Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

Wedding: The word brings to mind broken budgets, overbearing families, and out dated traditions.

I should begin by saying that I generally don’t like weddings. (as you can probably tell) The meaning of the union is often lost in pomp and circumstance. Seating charts, food, center pieces, and invitations should not be the focus of the day. Prince William is getting married this Friday and it will no doubt be a huge gold encrusted event. But I give him the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure he doesn't have much say in the matter. But I'd be curious to know what he would choose if he really could have the wedding he wanted.

I've never been to a gay wedding but I wonder if they bring the stereotypical trappings of a straight affair? When you really think about it, should gay weddings mimic their straight counterparts anyway? We are not heterosexual and yet a lot of couples copy the traditions of straight culture. Much of the tradition and ceremony attached to a marrying comes from the deep roots of religious and heterosexual politics. For example: The bride is walked down the isle and “given away” to her new husband. I’m sure there’s a Women’s Studies major out there writing a thesis on the topic as we speak. I'm not saying large weddings are bad. I just think your wedding day should be a very personal expression of your love.

What is your perfect wedding? Formal and fancy or fun and familiar? I tend to lean toward the casual and relaxed attitude and dressed up formality has never appealed to me. There are two ideas I like best for my wedding:

1. The Wedding Surprise- Invite everyone you know and care about for a relaxed engagement party. Tell them gifts aren't necessary. After a bit of socializing surprise the guests with a wedding ceremony.

2. The Escape Wedding- Rather then deal with all the trappings of a large family wedding, run off to a tropical island and getting married in a very quiet and private ceremony.
 
Have your wedding your way and don't worry about what other people will think. ( Including me!) I only ask that you stay away from Calla Lilies and the Electric Slide. *Shudder*
 
 
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Write Your Own Joke

He won the trophy for drinking his poisonous punch the fastest the cult meeting.

Everyone needs a picture of the first time they were drunk.

At least he's got a big dick....

"Just make sure and only take the picture from the waist up."

Dear RuPaul, I would be perfect for the next season of Drag Race because...

Just because they make it, doesn't mean you should wear it

A rare picture of a scientologist's ceremonial dress.

WINNING!

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The Word of the Lord

You bet your ass it can.  

Preach!

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A Belly-Lover's Haiku

Rest it on my head
While I am on my knees
And I will swallow

If I Ever Had A Tattoo...

Crayons are my current throw back obsession. One of the greatest pleasures in life is a new 64 count box of Crayola Crayons. I always hessitated to use the the first stick because I wanted to keep them new for as long as possbile. Crayons and coloring books are simple joys that instantly bring me back to childhood. I've decided if I ever get a tattoo it will be a 64 pack of crayolas.

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Public Porn

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Helpful Tip #22

Back up your important information- Specifically everyone's phone number. I've never had my phone crash and die but in case I do I'm prepared. Originally my back up was a crude hand written paper with everyone name and cell phone number on it. Then I had a much better idea! I use Yahoo as my main email service and I took all of the phone numbers and inputed them into the contact section on Yahoo Mail. (Most email service offer this basic features) Yes, creating new contact information can be tedious and time consuming if you know a lot of people. A lazy version of this is to quickly type all the phone numbers in an email and send it to yourself. Save the email in a separate folder and you'll always have it when you need it. (I email myself important info all the time) While you're at it try and get the person's address too. The great thing about having it saved electronically is that you can access it from anywhere. If your cell phone ever dies or is stolen now you'll have a back up plan. We've all seen the Facebook updates: "I lost my phone and all my contacts. Text me your number."

 If you have a persons address it can also save you in a couple a key situations. For example, one of your close friends has a death in the family and you want to send a card or flowers. You've been to their house...but what's the street number and zip code? Nothing is worse then having to ask someone for their address just before sending them something.

P.S. If you need someone's address you can visit http://www.spokeo.com/. It's strangly accurate.