Joe's Spank Me Time

The Grammys Suck (Still)

The Grammy nominations were announced last week there was one key takeaway: It was a very weak year for good music. Let me start by saying that I've always lacked a certain amount of respect for the Grammys. They lack consistency and with so many categories almost anyone can get a trophy. My left testicle was even nominated for Best Historical Album and Best Pop Instrumental Performance. (yes those are real categories) The Grammys have evolved over the years and today's awards have the taste level of a sexually confused 17 year old. While they try and look grungy and hypster chic on the outside deep down they still like cheesy mass market pop music. These two sides provide a bizarre mix. To satisfy it's hypster taste this year we have Goyte, The Black Keys, and Frank Ocean. *A side note: this is going to make me sound like a grumpy old man but I don't why people like Frank Ocean's music. It's fucking terrible.* While you were lamenting Goyte's nomination for Record of the Year the Grammys snuck in some Taylor Swift and an ass load of Kelly Clarkson to satisfy the boring pop side. Yes that's right, KC got a nod for Song and Records of the Year for Stronger (What doesn't kill you) That song was mildly entertaining at best. In no universe does it or she deserve 4 nominations.

Album of the year doesn't get much better. It's a heaping pile of who cares. Album of the Year includes: Jack White, Frank Ocean, Mumford and Sons, the Black Keys and Fun. I want to create and angry cat meme just for this category. It was also pointed out by E! Online that the entire category is all male. That's interesting when you consider that for the past couple years female artists have been leading the way and driving sales. The biggest names in music right now are Lady Gaga, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Adele, Rihanna, Beyonce amongst others. I think Justin Bieber can also be lumped in with the girls on this one. Not all of ladies had deserving or eligible albums but there's got to be at least one vagina that made a worthy album contender. My vote for that spot is Florence and the Machine. SO GOOD!

Other noted Grammy news:

-Ms. Carly Rae Jepsen got a couple nods for Call Me Maybe

-Pink was almost except for a Pop Album nod.

-Nicki Minaj was totally ignored. (They may have gotten this one right)

-As I said Florence and the Machine should've got an Album of the Year nomination for Ceremonials. At least they got a couple nod's in other categories.

-Where is David Guetta? I loved Titanium so much that I still think it deserves a Song of the Year spot.

-What happened to the Dance category? Dance is paired with Electronic and later dominated the category. Props to Skrillex and Avicii... but no Rihanna? Where Have You Been is a solid dance song.

-SWV got nominated for Best Traditional R&B Performance. Who knew they had a new album out? Good for you ladies!

For a complete list of nominations visit the official Grammy website

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New Music

This week's new music breakdown:

Will.i.am (having to type his name like that makes me dislike him more) has a new video for his song Scream and Shout featuring Britney Spears. The song sounds like something I've heard before... Nothing specific but it's as if he took a bunch of Black Eyed Peas' songs, put them in a blender, and added a dash of Britney. Also is Britney singing with a faux British accent? Who does that? Either way she looks AMAZING! I'm also ashamed to admit that I may be obsessed with this song. I heard it on the radio and liked it a lot more without the video.

Poor Nicki Minaj. Her new album isn't selling well. Maybe it's because people don't realize she has a new one out. She needs a new idea. Here's the break down: Her first (and most successful) album was Pink Friday. Since then she keeps trying to recapture that magic. Her second album was titled Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded. Ok, not the most original title but I can deal with it. Lady Gaga did it once so I'll give you a free pass. (Let it be said that Lady Gaga did it much better with The Fame and The Fame Monster respectively) Now her third album is titled Pink Friday Roman Reloaded: The Re-Up. Seriously? I mean really? I think it's time to scrap the whole Pink Friday thing and start fresh. 

I have a love hate relationship with Pink and currently I'm on the side of hate. I won't go into the whole thing now, but I've always thought she was a bit of a hypocrite for her song/video Stupid Girls and more recently I cringed at the line "Too school for cool" from her song Raise Your Glass. Regardless of my opinion, Pink has been turning out hit songs for years. Her new video for Try is very well done and should win an award for choreography if such a category exists. Unfortunately, unlike Scream and Shout, this song needs the video. When I heard Try on the radio it felt like something was missing.

Finders Keepers

It's come to my attention that some people lack the skills to find a person online. If you're too shy to actually approach them in person, here are other ways to find out more info. Clarification: When I say 'find more info' it usually means finding X rated content.

These tips may come in handy if you are to nervous to talk to someone one or maybe they left before you had a chance to chat. If you're at a bear event, it impossible to talk to everyone you're interested in. Once you get home the online search begins for that hot couple you kept seeing. I'll give you an example to start off with: I saw a guy this past weekend at the Dallas Eagle who was very cute. He also happen to look a lot like my friend Mike. I pointed out the likeness to the mutual friend I was chatting with and he happened to mention they were Tumblr friends. This is enough information to start a bountiful search. The tips vary based on what you know and what you want to find. so let's break it down step by step:

1. Friends are the best resource. I know someone who I've nicknamed the Bear Rolodex for his expert skills vast and archives of bear porn. The Bear/Chub/Chaser community is a tightly knit one and you probable know someone in common. Or at the very least you may know someone who has stumbled across their profile(s) at some point. Friend can provide a lot of the basic information like name or city to start searching. 

2. Who do your friend know? Friend can also provide great information without knowing it. Sites like Facebook, Instagram, Xtube, and Tumblr all feature ways to link to other peoples profiles. Whether its following on Tumbler and Instagram or friends on Xtube and Facebook there are ways to see who your friends know. Often called poaching, it refers to going through someone's friend list and steeling anyone that looks cute. This is especially helpful on Instagram.

3. What's their screen name? Many people use the same screen names across multiple sites. Some screen names have become nicknames in real life. Let's say there's a sexy guy you know and you'd love to see his naked pictures. You also noticed that he uses the same name on a couple of sites... AlabamaSlammaa. Using that screen name is an easy way to search for him. For example everyone's Tumblr web address follows the same format. ScreenName.Tumblr.com. So in this case it would be http://AlabamaSlammaa.tumblr.com. The same goes for Xtube. (If you haven't looked already, AlabamaSlammaa is just a name I made up for this example. Sorry guys.)

4.Sometimes you have to do the grunt work. In some cases you may only have very limited information. You may only know that he lives in Seattle and nothing else. In those instances, its time for the old school location search. Sites like Bear411, BiggerCity, BigMuscleBears, and Manhunt are useful because they allow you the ability to seach based on location. If you're lucky he lives in a small town because if you're unlucky you may have to sift through 80 pages of search results if he lives in New York City. Even Growlr has a feature where you can search by city.

5. Just Ask. Its the simplest way to get what you want. But be warned... if you want X rated content you're going to be expected to give X rated content. (I'm talking to you Ollie) Many will trade pics but few will give them up with no strings attached. 

6. You may need good old fashion luck. Finding someone on Tumblr can be extremely difficult if you do not know a screen name. Sometime you just have to wait for luck to intervene and their picture to show up in your news feed. I've found two friends on Xtube simple by accidentally stumbling onto their videos.

As you can see it's not difficult to find someone online. You can also use all this information if you do not want to be found. If you want to hide, simply do the opposite of everything I listed. Just know that once you share a picture or video with one person it's like sharing it with the world. Once that door is open it's near impossible to shut. Personally I love it when people share dirty pictures. Nothing makes me happier then a text message with a new iPhone sex video attached. That's perfect j/o material.

P.S. Googling a person is amateur and rarely gives your the results you're looking for. Unless of course you're searching for someone like Rihanna or Pam Anderson. 

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BearCity 2: The Proposal

This is a review of the movie, but I'll warn you before I spoil any plot lines if you haven't seen it yet. 

Yesterday afternoon I was treated to a screening of BearCity 2: The Proposal. I liked it more then I thought I would and I'll admit I teared up at the end. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of the first movie so my expectations may have been low. All the same actors and characters come back to develop their story lines a little deeper. My problem with the first film was the two leading characters Tyler and Roger. (and some of the same problems continue into the sequel) Something was missing from their story line and I cared more about the supporting actors. Not to mention it wasn't very believable that Tyler, a supposed chubby daddy bear chaser would end up with Roger and his toned gym body.

Apparently I wasn't the only person with these criticisms because the film makers addressed almost every issue in the sequel making for a much improved film. BearCity 2 opens as Roger proposes to Tyler who's a bit scared of the commitment. Roger's dream is to have his wedding in Ptown so the gang packs up and heads for Bear Week. It was as accurate a portrayal of Bear Week as any fictitious story could be. The comedy and heart of the movie lies on the shoulders of it's supporting characters. Brent (played by Stephen Guarino) steals the show and outshines everyone else! In fact I almost wish he and partner Fred (played by Brian Keane) were the lead characters. Their scenes are hilarious and heart warming. There were plenty winks to the Ptown  including the dick dock, Spiritus pizza, and the boat slip t-dance. If you've never been to Ptown you'll still laugh at C-pap jokes and the Chicago triad rooming upstairs.

*Spoiler Alert* Proceed with caution ;-)

I was glad this movie addressed the issue of the lead characters' mismatched types. Tyler starts flirting with a friendly beefy-bellied bear and Roger reconnects with an old flame. Obviously the two new men complicate matters and cracks start to form leading to their eventual split. I was glad to see the film didn't have the cliche ending of all romantic comedies where all problems are solved and the couple lives happily ever after. Although they remain friends the two do not reunite. As I said, I enjoyed the film and would recommend it to the any of my friends. I enjoyed seeing friends in the background and playing the always fun game "Count how many guys I've had sex with."

Look for Kathy Najimy, who is perfectly cast as Brent's mother Rose. Cameo's include Kevin Smith, Mike Ruiz, Varla Jean Merman, and my favorite round sound mixer DJ Kurt Jo.


Rating: Two Thumbs Up

Shout Outs!

My boyfriend in Houston November 2012

Me in New Haven September 2011

 

 A shout out to white sneakers! You can be boring with your black books but white sneakers stand out. A side note: Each of the two pictures were taken independently of each other. How crazy is it that my boyfriend's pal took almost the exact same photo as someone took of me?!?

A shout out to dogs in cars! Nothing makes a pooch happier then going for a ride.

A shout out to Target! Their Evolve men's underwear is comfortable, cute and cost effective. $12.99 for a box of two.

A shout out to World AIDS day! Get tested and know your status.

A shout out to Apple Pie Shots! Pineapple Juice, Goldschlager, and Apple Schnapps. Delicious.

Joy and Pain

Reflecting on Thanksgiving

I went home to Connecticut for Thanksgiving to spend quality time with my family. It was a wonderfully delicious dinner filled with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, gravy, and more. My sister even stayed over for a night so we could all be under one roof again. I even got some couch time with the pugs. It was like old times as they fell asleep and snored on my lap. Spending the weekend with my parents and sister gave me the opportunity to recharge my battery. In the past I have never cared much for holidays but this year I couldn't have been happier to be home. I didn't even mind sleeping on a cheap blow up mattress. It was one of the best Thanksgiving I can remember with my family. 

My weekend was bitter sweet though. While I was back in the northeast I wanted to try and spend as much quality time with friends as I did with family. Unfortunately I was let down. Everyone has a life and things always come up. But I thought they would want to see me as much as I wanted to see them. I thought I was more important then bull shit. Bull shit won. I was not naive assuming that everyone would drop their holiday plans at a second's notice. In fact, I tried to get the ball rolling back in September. I knew Thanksgiving weekend would be the best opportunity for quality time so I made a post on Facebook so my visit could be worked into schedules. As the weeks and months went by I also dropped reminder text messages to keep the thought fresh in mind. The response I got was pitiful. I don't like to pull out the 'distance card' a lot, but I do in  fact live 1500 miles away now and I thought my return home would be met with a bit more celebration. It was one of those small moments in life where you see a person's true nature. 

As I flew home Saturday night I was surprised at how relieved I was to be coming back to Dallas. I missed Dallas and I missed my boyfriend. I knew in my heart I had made the correct decision to move. I was also tremendously angry and disappointed for feeling like I had to beg a person to spend time with them. It's an awful feeling when you have to beg. But life moves on and changes. I will choose to remember the great times of past and not the douche bag moments of the present.

One a finale note, I do not want the actions of a few to taint the actions of the many. Not everyone in Connecticut let me down. On Wednesday night I was able to catch up (even if just briefly) with a lot of good people. 

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