture me on my salt intake. Never a word was spoken about condoms or risk factors, just questions about sodium. This is a good representation about how I think about doctors. No matter what the problem is, it always comes back to poor diet and lack of exercise. So with that in mind, I don't go. Why waste the $20 co pay when I already know the answer to my question. Normally, I could go to my mother who has been a nurse her whole life for medical advice. However she is worried I'll have a heart attack at any moment. The other night my sister called her around 10pm, just after mom had gone to bed. Being a natural worrier, my mother was convinced this was finally the phone call saying that I had just had a heart attack. This really screwed with my head. God forbid I have pain in my arm, now I instantly think "that's a sign of a heart attack" rather then "it's probably just a cramp." I don't need anymore crazy, my head is stock full already.

Whatever Happened To...?





You always here the stories about "Where are they now?" with regard to celebrities and tv stars. Well, I've taken that idea but applied it to the internet. For example, what ever happened to MySpace.com? Back in 2006 MySpace was the topic of everyones conversation...and just a year or two later everyone had moved on.

Next is Chubnet.com which holds the title of the very first website I ever joined as a paying member. Just your average chubby guy porn website, but as the internet grew and changed Chubnet seemed to get left behind. 

Back in 1998 the two power house gay websites were PlanetOut.com and Gay.com. Planet Out is the website that my parents found on their home computer and thought was porn. I stupidly admitted to the porn thinking I had forgotten to delete the history during my last yank session. In it's hay day, PlanetOut was a great site that had a variety of gay content. Now it has been absorbed into the Gay.com world. Gay.com as you may remember was the main way to find guys to hookup with back in 2002. The "Green Screen" (named for the green background of the chat rooms) was a series of local chat rooms that connected on honry guy with one another. It paved the way for Manhunt and Adam4Adam etc.

While you're taking a strole down memory lane...don't forget about AIM and Prodigy.

Quick and Easy Gift Ideas

If you're unsure what to get someone on your Christmas list this year, I have a suggestion. Event Tickets. This year I bought tickets to go see Aziz Ansari for my sister and I. My thinking was that not only will my sister love the gift, but it's also a way of spending some quality time together. In addition, there is no need to worry about size or scent because they are a one size fits all gift. Concerts, plays, musicals, and stand up can all be an unexpected surprise under the tree. Just visit any of the numerous ticket sites to find events in your area. One thing to note, musicals tend to the safest choice when you are unsure of someone's music or comedy taste, but be careful because musicals can also be the most expensive.

My Book Club

Oprah has picked her latest book club pick. This time around she has chosen Charles Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities and Great Expectations.

I hate to read. I've never understood why everyone is so pretentious about reading. The next time you are at a party, mention to the group your distaste for books and watch the reaction. There is a general look of astonishment mixed with disgust as they look down their noses at you. My feeling is, if the book is that good, someone will make it into a movie. Truth be told,...I’ve always thought of reading as a chore. Back in 7th grade we were assigned Johnny Tremain, the story of a young boy in the Revolutionary War who worked as a silversmith. Could there be anything less interesting? How about Ethan Frome in 8th grade? I realize I shouldn’t judge all books from the bad experiences of grammar school, but what 13 year old wants to read about a miserable married man living in a winter wilderness. A lack of interest and a learning disability don’t help matters. It’s astonishing how many book reports I have faked through movies, book reviews and cliff’s notes.

The following is a list of books I was supposed to read. I've wrote essay's, writen book reports, and taken tests on everything listed. However I have never read more then a couple chapters each.

Johnny Tremain
Ethan Frome
Great Expectations
Julius Caesar
Macbeth
Summer of My German Soldier
To Kill a Mockingbird
One Flew Over the Cukoo’s Nest
Catch 22
Death Be Not Proud
My Brother Sam is Dead
Lord of the Fly’s
Of Mice and Men
James and the Giant Peach
Frankenstein
The Witch of Blackbird Pond
The Odyssey
Beowulf
The Pearl

P.S. The last book I read completely was the ‘Devil Wears Prada.’ I read it before I saw the movie, and I still liked the movie better.

2010 Facts Sheet

As 2010 comes to a close, I’ve been reading a lot of “Year in Review” stories. Here are some surprising statistics I found for 2010:

*Since gay marriage became legal in Iowa in 2009, there have been 7 reported unions between male prisoners.

*Paris France has long been the number one travel destination in the world, however in 2010 the more people traveled to Amsterdam then any other city.

*Not surprising, the most downloaded performer of 2010 on iTunes was Justin Bieber

*The number one cable show of the year was Sponge Bob Square Pants with an average of 7 million viewers an episode.

*Sarah Palin has more fans on Facebook then Barack Obama and Bill Clinton combined

*Despite the housing market taking a hard hit this past year, Las Vegas has moved into the number 10 spot of largest US cities. (by population) It was number 16 the previous year.

*World over, the world’s largest corporation is Sinopec, China’s leading gas company. It beat out Exxon Mobil for the top spot.

*When 5500 people were polled by Yahoo, more people could name the Kardashian sisters then the current Vise President of the United States.
　
　
**All Statistics listed are completely made up and should not be taken seriously.

Inspiration vs Reality

              The inspiration...

 

...the Reality

The Inspiration is a gorgeous gray cashmere peacoat from Alexander McQueen. It also costs $1129.00. (and that's the sale price) The reality is a gray wool peacoat from Target at only $59.99. As much as I love the inspiration, save the money and hit Target. It's close enough and you save over a grand!

Joe's Spank Me Time

Is This Normal?

The Merriam Webster dictionary defines 'Normal' as:

a : according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle

b : conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern

 

 

 

I was on Oprah.com looking for something else when I stumbled upon the quiz "Are You Normal?" The quiz was strange but it does raise a good question. What is normal? and is normal something you wish to achieve? I don't know what the experts say, but this is what MY NORMAL is:

 

I am dyslexic

I have two webbed toes

I wish I was a motivated person

I love cookies

I hate nuts in brownies

I like men with meat on their bones

I love Vogue magazines

I sleep naked

I shave in the shower

I love to dance

I love my body

I dislike my personality

I don't like clothing with company logos

I always set my alarm, although I never need it

I don't have a favorite desert

I don't have a favorite dessert

I am a horrible speller

I want to see a major label fashion show

I hate wearing a shirt and tie

I value creativity

I usually go to sleep at 11:30pm

I am most confident in my sense of style

I still like animated movies

I am completely comfortable in my sexuality

I want to work in fashion

I don't want to live in New York

I don't have a favorite movie

I want to travel more to new places

 

 

Favorite IPhone Apps

 

There are millions of IPhone apps out there and I don't have that many dowloaded when compared to most people.  I will only download an app if it's free and I know I will  use it. Here are my top favorite apps of all time. Facebook goes without saying because it is easily the app I use the most. The other four might not be as obvious. One of the first apps I ever downloaded was Style.com. There are many features to this app and I never use most of them. The one and only feature I use is "Look of the Day." It features 5 pictures and you have to choose which outfit you like the best. I LOVE it. Tumblr is an app that one of my great friends turned me on to. Although I prefer to use the real web version, it's still the best way to kill time looking a naked pics of hot guys. Flixster's app has become a necessity. Looking up movie times online is the biggest pain in the ass because all the movie sites are so loaded down with adds. Flixter is simple and easy to use. Last, but certainly not least is the Yellow Pages app. I have a love hate relationship with the YP. The app is a bit slow and clunky, however is the most useful app I have ever used. Not only can you find the name phone number for businesses, it also links you to directions. I have used it more times then I can count!

I Give Thanks I'm Not At The Mall

Today is Black Friday, historically one of the busiest shopping days of the year. However the last Saturday before Christmas usually beats it out it total sales. Having worked at the mall for many years, I want nothing to do with shopping in stores today. Today is a much better day to shop online. For the most part the stores have the same promo's online that they do instore. I saw this sweater from Old Navy in the store a few weeks ago and thought it was cute. But I refused to pay $50 at Old Navy. When did ON become expesive? Today it was on sale for $15. Score! Click and Ship. So I've done my part for the economy. Has anyone else found great deals this weekend?

Happy Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and I am totally stealing this quote from someone on facebook, "On this day we should all reflect on the 4 Great 'F's' in life; Family, Friends, Food, and Fucking!"

I think that just about sums it all up.

If you happen to be alone, today is the perfect day to snuggle up on the couch and watch old 30 Rock episodes on Netflix while eating a pre-made Mrs. Smith Apple pie. Let Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin be your family today.

Would You Bareback the Devil?

The Vatican came out with a landmark decision today. Condom use is the 'lesser of two evils' when they are used to prevent AIDS. Still evil, but not as bad as a deadly disease. What's sad is that this is truly a landmark decision. Up until now all forms of pregnancy prevention where deemed a sin. However now Pope Benedict XVI has slightly changed his tune. This quote from Yahoo News puts it best:

"This is admittedly a difficult distinction to grasp," he told The Associated Press in an e-mail. What the pontiff is saying is "that someone determined to do something wrong may be showing a glimmer of moral common sense by not doing that wrong thing in the worst possible way — which is not an endorsement of anything."

So if you're are going to be an evil sinner, be a moral evil sinner.

Never call your parents late at night.

My sister called my mother tonight at 10:05 pm. My mother was in bed, so my dad answered the phone. As my father walked up the stairs to bring her the phone, she was convinced the late night phone call was because I had just had a heart attack. Her words to my sister "This is to late to call. I thought that this was finally the phone call that Joey had had a heart attack."


Sigh......
That's all.

Hammacher Schlemmer for the Holidays

As you start your Holiday shopping this season, don't forget about the always exciting and always impractical Hammacher
Schlemmer. (http://www.hammacher.com/) If you've got money to burn on the person who has everything, they are the perfect shopping destination. Featured items include a Flying Car and a Personal Submarine. My favorite is the Authentic Boardwalk Photo Booth. I'd love to have this in my home so guest at parties could snap pictures of themselves. With a retail price of only $11,000... it's a steal! Get them before they sell out. Hammacher Schlemmer will even ship it to you for $1,5000.

*Gift Wrap Not Available.

Mega Dirty Mind

I treated myself to a movie this afternoon and went to see MegaMind. Am I the only one who found the scruffy MetroMan totally hot?!?

Which brings up the question, which cartoon characters would you have sex with?

My other two favorites are Chris Griffin from Family Guy and Stan Smith from American Dad.

Joe's Spank Me Time

Wow.
I want to go to there.

Epic Fail

I've had a bad week. Ok, lets be honest...it's been more then a week. I've been unsure how to address everything is one post. However. after tonight I knew I needed to post something.

People still surprise me. Last week I started chatting with a guy who said he was new in town and wanted to meet me for dinner. Naturally, I assumed this was a date. I was wrong. Lesson #1, unless he specifically uses the word 'Date,' never assume. It turns out he has a partner in Stamford, CT. He also hoped I'd be a stoner. Or as he put it "You're not what I expected. I thought you were going to be a cute chubby stoner. But your into material things, look at your fancy sweater."

Is this for real? Am I in the Twilight Zone? Talk about being kicked when you're down. I was hoping this date could lead to something more, or at least give my self esteem a boost. That was an epic fail. As a result, I'm thinking about going into hibernation. How wonderful would it be if I could just curl up in my big empty bed and spend the next 3 month fast alseep.

Happy Holidays

'I Love You Phillip Morris' Trailer HD

I'm not easily offended, but Jim Carrey's new movie makes me raise an eyebrow. I often ask myself, are they laughing at us or with us? The new movie 'I Love You Phillip Morris' walks that fine line. Let me be the first to say, I have not seen the movie, so this is all speculation. Hopefully it will be funny, light hearted and nothing more. But I have a sneaking suspicion that it's going to boarder on bad gay puns and stereotypes. Check it out for yourself and decide.

http://www.phillipmorrismovie.com/

Costello and Tagliapietra

I wanted to give a shout out to two of my favorite ready to wear designers Costello and Tagliapietra. Apart from their great designs, I also love their personal look! Let's be honest, most fashion designers look like a train wreck. For example, I adore John Galliano but he looks like a gay pirate. But these husky hotties are right up my alley. Check out style.com for a more photos and info. The pictures below are two of my favorites from their Spring 2011 show which premiered in New York this past September.

1 Girl 5 Gays

Logo has just started running a new show "One Girl Five Gays." It's from Mtv Canada. I think it's worth watching, although I still haven't decided what I think about it yet. The premise is that it's a round table discussion with, as the title says, 1 girl and 5 gay men. Topics include 20 questions about love and sex. A revolving group of 'regulars' are featured with the female host Aliya Jasmine. AJ is the most likable character. However, the problem is that the men chosen tend to be a little self righteous and even a little prudish. Check it out weeknight at midnight on Logo or Logotv.com to watch full espisodes.

The Reform Party vs. The Tea Party

 

They say history repeats itself....

and they were right.

It's non of your business

With Facebook becoming more invasive of our lives, privacy can go out the window. I thought I'd remind everyone of some tips I've picked up to help maintain some your boundaries. The first and easiest tip: It's a bad idea to list your employer in your profile. I picked this tip up several years ago at a legal seminar at work. The theory being if you list your employer, all the content of your page can then reflect on the company. For example, let's say you work for a Enron and have risqué pictures on Facebook. Enron could turn around and fire you because you are representing them in a negative light. That being said, you are not home free just because your employer is unlisted but it helps.

Second, get to know the Facebook security settings. Facebook has implemented some new security features but you have to go and find them because most are not the default. One way to help make your life easier is to associate every friend with a specific ‘Friends List.’ Family may go onto one list, while work colleagues could populate a second. You can then go ahead and assign each list specific security settings. An offshoot of this setting is one most people are unaware of. The next you are updating your status notice in the bottom right corner the small symbol that looks like a padlock. When you click the lock and choose Customize>Edit, you can specifically choose who will be able to view this post. So the next time you are drunk and posting how horny you are, do your 12 year old niece a favor and exclude her. (or include only her if that’s what you’re into) If you're skeptical like I was, I tried it out and it worked. I posted something and hid it from my sister. Then I went on using her account and it was successfully hidden.

Joe's Spank Me Time Vol 3

Keeping Warm

 To update your look this winter get these two key pieces. First a pair of cut off gloves. Channel your inner Madonna with this pair from the Gap for $14. Next is a knit hat with a brim. The built in brim is key to turn the otherwise boring skull cap into a trendy option. I love the snow flake pattern on this hat from American Eagle for $20.



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