Summer Olympic Preview

The summer Olympics are about a month away and to help you get into the winning spirit I did extensive research to find some of the sexiest athletes appearing in London this year. Unfortunately most summer athletes are runners, gymnasts, and swimmers who all have the classic slimmed/toned build. As you can imagine slim and toned is not usually my type so I had to dig deep to find the bears. I'll be honest and tell you there isn't much to chose from as far as eye candy goes. (thank god for Christian Cantwell) But here is a little preview...

              Mindaugus Mizgaitis

              Lithuania (Wrestling)

              6' 3" 278lbs

      

           Dylan Armstrong

                  (Shot Put) Canada

                  6' 4" 251 lbs

and

Drum Roll Please...

I give you America's own Christian Cantwell!

Christian Caldwell

(Shot Put) USA

6' 5" 300lbs

For other Olympic geeks:
the 2014 games will be in Sochi, 2016 in Rio, and 2018 in PyeongChang. 2020 won't be decided until September of 2013 but in the running is Rome, Madrid, Tokyo, Istanbul, Doha-Qatar, and Baku-Azerbaijan. (FYI Doha and Baku are both in the Middle East)
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Designer's Challenge

When I chose my apartment, the complex gave me the option to have any of the walls painted with accent colors and I chose to have one wall in my bedroom painted green. On June 8th when I finally moved in I was surprised to see that one of the walls in the living room was painted a rust/clay red. It really threw me for a loop. Being so busy with the move, I really hadn't stopped to decide what my decorating would look like. Although red was never on my list. I have no problem with red but it's not a color I would ever choose to decorate with. When it comes to paint color I tend to gravitate toward blues, greens, grays, and khakis. Although I love rusty red on cloths, my walls where a different story.

The color surprise was not enough of a problem to have the wall repainted and I took the situation as a challenge. I won't let this red wall beat me! My first reaction was to avoid the red and use beige on everything. Wash out the color with neutrals on neutrals on neutrals. Then I had a burst of inspiration from a Target pillow. I really liked said pillow but my only hesitations were the touches of yellow amongst the neutral brown. Once I got home the pillow(s) looked great. The yellow complimented everything perfectly. I quickly realized how to work with my red wall. My color pallet should be one from an African safari. Rusty red, stone khaki, burnt orange and muted yellow offset by dark wood. To be clear, I don't want an African theme with tribal masks and big stuffed giraffe. I'm only interested in the colors. I paired the pillow with an ottoman from West Elm (a splurge) that is stone gray with a white rosette pattern. The more the room comes together the more I like it. I'm almost glad my red wall forced me outside my decorating comfort zone.

My living room is far from done but the major pieced are in place. My next big hurdle is art work and wall decor. There is A LOT of empty wall space that needs to be dealt with. I have a couple small pictures to hang but they'll be dwarfed without something more substantial. I'd also like a shelving unit of some sort to store knick knacks and tchotchkes. Originally I bought one from Ikea but later returned it after I questioned it's stability. Everything will have to be put on hold for a while though while I let my budget catch up with my shopping.

Joe's Spank Me Time

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The Basics

Age: 30

Current Location: Dallas, TX

Born: Yale-New Have Hospital, New Haven CT.

Profession: Operations Specialist

Marital Status: Single

My favorite meal: Chicken and pasta

Turn off: Insecurity

Turn on: A man who's confident, outgoing, and shorter then me.

Most of art work in my apartment was done or given to me by my friend Dan.

Living or Dead- 3 People I would invite to Dinner:

Song that makes cry: Glitter is the Air

Save or Spender? Spender

Major fear: Roller Coasters

Top 3 Favorite songs: It's Not Right (But It's Ok) Remix- Thunderpuss/Whitney Houston, Push It- Salt-n-Pepa, Bad Romance- Lady Gaga

Life Lessons: Don't quote song lyrics in an online profile. You're using someone else's words and creativity to express who you are.

I tend to be to honest in many situations. My family calls it "truth bombs." If you're looking for real world practical advice, I'm your man.

I've known 7 close friends or family who've had cancer. I am happy to report they are all alive and healthy.

Items still on my bucket list: Going to a titty bar

Least favorite holiday: New Years Eve. (Ugh... I hate it)

Little known facts:

-When I was young I went through many hours of testing finally to come to the conclusion that I had strong learning disabilities. (dyslexia etc)

-Of my 4 grandparents, two died before I was born and remaining two died when I was 8 and 9 years old. My father's mother (who died when I was 9) had approx 8 heart attached that year.

 
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Dazed and Confused

The idea for this post has been kicking around in my head for a while but I couldn't shape it into a meaningful article until now. It all started on Facebook. (of course) I thought I had someone generally figured out. Not in a bad way, but all my interactions with him had painted a pictures and I filled in the gaps with assumptions. I was surprised when a minor Facebook prank caused such a strong reaction from him He got angry and took the whole incident personally. It seemed so out of character for his laid back demeanor. I was not involved in the situation so there was no harm done, but it stuck out as an interesting observation. How can someone be so uptight in certain aspect of their life yet so relaxed in others? You may also know someone who is overall very predictable but has one or two issues that causes them to turn on a dime. This is the kind of person that does well on reality tv. I can't help but think of the Real Housewives where an average woman can go from polite dinner conversation to flipping a table in 5.3 seconds. 

I started this off by saying the idea for the post had been in my head for a while. That's true, the Facebook incident in question happened a while ago but I had decided not to post anything because I had no interesting observations or new ideas to lend to the subject. That was until I moved to Dallas. I've been meeting a lot new people and getting to know all the difference clicks within the city. In fact I was invited to a pool party thanks to a referral from a good friend. Everyone was very welcoming and pleasant but I was surprised but the excessive pot smoking going on. There were as many bongs as there were beer bottles. I'm not passing any judgement, it's just not what I expected. I politely decline the pot and otherwise had a fun and sunny afternoon. While driving home I laughed to myself, "Why couldn't they all just get naked and frisky like Connecticut pool parties." That's when it hit me like a bolt of lightning. I realized I'm just like that guy on Facebook. I'm the one who's opinions aren't consistent. I'm very comfortable having sex with a friend in front of other people and by most social standards I'm a slut. Yet I have very limited experience with drugs and alcohol. An outsider might assume someone so open toward sex would be as open to many other things too. Not the case. Those of you who know me won't find this strange, but when you look at from an outsiders perspective it could be seen as quirky. When people meet me I wonder if they ask themselves, "He'll get naked at the drop of a hat and suck your dick in the middle of the living room yet he won't smoke a bowl... How strange?"

I realized I had much more in common with that FB friend then I thought. I now understand his point of view a little bit better. I may not agree with it but I understand. I'm probably just as bad when put in certain situations.

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Songs of Summer

Songs of Summer:

Carly Rae Jepsen may have the official summer hit with Call Me Maybe. But my summer song obsession is Where Have You Been by Rihanna. Ermahgerd! She may be a trashy mess who's dating her former abusive boyfriend, but girl can crank out some good songs. Watch the video, and then we'll discuss it further.

Ok now that you've watched the video, is it me or does this video have the worst choreography on earth!?! The first part where she's dancing in those pink harem pants... Atrocious! The song is actually much better without the visual of the video.

Other good songs for your summer play list:

Madonna: Girls Gone Wild

Ellie Goulding: Lights

David Guetta & Sia: Titanium

Flo Rida & Sia: Wild Ones

Dance Again: Jennifer Lopez ft Pit Bull

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Color and Camo

This is a great video from Mr. Porter. (www.mrporter.com)

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Summer Fashion Guide

Your summer guide to fashion:

Start with a tank top. They can be hard to find, but I found Macy's has the best selection for between $10-$20.

Accessorie: Add a hat for sun protection like gray one is from H&M.





Next pair it with a pair of short. This summer cuffed shorts are the major trend. These kakhi short from Old Navy are reversable therefore you can cuff the bottom and show a bit of the blue striped material. Super Cute!

Accessories: Suspenders add pop to every outfitt.

Finish your look off with these exclusive New Balance sneakers available on Urban Outfitters.com. Bright and fun footwear. (sorry wide width not available)



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What I've Learned from Oprah

My original idea for this post was a list of things I’ve learned from Oprah. When I started the list it ended up being shorter then I anticipated. How could that be? Referencing the Oprah Winfrey show in everyday conversation is a normal occurrence for me. Why can’t I remember any of it now?

As I dug deeper in the back of my brain I started to uncover general concepts and ideas rather then a specific lesson. As Oprah herself would say, “Ah Ha moments.” A good example came from an episode in her final season. She featured a panel consisting of several of her most famous talk show rivals. Ricky Lake , Phil Donahue, Sally Jessie, and Montel Williams were all there to reminisce about the past. What struck me was when the topic of competition came up. Everyone on the panel remembered ways they tried to compete with and be more like Oprah. Jerry Springer and trash tv came up as an obvious example. She responded by saying that she never tried to compete with or change her format. Her secret to success was that she always strived to be more of herself in every show. Don’t try and change to be more like your competition but instead be true to yourself.

I was struck by what she said and I’ve tried to apply it to my blog. Whenever I am unsure of whether to post something I try and remember the basic building blocks of my blog. Does it make sense with who I am? By doing so I’ve scrapped a couple topics and ideas. The cancelled posts are usually about major life or news events. For example: I have ignored much of the presidential race thus far. I decided I am not informed enough to make an educated commentary on the subject. If I posted anything it would probably be a rehash of what has already been said by someone else.

So I'll continue to blog on and stay true to myself. On that note, as I wrote this post I realized I haven't written anything about fashion in a long time. I'm overdue! Look for an upcoming guide to summer fashion article coming soon. If you're curious of what the original "What I Learned" list looked like, here's a glimpse. Funny enough most of these tips come from one episode about safety tips.

-If you are ever held up or mugged, do not let them take you to a second location. If they bring you someplace else, you won’t return.

-Pay attention to peoples actions. A person will always reveal who they really are from the very beginning, you just have to pay attention. Otherwise you end up say things like, "Now that you mention it, he did (fill in the blank) when we first met..."

-You get what you expect out of life

-If you are ever being attached yell fire. When you yell “Help” or "Rape" people are apt to ignore you. People are more likely to come to the aid of a fire. Sad but true.

-Walk looking straight ahead. Looking down is an unconscious sign of submission

Social Media Etiquette

Emily Post, the grand dame of social etiquette, died in 1960. Well before many of the modern day luxuries we take for granted. She never could have imagined how far we have come with computers, the internet, iPhones, texting, and Facebook. Since no one has stepped up to take her place, I’ve taken it upon myself to provide you with a guide to social media etiquette. This post with focus mainly on dating and sex apps but look for future posts about Facebook, Twitter etc.

The term etiquette can bring to mind uptight rules and holding a tea cup with your pink out. This is not that kind of etiquette. This is an honest look at real world situations. Let's dive in shall we!

App Etiquette: Whether you're on a Droid or an iPhone you have access to apps like Growlr, Scruff, Grindr, BoyAhoy, Manhunt, Recon, and Bender.(amongst others) Chatting with guys is easy and convenient but you can unintentionally piss someone off by how you do or don't respond. Here are my tips for maintaining some class of your phone.

Rule 1: If he want to see my private pics, unlocking G rated pictures is meaningless. Private=Naked.

Growlr gives you the ability to have private pictures. (this feature varies from app to app) If you have private pictures they should be naked pictures. At best, one cock shot and one ass shot respectively. You don't have to have private pics and I have no problem with anyone who chooses that option. My problem is when someone unlocks there pictures and they are face shots from the beach or close ups at your sister's wedding. When I see the message *Private Photo's Have Been Unlocked* I expect to see cock and/or ass. When I don't I get annoyed.

Rule 2: If he unlocks his pictures without saying hello first, I am under no obligation to unlock mine. (Nude or un-nude)

Plain and simple. Just because he unlocks his cock shots does not mean I need to unlock mine. A better approach is to start a conversation to see if the other person is interested first. 

Rule 3: Make the most of your profile picture

A good profile picture can make a shocking difference. If you're not getting a lot of hits try changing up your pictures until you find one that's a hit. Once you find the magic shot keep it for as long as possible. However, if your looks change so should your picture.

Rule 4: Be honest

This is true is all respects but specifically with regard to relationship status. If you have a boyfriend your profile should clearly say so. For some reason a lot my friends who are in a relationship get bent out of shape when I press this point. There is NOTHING worse for a single guy then chatting with someone for weeks only to find out he already has a partner. It's like getting kicked in the balls. If you're not up front from the very first conversation you're a douche. There is a relationship status box for a reason. Partnered people will say that some guys won't talk to them if they know they are already taken. Tough shit. When a man's profile says he's not interested in men with boyfriend's it means on more then one occasion he's fallen for and gotten his heart broken by a partnered guy.

Rule 5: A little response goes a long way

If you take anything away from this article I hope it is this rule. This is true across all types of social media and modern communication. It can be broken down into two parts. Responding to people you know and responding to people you don't know. First, we'll deal with people you don't know. If you get a ping from a stranger and you're genuinely not interested a simple Thank You or No Thanks is enough. If it's someone from across the country whom you'll never meet then no response if required at all. Sending a response may lead them on into thinking you're interested. Now to the important part, if someone you know sends a text, private message, or email then you should respond to them. When you send a response it shows respect and maturity. Flaking out and forgetting to respond sends the signal that you don't care enough about someone to type back. When I've confronted people about this in the past, they have always said that their intention was never to ignore me. It was just a simple case of absent mindedness. Good etiquette is not always the easy road and it may require you to overcome your forgetfulness. I can tell you from personal experience that I have almost ended friendships because they didn't type a message back. On a side note, a late response is always better then no response.

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Merkin Ball

I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a couple days but I promise I'm working on it. This weekend has been filled with moving into my new apartment and slowly unpacking. It has been a gift to have my parents here to help. Work is going well but to be honest my emotions have been all over the place. It's to early to tell if I really like Dallas yet. I suspect it will take me several months to decide. Everyday I have a different perspective on my decision to move. There are endless things to do but I can't help but feel a bit lonely. I wish somehow all the Connecticut super stars could move down here with me. (Unfortunately it's to easy to fill the void with shopping. Hello debt my old friend!) I should stop rambling now and go to bed. This post is dedicated to strength, courage, and perseverance.


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Hump Day

It's time to take a break from Dallas and moving and mention some of the other thing going on in the world. (or at least in my mind)

Dot Lock: If your gay and we're friends then there's no doubt you have at least one cock pic on your iPhone. If we're good friends, you probably have a lot of them. Naked pictures on your phone are a wonderful thing until you mother says "Can I see your phone for a second?" Then as she carelessly presses one button after another you pray to god she doesn't tap the photo app. Now there is a solution! Dot Lock is an app for your phone that protects your porn with a passcode. Simply add whatever photos you want protected and only someone with your code and unlock them. (I have no idea if it's available for Droid)


Blurb Book: This is a wonderful gift idea. Blurb.com has created a very easy to use website where you can create a personalized book for someone special. Pics from Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram can easily be uploaded to commemorate memorable moments. There are many different options and ways to customize the book to make the perfect. I spent over 4 hours creating one for Punk's 50th Birthday and I couldn't have been more pleased with the result. A suggestion: the book starts out with about 20 pages but you can add as many pages as need. A hard cover book with only 20 pages isn't very substantial. (think of a children's book) Just keep that in mind as your putting it together.

Whoopi: Last night I went out to a local bar (my first time as a local) and it was show tunes night. Picture a room full of bears singing along to videos from West Side Story and Chicago. A song from Sister Act came on the screen and I remembered what a good movie that was. It deserves a re-watch!

Sex Dreams: My good friend Ollie wanted a shout out because I had a dream last night that I was sucking his dick. Although I'm sure he would rather have a real blowjob over a shout out. Thank you Ollie for the picture.(and no that's not me in case you were wondering)

Out of the Blue: Last night I got a message on Growlr from my former Nemesis. There is no longer any bad blood between us after I apologized for my poor behavior. He's been busy with work and a new boyfriend which caused him drop out of site for more then a year. It was such a nice conversation.

Toilets: Have you ever gone into a public restroom where the toilets are bolted to the wall and hover over the floor? I'm always terrified that when I sit down they're going to crash to the floor.

Bitch is in India?!?!: I must close giving a super across the globe shout out to my friend Randy. Work sent him to India for 6 months. I can't begin to tell you how much credit I give him for going. If it had been me, I would have quit the second they gave me the offer. I would die of starvation in India. Seriously. Good for you Randy! You've got more courage then I do.

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Joe's Spank Me Time

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Instagram Road Trip

Pennsylvania

Maryland/West Virginia

Kentucky

Arkansas

 

In the midst of Kentucky I burst out laughing when I saw this sign. It was like someone was calling me home.

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My Journey West

I survived my 25+ hour drive from Connecticut to Dallas. The first leg of my journey took me through Pennsylvania and West Virginia. Both were the prettiest states along my whole drive. (pictures to come) Pennsylvania has rolling farms dotted with quaint farm houses and barns. Lush green tree covered mountain bordered the winding highways of West Virginia. I lucked out because most of the highways were largely empty throughout my trip so I avoided traffic even through construction zones which closed down a lane or two. The second leg of took me through Kentucky and Tennessee. Both had rolling hills and large open spaces but failed to maintain the beauty of Pennsylvania. On my third day Arkansas and Texas were just flat plain boring states. Overall I found the driving to be easy especially because most of the time I was one of only a handful of cars on the road.

To keep my mind busy I listened to 4 books on tape. The first is Amy Sedaris's I like You- Entertaining Under the Influence. I've owned and listened the audiobook for years and it still makes me laugh as she recounts her wacky entertaining tips. The other three books were new: Andy Cohen's Most Talkative, Ali Wentworth's Ali in Wonderland, and Rachel Dratch's Girl Walks into a Bar.

First I'll start with my favorite of the three, Rachel Dratch's Girl Walks into a Bar. The book details her start on Saturday Night Live and 30 Rock and then subsequent unemployment as Hollywood only cast her in roles playing older obese lesbians. Much of the book talks about her struggles finding work and love after success and fame have faded away. Her stories made me both laugh and cry. I liked it so much that I started listening to it for a second time when I got sick of Andy Cohen. (I'll get to him in a minute) I didn't have high expectations but I give Rachel Dratch a solid thumbs up!

You may remember Ali Wentworth as the blond white girl from In Living Color or her later marriage to George Stephanopoulos. I was interested in reading the book because her background was not what I expected. She grew up in an upper class privileged family from Washington DC. Her mother was the social secretary for Nancy Reagan. The book held my interest but I kept thinking how out of touch she seemed. She continually mentioned stated that she was just like anyone else and that her family wasn't as rich and privileged as everyone thought. These proclamations were paired with stories about live in nannies, going to an elite boarding school and staying at the Four Season's Hotel whenever she needed refuge.

The last book I listened to was Andy Cohen's Most Talkative. Cohen is the host of Watch What Happens Live and head pf programing at Bravo. He's charming and shares funny stories from his youth as well as his time working for the Early Show and 60 Minutes both on CBS. Toward the end of the book he delves into Bravo and the Real Housewives for which he is best known. None of the stories are particularly juicy nor does he reveal any behind the scenes gossip that is anything other then expected. I found myself waiting for the book to be over as he went on and on about one stupid mistake after another. I'm not sure if it was his purpose but Cohen paints himself as a total idiot. As I've said before, he is the real life incarnation of Jack McFarland. (of Will&Grace)


So now I'm finally in Dallas! Actually I'm staying at a hotel in Richardson for a week until my apartment is ready... but I'm close.


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