Sticks and Stones Can Break My Bones...

There are make-it or break-it moment is life. Those situations that can strengthen a bond between two people or sever it completely. I can over ignore a lot of thing expect one. I get pissed me off the most when someone has a selfish (first) response to surprising news. I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about: I call to tell you I was in a car accident and your first response (without knowing any other information) to me is, "It's probably because you were speeding. You should really drive slower." Are you kidding me? That's how you react? If someone ever said that to me I'd want to stab them with a butter knife. The first thing out of their mouth was not, "Are you ok?" or even "Oh my god, that's horrible." No, their first reaction was full of judgment, lacking any care or concern for my well being. Like I said it's a make-it or break-it moment. I get so angry because I it's a glimpse into the true unfiltered feelings of the other person. Politeness has not had a chance to catch up with what's coming out of their mouths. It's something that I can forgive but not forget. Before moving I worked for an insurance company talking 'first notice of loss' calls. Basically, if you got into a car accident, I was the person that picked up the phone when you called your insurance company. They taught us to ask "Are you ok? Was anyone hurt?" when someone called in from the scene of an accident. It's a more human response then if we coldly said, "what's your policy number?"

In most situations we can catch ourselves and filter what we're really thinking. When the news is surprising, our guard is down letting pure honesty out. It shows where a person true priorities lie. The example of the car accident is purely fiction. But this type of thing has happened in my real life. The two most notable conversations went like this:

When my career hit a bump:

Me: Work has become so unbearable that it's caused me some bad depression. I think I'm going to quit.
Person X: What about the money I loaned you?

When my friendship hit a bump:

Me: I know I've pulled away a lot and our relationship has suffered. We really need to talk.
Person Y: I've noticed but I don't think I've done anything wrong.

As you can see in both situations the responses could use some work in beefing up the humanity. At first I was going to label this as a pet peeve but my annoyance is so strong that it can be a relationship ender.  When I quit my job back in 2009, the person X in question was actually my parents. I won't go into the long story of the reasons that lead me to quit, but I can assure you it was one of the worst times in my life. Now that I think of it, both situations/examples overlapped back in the 2008-2010 causing a very stressful couple years. I knew deep down my parents wouldn't be happy with my decision. Quitting a job without a replacement is a very risky move and a move I didn't take lightly. I expected the news to cause mixed reactions but I didn't expect the cold shoulder. When they heard about my plan their first concern was money. As I said before, I get extremely pissed off when this happens and it took me a very long time to move passed it my parents. I was angry for a long time. I know they love and support me but at pivotal moment they dropped the ball.

I used these examples to help prove a point and because they are from important moments in my life. However, this can/does happen on a much smaller scale in every day life. The lesson here is to think before you speak. When you hear unexpected news it's a good idea to stop for a moment and let it process. Let the information sink in before you get defensive or accusatory. Avoid those land mines whenever possible. 

Random Thoughts

1. Lisa Whelchel, better known as Blair Warner from the Facts of Life, is on the newest season of Survivor. Seriously...This isn't a joke. Why am I just finding out about this now?!? The best part is the other cast members have no idea.

2. The Emmy's were last Sunday and it was a nice show over all. Nothing to exciting. Jimmy Kimmel didn't even make a joke about Jon Hamm's donkey dick. The whole evening was enjoyable but forgettable.

3. Rihanna released her new song Diamonds this week. I think this is the first time I will ever say/type the following statement... Rihanna's new song is shit awful. Christina Aquilera also put out a new song. Like the Emmy's, its enjoyable but forgettable at best. Stick to judging Xtina.

4. 'Gangnam Style' is the biggest hit to come out of Asia since sang William Hung sang 'She Bangs.' I wonder if there's a hipster somewhere who's complaining, "Gangnam Style is so commercial. I listen to K-pop bands that you've never even heard of." 

5. Threadless.com just launched a line a Disney Villian t-shirts. AWESOME!

6. The gay version of Eat-Pray-Love is Eat-Drink-Fuck.
If you could Eat Drink Fuck your life, where would you go?

7. ROFL and LOL have been replaced with ROFLIP. Rolling of the Floor Laughing in Piss. Use it.

8. They should make car bumpers out of rubber. (similar to tires) Although it might not be as visually appealing, it could take a hit and drive away without damage.

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Angry White Guys

I've never cared about politics and my lack of interested holds true for the current presidential race. I don’t normally follow elections closely but I try to stay up to date on the current issues. I haven’t even done that this year. I feel like I've completely ignored the race so far. However, in the past couple days I’ve tried to play catch up and get a general over view of how things are going. Here is a political update from someone who doesn’t follow politics:

 

I consider myself a fair representation of the rest of the country. If you asked most people about the election, they would be probably know just as much as I do. 

 

One of the main reasons for my lack of attention is that I expect President Obama to win. It's an assumption I've had since the race began. Why pay attention when you already know the ending right? As the election has gone on I was a little surprised that Romney was doing well. The landslide slam dunk I thought would happen was much closer in poll numbers. Even still, I still expect Obama will pull it out in the end. Whether you consider his win a clear victory or an upset is up to you. 

Maybe it's not that I assume Obama will win, it's that I know the Republicans will lose. Mitt Romney seems like a nice enough guy if you take away his social views. During the early primaries I was shocked that the Republicans might be dumb enough to back Rick Santorum. There was a pretty pathetic bunch to choose from and Romney was clearly the only sane one in the bunch. Although, can you imagine the comedic shit show that would have resulted if Santorum got the nomination? That's an alternate universe I'd like to visit for a day. 

Romney might be sane but he's also a stiff boring white guy. As every year passes, the Republicans seem to be loosing touching with modern society. A well dress white guy with good hair isn't enough anymore. I read a good article on comments made by conservative Senator Lindsey Graham on the Huffington Post last night. He said it best:

 

"Mitt Romney should be headed for a win over President Barack Obama, with coattails for down-ticket offices. But in acknowledging a trend in the polls against the GOP, Graham said it would show that America's demographics have so changed -- in Democrats' favor -- that a president's stewardship of the economy no longer is a deciding factor.

"If we lose this election, performance as president doesn't matter like it used to," Graham said in a discussion with The Huffington Post and several other reporters outside the Senate chamber last week.  

"There's a reason no president has ever been reelected with an economy like this," Graham said. "It would tell me that it's more of a demographic race for president than it is a performance-based race. And that may be where we're at as a nation, and maybe where we are as a party, and we just don't know it."

Graham, who said earlier that the country wasn't "generating enough angry, white guys" to keep the GOP in business, was referring to the growing trend of Republicans depending on white voters to win elections.

It's a startling admission from a Southern white politician, but one he stood by. "If he's able to do this, President Obama's rewritten history," Graham said. "If we lose as Republicans, we're going to have to ask ourselves, who are we going to be? If we don't beat this guy, who are we going to be?"

Visit the Huffington Post to read the full article.  

I think that pretty much sums it up. Even at his worst, Obama seems like leader for the future. Mitt Romney is a boring CEO. Like Alec Baldwin's Jack Donaghy minus sex appeal, charm and charisma.

 

Grammar Nazi

They walk amongst us and blend in with everyday life... but don't be fooled they'll strike at any moment. That's right, I'm talking about grammar nazis. They'll be the first to correct your grammar on Facebook or point out a mistake on Twitter. Using bad grammar does make you look foolish so I understand that they're trying to be helpful. Somewhere deep down they have good intentions but it's usually wrapped up in thin layer of arrogance. Just know that if and when you correct someone's grammar you will always come off like an asshole. I can't say too much about grammar nazis because in the end they're on the winning side of the argument.

As I've said before, I'm a notoriously bad speller. Horrifically bad. If you're a faithful reader you've undoubtedly noticed mistakes that I'm blissfully unaware of. To help out my fellow bad spellers and grammar misfits here is a guide to some of the most common mistake. I've also included some of the words that I continually have trouble with:

Sweet vs Sweat:

I like when there is a clever trick to remember how to spell words. For example I never confuse meat and meet because an early grade school teacher pointed out the tip that the word eat in with in the word meat and meat is something you eat. Perfect. I love those little tricks. Wouldn't it be easier if sweet was spelled s.w.e.a.t because it can refer to something you eat. But no! The English language had to go and make it hard. Damn you. For the records- SWEAT is what happens when you work out at the gym. SWEET is that flavor of a smoothie.

There, They're and Their:

This is a mistake that's very common but for someone reason I've always been able to master. I learned the difference early and it stuck in my brain. Their is possessive. They're is a contraction for they are. There is a noun that usually refers to location. (It's over there)

It's vs Its

This is anther example of English language rule breaking. The rule is: add   's  to show possession. Except in the case of the word IT. It's is the contraction for it is. Its is the possessive form of IT. Damn it.

Business

I always remember how to spell it, but a small part of me always want to put the I after the U (buisness)

Definitely:

When you're typing or texting, auto correct will always try and change definitely to defiantly. There no real trick here. The only way I try and remember it is to spell definite and then add the ly. 

Clothes

I always type cloths when I mean clothes. That just my own brain fart.

Waste vs Waist

This one still screws me up. Waist is the middle of your body where your belt goes. Waste is garbage.

Continual vs Continuous

I found this one online. I'm sure I've always used each work incorrectly. Continual means repeated regularly and often; Continuous means extended or prolonged without interruption.

Dessert vs Desert

I have a trick for this one. Dessert is what you eat and there are two SS because you always want more dessert.

Plane vs Plain

Now that I live in Texas I fly home somewhat often and whenever I type the word plane I have to type the word airplane into Google as I spell check. I still never remember which is which. (yes, I had to look as I was typing this post too) The only trick I can think of is: It rains on the plain and both are spelled with an AI.

I hope this helps. When is doubt type the word into Google or Yahoo as it will automatically form of list of what it thinks you're trying to say. It's a life saver.

P.S. Before this post I always thought grammar was spelled G.R.A.M.M.E.R. Oops.

NYFW

Here are my top 10 favorite looks from New York Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2013:

Victoria Beckham

Oscar de la Renta

Christian Siriano

Paul Smith

Alexander Wang

Costello Tagliapietra

Altuzarra

Prabal Gurung

Ralph Lauren

Michael Kors

Fashion Shower

A LOVE Anna Dello Russo! She's the over-the-top Editor at Large for Vogue Japan and now she has teamed up with H&M for a new line of accessories. Check out the promo video

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Why Do Droid Users Care So Much About the iPhone?

The iPhone is to the Droid as Madonna is to Cyndi Lauper.

 

As you undoubtedly know, Apple unveiled the iPhone 5 today and Facebook was a flame with comments. The majority of comments gave the new Apple incarnation a thumbs down. The odd part was that most of the detractors were not iPhone users. If you hate Apple that’s your business and who am I to change your mind. However, if you’re not an iPhone user, why the hell do you care so much? It seems like they have a chip on their shoulder with something to prove. I have an iPhone 4S and I’m very happy with it. I was interested in the new release out of mere curiosity but with no real plans to upgrade anytime soon. Droid phones are probably great, but to be honest I don’t know or care anything about them because I don’t use them. Droids are like vaginas... Yes they exist but they have no impact on my everyday life. I get that Apple launches are major media events and shoved in everyone’s face, but that’s no reason to get all worked up. You don’t see me ranting and raving on Super Bowl Sunday just because I don’t watch football. Also, when is the last time you heard an iPhone user bitch about a Droid launch? When have you ever heard about a Droid launch?

I firmly believe that you can judge a product's impact based on the strength of the reaction. Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are perfect examples. Kim K continuously gets blasted for being famous for nothing. However, anyone that can bring out that much rage from the public must have made a serious impact. Comparatively, Paris Hilton has dropped off the face of the earth even though she was a much bigger “famous for nothing” star in the early years. In fact Kim was just one of her unknown friends. As time has gone by though, the public has forgotten about Paris. People simply don't care about her. Is it better to be forgotten or so famous you're hated? The opposite of love is ambivalence and there is a thin line between love and hate. 

Back to the iPhone. I started this post out with an analogy comparing the iPhone with Madonna. They have a much more symbiotic relationship then you may think. Both are cultural icons that changed their respective industries. Actually, they both changed the music industry. Critics may say they are past their prime while fans say it only gets better with age. Regardless of which side you're on, the iPhone (and Madonna) made history and will get a section in pop culture history books while the Droid (and Cyndi Lauper) will be described in a patronizing foot note: "Very underrated."

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Joe's Spank Me Time

 

I could feast for days. 

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US Citizenship Test Questions: Would You Pass?

My retired mother has started volunteering as a tutor for the United States Citizenship test. The exam is given orally and therefore there are no multiple choices to pick from. You either know it or you don't. One of the sections is 6 question pulled at random from the following 100 questions. If you had to pass a test to become a citizen of our country, would you pass? (The answers are listed in the comments section at the end of the post)

1.What is the supreme law of the land?

2. What does the Constitution do?

3. The idea of self-government is in the first three words of the Constitution.  What are these words?

4. What is an amendment?

5. What do we call the first ten amendments to the Constitution?

6. What is one right or freedom from the First Amendment?

7. How many amendments does the Constitution have?

8. What did the Declaration of Independence do?

9. What are two rights in the Declaration of Independence?

10. What is freedom of religion?

11. What is the economic system in the United States?

12. What is the "rule of law"?

13. Name one branch or part of the government.

14. What stops one branch of government from becoming too powerful?

15. Who is in charge of the executive branch?

16. Who makes federal laws?

17. What are the two parts of the United States Congress?

18. How many United States Senators are there?

19. We elect a United States Senator for how many years?

20. Name your state's two U.S. Senators.

21. The House of Representatives has how many voting members?

22. We elect a U.S. Representative for how many years?

23. Name your U.S. Representative.

24. Who does a U.S. Senator represent?

25. Why do some states have more Representatives than other states?

26. We elect a President for how many years?

27. In what month do we vote for President?

28. What is the name of the President of the United States now?

29. What is the name of the Vice President of the United States now?

30. If the President can no longer serve, who becomes President?

31. If both the President and the Vice President can no longer serve, who becomes President?

32. Who is the Commander in Chief of the military?

33. Who signs bills to become laws

34. Who vetoes bills?

35. What does the President's Cabinet do?

36. What are two Cabinet-level positions?

37. What does the judicial branch do?

38. What is the highest court in the United States?

39. How many justices are on the Supreme Court?

40. Who is the Chief Justice of the United States?

41. Under our Constitution, some powers belong to the federal government.  What is one power of the federal government?

42. Under our Constitution, some powers belong to the states.  What is one power of the states?

43. Who is the Governor of your state?

44. What is the capital of your state?

45. What are the two major political parties in the United States?

46. What is the political party of the President now?

47. What is the name of the Speaker of the House of Representatives now?

48. There are four amendments to the Constitution about who can vote.  Describe one of them.

49. What is one responsibility that is only for United States citizens?

50. What are two rights only for United States citizens?

51. What are two rights of everyone living in the United States?

52. What do we show loyalty to when we say the Pledge of Allegiance?

53. What is one promise you make when you become a United States citizen?

54. How old do citizens have to be to vote for President?

55. What are two ways that Americans can participate in their democracy?

56. When is the last day you can send in federal income tax forms?

57. When must all men register for the Selective Service?

58. What is one reason colonists came to America?

59. Who lived in America before the Europeans arrived?

60. What group of people was taken to America and sold as slaves?

61. Why did the colonists fight the British?

62. Who wrote the Declaration of Independence?

63. When was the Declaration of Independence adopted?

64. There were 13 original states.  Name three.

65. What happened at the Constitutional Convention?

66. When was the Constitution written?

67. The Federalist Papers supported the passage of the U.S. Constitution.  Name one of the writers.

68. What is one thing Benjamin Franklin is famous for?

69. Who is the "Father of Our Country"

70. Who was the first President?

71. What territory did the United States buy from France in 1803?a

72. Name one war fought by the United States in the 1800s.

73. Name the U.S. war between the North and the South.

74. Name one problem that led to the Civil War

75. What was one important thing that Abraham Lincoln did?

76. What did the Emancipation Proclamation do?

77. What did Susan B. Anthony do?

78. Name one war fought by the United States in the 1900s

79. Who was President during World War I?

80. Who was President during the Great Depression and World War II?

81. Who did the United States fight in World War II?

82. Before he was President, Eisenhower was a general.  What war was he in?83. During the Cold War, what was the main concern of the United States?

84. What movement tried to end racial discrimination?

85. What did Martin Luther King, Jr. do?

86. What major event happened on September 11, 2001 in the United States?

87. Name one American Indian tribe in the United States

88. Name one of the two longest rivers in the United States.

89. What ocean is on the West Coast of the United States?

90. What Ocean is on the East Coast of the United States?

91. Name one U.S. territory.

92. Name one state that borders Canada.

93. Name one state that borders Mexico.

94. What is the capital of the United States?

95. Where is the Statue of Liberty?

96. Why does the flag have 13 stripes?

97. Why does the flag have 50 stars?

98. What is the name of the national anthem?

99. When do we celebrate Independence Day?

100. Name two national U.S. holidays.


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Is Chanel Ugly?

No other brand in all of fashion has the history and prestige to match the king of French fashion. Started by Coco Chanel in 1909 in France, the brand built it's empire with boxy tweed suits and quilted leather bags. Coco was even the first designer to have a branded perfume and the label's overlapping C logo is known and copied around the world. I don't doubt or question these icon making events. My criticism is aimed at Chanel's modern day incarnation.

Coco herself died in 1971 and the current head designer Karl Lagerfeld has been at the helm since 1983. Lagerfeld is considered by most to be a living genius and I've become a huge fan of his. What I realized is that I love Karl Lagerfeld the man not the designer. He's a fan waiving white haired dandy who throws the most lavish over the top fashion shows. True story: In March 2010 for the Fall/Winter show, he had a 265 ton iceberg imported to from Sweden just for a runway presentation that lasted no longer then an hour. (The room was kept at 28 degrees to keep it from melting) That's some epic shit right there! But lets get back to the clothes. Chanel wins on accessories like hand bags and watches, but is anyone buying the clothes? I did some unofficial research and discovered interesting results. If you wanted to buy a Chanel dress online, it's almost impossible. I checked major luxury retailers like Bergdorf Goodman, Neiman Marcus, and Sax Fifth Avenue and none sell Chanel clothing. Many sites sell the brand's extremely successful make up line but no skirts, jackets, or pants to be found. The true test came when I looked past all the glitz and glamor to judge the actual pieces. As I went through each look, they ranged from pretty classics to odd 80's old lady. For the most part though... Chanel is ugly. If there was a different label on the inside of these garments you would shriek in horror. Now if you need me, I'll be in the fashion witness protection program for daring to ask the questions no one else will.





















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Memory Lane

Yes, this is real.

I'm the giant of the family

High School Year Book Photo

Dad in 1967 giving hip action